Loookin' fer yer funnay sayings...

Here's one I like to break out at dinner parties:

"It's hotter than 2 rats humpin' in a burlap sack!!"

COOLER THAT A GLASS OF GRITS:D

it's hotter than a newbie being flamed on PBB

that's as tricky as two rats fawkn on a barbwire fence.

Slick as snot & twice as greasy!


You think you're hot snot on a silver platter, but you're just cold boogers on a paper plate!!

Crazier than a shit house rat.

your as tight as a fishes ass

On witnessing some type of cluster-fawked disorganization:

"....like 3 monkeys humpin' a bowling ball."

I have too many to think of:

Harder than Chinese algebra

Slicker than owl’s chit

Slicker than a minner’s (minnow) dick

Hard as wood pecker lips (referring to someone’s personality)

hes about sharp as a rubber ball.

bright as pavement

smart as a box of rocks

When talking about someone who never gets any, it's common to say, "Tom can't hardly put his hand in his pocket without his dick start dodging."

Ate up like polio

And one of my all time favorites

Queer as a football bat

hung up like two dogs a fawkn

10 spices short of The Colonel's recipe

Hungry as a hostage.

colder than a well diggers ass

Hung like a newborn baby..... 8 pounds, 7 ounces, and 18 inches.:flipoff2:

hungrier than a tick on a teddy bear

You can stick your dick in the mashed potatoes, but that don't make it gravy.

not really a metaphor but

sh!t fire an save matches.

Like flies on a dead possum

grinning like a sh!t eaten opossum

slicker that snot on a mirror

like a monkey trying to fawk a football

like fawking a bumble bee with a baseball bat

lower than shark shyt

funny as a bag o' hammers

"Uglier than a hat full of assholes" :flipoff2:

country as a turnip green

talking about whoopn someones ass "I'll be on you like white on rice"
or "stink on sh!t"

your about as funny as a wet fart on a cold morning.

sweatin like a whore in church :D :roxy:

you could fawk up a steel ball with a rubber hammer

she was so ugly she had to sneak up on a drink of water

sandwich short of a pic-nic

slicker than cat shit on a linoleum floor

Originally posted by Deep South Cruisers

she was so ugly she had to sneak up on a drink of water






That one almost made Mountain Dew come out my nose! :laughing:



that wasn't my metaphor.

You could Fawk up an anvil in a sandbox :D

OK, you literary masters...

As soon as you put in the word LIKE, it's not a Metaphor, it's a Simile. Remember that shit?

Like a monkey fawking a football.

You're about as sharp as the leading edge of a bowling ball...

Originally posted by Bobzooki
OK, you literary masters...

As soon as you put in the word LIKE, it's not a Metaphor, it's a Simile. Remember that shit?

Like a monkey fawking a football.


the fawking gramma police are here, everybody against the wall:rolleyes:

Clown pu$$y

A soup sandwich

A football Bat

lower than a snakes belly

hotter than a two dollar pistol

she was so fine she'd make the Pope punch out a stained glass window:D

higher than a Georgia pine

Drunk as a bicycle

cooler than the backside of the pillow

Originally posted by Bobzooki
OK, you literary masters...

As soon as you put in the word LIKE, it's not a Metaphor, it's a Simile. Remember that shit?

Like a monkey fawking a football.





The word, "as" can also create a simile. :flipoff2:

You're about as sharp as the leading edge of a bowling ball...

nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs:D

Madder than a gut shot cougar in the backseat of vw bug!

On close clearances and tolerances:
"tighter than a minnow's ass"

When trying to do something difficult:
"like trying to shove a wet noodle up a wildcat's ass"

-tom

These all require a southern accent when verbalizing, you can't just say them like a northerner to get them to work, Yalls gots ta talk like dis whin, you's sayin it!

Weather related

Hotter'n a three peckered billy goat
Hotter'n two rats fuckin in a wool sock
Colder'n a witch's tit in a brass bra
Colder'n a well digger's ass in january
Rainin like pouring piss out of a boot
Rainin like a double cunted cow pissin on a flat rock

Stupid people

Dumber'n a bag of hammers
Dumber'n a box of rocks
Bright as a burned out light bulb

Speed

Faster'n three little blue dammits
Faster'n a greased cat on a hot skillet
Slower'n smoke off of cold dog shit
Slower'n molasses

Messed up situations

Fucked up like a monkey shittin icecream


I'll think of more later.


:flipoff2:

"Busier than a one legged man in a butt kickin' contest"

Slocker than deer gut on a door knob!!!

higher than a decon rat

Busy as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.
Happier than a puppy with two peters.
Country as a chicken coup.
Uglier than a mud fence.
Fawked up like a soup sandwich
Dumber than dirt

richer than six foot up a bull's ass

he's not the sharpest tool in the shed/knife in the drawer

"Got a mind like a steel trap...Rusty hinges and no spring!"

Rainin' harder than a cow peein' on a flat rock

tighter than kelsey's nuts

that is smoother than shit through a tin horn

you're about as sharp as a bowling ball

"she has a body like a burlap sack full of bobcats"

More slippery than snail slime on teflon.

One brick shy of a load.

Sharp as a bag of rocks.

her ass looks like two volkswagens fighting for a parking place.

Your rig couldn’t pull a greasy string out of a cat’s ass.

Sharp as the edge of town

You couldn't pull a pin out of his ass with a bulldozer.

When he farts only dogs can hear it.

So ugly I had to tie a steak around your neck to get the dog to play with you.

Built like a brick shit house.

Colder then a witches tit on a moon lite night on the dark side of the moon

"Girl you are as dumb as a sack of hair"....I just heard that one on Law and Order.....can you say red-neck....

He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer
You are a few bricks shy of a load.
Not the shinest quarter.
Happy as a pig in a slop bucket.
Useless as tits on a bore hog.

Let's take the taco boat to tuna town....

That is like asking a dog if its hungry.

Butterface....

He's about to stroke out......

Hotter than a fresh fawked fox in a forrest fire...

Colder than a Witch's tit In a brass brasiere Laying face down in the snow In Alaska In the middle of January. :eek:

(to someone who is 'trying' to sing)
I can't sing either, but I don't go around CRYING about it...

So hungry I could eat the North end of a Southbound Skunk.

(or as my ex father-in-law in England used to say)
So hungry I could eat a Scabby Horse. :eek:

That's so old, it has Dinosaur shit on it. (not me dammit. I ain't THAT old)... :flipoff2:

...busier than a whore in a mining camp!

...shakin' worse than queer at a weenie roast!

...shakin like a dog crappin peach stones !

as useful as tits on a boar

As useful as half a sissors

as useful as a glass hammer

He's Strong as an ox, and almost as smart.

She's looser than a two dollar whore.

He's slower than molasses in January

She's so smart, she could beat you with half of her brain tied behind her back.

more issues than a pregnant nun

So nervous you couldn't drive a pin up his ass with a sledgehammer.

Gayer than a three dollar bill.

Busier than a $2 whore at a shriners convention.

One fry short of a happy meal.

a few cans short of a six pack
could eat an apple through a tennis racket
a few cents short of a dollar
handy as a ashtray on a motorbike
handy as tits on a boar pig
handy as tits on a bull
lights are on but no ones home
do bears shit in the woods
do black dogs fart
do chickens have lips
is the pope catholic
dumb as dog shit
cant run with the big dogs ya better sit on the porch
good as a two bob watch
dry as a dead dingoes donga
got a few kangaroos loose in the top paddock
doesnt know if hes arthur or marthur
few snags short of a barbie

happier than a sissy with a sack full of peckers
tighter than a virgin on prom night
horny as a horned toad
treated like a redheaded step child

not worth a plug nickle.

"hotter than the hinges on hells gates"-Louis L'Amour

Few sandwiches short of a picnic

He/She ain't running on all 4 cyl's

She has Summer teeth, some her teeth go this way, some her teeth go that way.

Tighter than a toads ass.

Smellier than a beer fart in the tub, on a Sunday morning.

You couldn't hold a tune if you had it strapped to your back.

Screwing her is like throwing a hotdog down a hallway.

So hungry I could eat the arse out of a dead horse :barf:

Her ass looks like a glad bag full of corn flakes.

that ass looks like 2 puppies fightin under a blanket.

finer than frogs hair.

busier than a whore on nickle night

like an octopus fuckin a bagpipe - my personal favorite

you couldn't get laid in a monkey whorehouse with a fist full of bananas!

slower than a herd of 3-legged turtles stampeding thru peanut butter

a few bricks short of a few bricks

what the hell

Hotter than a 4-balled tomcat.

Busier than a 2-dicked dog.

If I tell ya a hen gives milk, ya better get a damn bucket.

refering to bolts or something of that nature......this things tighter than a nun's cunt...

you look like a monkey fawkin a football....

worthless as tits on a bore hog

not the sharpest spoon in the drawer

All foam and no beer (refering to someones brain)

Take a flying fuck at a rolling donut.

Oh, wait, we're not doing insults. Nevermind.

He's got bat's in the belfry.
A few bricks short of a load.
Elevator don't go to the top.
A few cards short of a full deck.
She can suck the chrome of a bumper.
She can suck a orange thru a garden hose.
Fucked up like hogan's goat.
More fucked up than a soup sandwich.
Fucked up like a football bat.
Bunch of monkey's fucking a football.
Sinking the tuna boat with a pink torpedo.