I'm an Idiot and placed an ad in the tech forum!

This reminds me of the time I was sitting around with Jim Pendleton, talking and throwing back some beers. Amidst our conversation of the complex world of Rovers, Pendy kept whining about how he felt alone in the world. No matter how he occupied his time in his garage, becoming more intimate with his British vehicles, he still couldn't shake that feeling that his life was missing something.

I told him that he now has the responsibility of building two new Defenders, that maybe he should treat them like his children. Jim exclaimed he was tired of finding companionship through the many inanimate objects in his life.

I suggested he try a local singles bar. He mentioned he tried that some years ago with only a bad rash and a penicillin prescription to show for it. So how about a personal ad? He guffawed, "the only responses I get are from gay S&M inquiries." "Huh...I guess I could see that," I replied.

So how about the internet? There's a lot of chat-rooms where you can meet interesting people. Maybe you'll find a personality match amongst the thousands who frequent those sites? Pendy mentioned the last time he tried that, he mistakenly input his age as 13 instead as 31. He received lots of replies and even flew out to meet someone, only to wake up days later from a roofie-haze, a sharp pain in his rear, and a few blocks from the Neverland Ranch.

Poor Jim was sure down on his luck. Nothing he tried materialized into anything substantial, let alone, long-term. Finally, our conversation turned to something promising...Russian Mail Order Brides!!!

Jim! This is your chance. These are some serious hot women looking for a sugar-daddy Stateside! How could you not go wrong!!??

So Jim hit the internet seeking information on how to import one of these exotic, nubile, young beauties. After a few months of research and correspondence, he found a compatible mate named Natasha. She had been employed as a heavy-equipment mechanic for a uranium mining firm south of Siberia since she was 15. Even after years of hard labor, she still maintained her youthful appearance...and more importantly, her flexibility as a gymnast. See, Natasha could do things with her body that a grown man could only...eh, what Jim?....Oh....I'll leave those parts out...No!...I do not still have those pictures...check my hard-drive A-hole...I removed them from the hosting site, too. Sheesh.

Back to the story. So, Jim found his perfect companion. Not only would she provide a warm, comforting body to sleep beside on those cold winter nights, but she would also provide Pendy with a much needed hand in the garage to complete his various Rover projects. Jim was in love! He immediately wired $1000 to the match-making agency to cover correspondence costs and Natasha's airfare to the States. Jim was so excited! His new bride would be here within the week!

Well, Pendy gussied himself up. Got a haircut, shaved...heck, he even showered! He was going to put his best foot forward upon their meeting in order to leave a lasting first impression. Jimmy looked quite charming, and he didn't smell that bad either. Well, he rolled into the airport about 30 minutes before the flight's arrival. Located the terminal where the plane would be rolling in, and stood beside the walk-way with a "Welcome Natasha" sign (in English...the Russian side said "Hello Nasty" due to a cheap Russian-to-English dictionary Pendy picked up from a Swami...but that's another story).

Jim waited patiently as the plane taxied in and the many passengers unloaded. His excitement turned to panic as nobody resembling a Russian beauty walked through the terminal. As the unloading passengers dwindled, Pendy became fearful that his bride was not on this plane. After hope had dissolved, poor Jim hung his head and turned to walk away. As he headed toward the exit, he heard a sweet voice exclaim, "Jim Pendleton!!! Jim Pendleton!!!"

His eyes quickly widened, his heart skipped a beat, and he turned around only to see the triple-extra large flight attendant with the triple-extra chins calling his name and holding a long package. "Jim Pendleton! Pick up for Jim Pendleton!!!"

Jim walked over to her and identified himself. The flight-attendant produced a clip-baord and demanded his signature. Pendy signed and accepted his package, bewildered about the turn of events and pondering just where his $1000 went.

He walked the package over to the seats positioned within the terminal and opened it. Out of the package he pulled 2 Discovery Running Boards. Mutha Fawker!!!!, he exclaimed.