Don't fawk with Carnies! :freaks:

[Dieselmh]

Yesterday I learned an important lesson, never fawk with carnies.

The local fair just wrapped up a couple of days ago, and I guess they have a few days to kill before moving on to some other hick town to share the joys of 2 cent prizes, ill-maintained rides, and "food" that would gag a maggot. They've had the rides all packed up, but have been camping out at the fairgrounds for a few days, when normally they are packed and gone the next day before the food poison and tetanus lawsuits start rolling in.

Anyway, on the way home, I have to go past the fairgrounds, which now resembles the "Pikey" campgrounds from the movie SNATCH. So, as I'm going home yesterday, they are moving all the rides from the fairground to a big parking lot across the street. There's some mongoloid looking guy standing in the road stopping traffic so that the trucks can cross. No big deal, I stop (just so happened that I was the first and only vehicle there) and let the first truck go by. The next truck is creeping towards up and is at least 50 yards away and going very slowly. I figured the carnie would let me go by since there was plenty of time and I was the only vehicle there. Nope. In fact, he gets really close to the front of my truck to the point where I couldn't have pulled forward to go around without hitting him. So now I'm a bit perturbed, but keeping my cool. I figured that maybe his depth perception was messed up and he thought the truck was closer than it really was. So at least two whole minutes goes by before the truck gets there and crosses the road, and I will finally get to go. Nope. There aren't any more trucks even on the driveway, and this fawkin' stubby armed, inbred freak still isn't moving.

I finally get pissed and honk while yelling "get the fuck outta the road already." So freak boy just stares at me in the way that only a watermelon head with two different colored eyes that aren't straight can stare at you, but he still doesn't move. I'm at the point now where I just want to run over him, and leave his body to be picked clean by the rest of the freaks that are camped there. I slam it into reverse, back up a little, then slam it back into drive and punch it. Since I've got the powertrax, the ass end slides over a little, and I go around him at an angle, spinning the tires and screaming "move you fuckin' carnie freak!" Apparently carnie freaks do not like to be called that. So now this guy that was apparently frozen a few moments earlier runs over to his car as fast as a man with one leg shorter than the other can run, and gets in.

Now it's interesting. Granted, I did have a head start on him, but he was still gaining on me since I drive an extended cab pickup and he was driving a fast sports car. I know it was fast because it was red! So, as he's gaining on me, I decide that since I know the roads very well, I'll shut off the lights and lose him. No luck, he stuck with me for about 5 miles. It probably has something to do with the fact that it was only 7PM and still daylight, but I think he was just a really good driver! After a few miles, we were getting to my turf. I grew up there all my life, and knew the dirt roads like the back of my foot. It's awn now! I'm tearing down the dirt roads, power sliding that big truck around turns and taking hills in a way that would make ----------(insert famous rally racer name here) proud! I was kicking ass on those roads, and freakboy was losing ground. I got to a spot where there was a good turnaround on the side of the road, so I flipped a bitch, and backed into the side road. Just as mongaloid passed, I pulled out going the other direction and gave him the finger! I guess he tried to do an e-brake slide, but he didn't make it, and slide into the ditch where is high speed red race car became stuck in the sand. He was done.

Being a nice guy and all, I stopped a couple hundred feet away to make sure he was OK. Actually, I stopped, got out, gave him the finger, and yelled obscenities at him, but only after I made sure that he was healthy enough to climb out of the car. So now he's mad because his super-car is stuck, and I'm yelling at him, so he charges me. Now, charge is a relative term considering a was a couple hundred feet away, and it's not like he was gonna get the jump and surprise me, but he gave it a try anyway. What could I do? I decided that it would be best if I hit him with a rock, so I tried. I guess that gave him an idea, so he stopped, picked up some rocks, and started throwing them back. The only problem was, since he's a freak, he's got little Tyrannosaurus Rex arms, and throws like a 10 year old girl, and isn't getting anywhere near myself or my truck. I know this was a funny sight, a 6 foot 2, 350 pound man hucking rocks at a T-Rex on a dirt road! Anyway, as he's failing miserably at hitting me with a rock, I was starting to get him bracketed, and the fourth or fifth chunk was dead on. I whacked him right in the thigh, which sent him stumbling back a few steps. I'm pretty sure I heard him mutter something about me messing up his "going out" leg or something, but it didn't sound like it hit metal or wood, so I think he was mistaken. So anyway, he went limping back to his car, and I made my way home, rejoicing in my victory. Lesson learned, don't fawk with carnies! :flipoff2:

edit: is that better Adam, you whiny fawkin' beyotch? :flipoff2:

Editted again because Entropy is an anal-retentive grammar nazi. Hucking remains. You've never hucked a rock at someone? It's like chunking, only with more vigor! :flipoff2:

A special thanks goes out to Entropy for being the bitchy editor that made the story better. 8This thanks was only placed here to shut up his incessant bitching and complaing about not being thanked. Now shut your noise hole!*

[The Adam Blaster]

Got one word for you:

PARA-FUCKING-GRAPH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EDIT: I see you have made some changes to your post. Congrats. My post however will remain to remind you of your stupidity. :flipoff2:

[Del taco]

fawk with carnies....


should i go there with the Chief Slap a ho refence or is that a dead horse.

:D :flipoff2:

[UZI 9mm]

.

[bigNATE®]

jesus christ, paragraphs man.... learn them, love them, take care of them, cherish them!













:flipoff2:

[DRM]

LMFNO (thud, thud)

[JeepRecoveryTeam]

That was fawkin comical... thanks


d

[Dieselmh]

Originally posted by bigNATE®
jesus christ, paragraphs man.... learn them, love them, take care of them, cherish them!


:flipoff2:

Firebird won't accept spaces as the beginning of a line, so just suck it up and deal with it. Besides, don't you need to go check ebay and see if anyone bought you "how to get free electronics" service yet? :flipoff2:

[LilCJ]

Oh thats some funny shit.. Did he have little fat sausage fingers at the end of his t-rex arms?


-Steve

[surveyboy]

Originally posted by JeepRecoveryTeam
That was fawkin comical... thanks


d

I got people looking at me cause I'm laughing so hard

[GloNDark]

Originally posted by Dieselmh
Being a nice guy and all, I stopped a couple hundred feet away to make sure he was

OK. Actually, I stopped, got out, gave him the finger, and yelled obscenities at him, but only after I made sure that he was healthy enough to climb out of the car.

:laughing: BRAVO!!!!! :laughing:

[Schly]

Originally posted by UZI 9mm
.

WTF does this mean? :confused:

You can't post pad in chit chat, you know that, right?

[mudmaid]

:laughing: if that really happend that's freaking great! :laughing:

one time my exboyfriend and i were leaving a parking lot where the carnies were closing up shop. they were all milling about and not moving out of the way.

so my exboyfriend yells "move your ass!" carnie man does one of these :eek: and takes off running at full sprint towards the truck. :laughing:

OMG! my ex boyfriend is laughing going "check this fool out" but he did get a little concerned when the guy got about 20 feet from his truck so he gunned it a little.

carnie people don't mess around.

[Del taco]

Originally posted by Schly


WTF does this mean? :confused:

You can't post pad in chit chat, you know that, right?


bareback chems azz for that..he started it.

i think it means " ditto."

[Entropy]

Very funny...

However, you spelled several words wrong.

tetnis = tetanus
mongaloid = mongoloid
happend = happened
yeards = yards
powersliding = power sliding or power-sliding
supercar = super car or super-car
hucking = chucking?

I can't forward this on to everyone I know without correcting all of your errors...

Please be more attentive to details in the future. :D

[MossMan]

that's some goooooooood chit

:laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing:

[Del taco]

Originally posted by Dieselmh
Yesterday I learned an important lesson, never fawk with carnies.

...... Lesson learned, don't fawk with carnies! :flipoff2:

edit: is that better Adam, you whiny fawkin' beyotch? :flipoff2:


holy crap.

that WAS funnay.

after the PP breaks i could actually read it..and im a better person forit..my life now has MORE funnay in it than it did befroe...shanks deezilemmhaych.

[79broncn]

:laughing: great story Diesel, true or not.:laughing:

"move you fuckin' carnie freak!" :laughing:

[xjkid]

That was the one funniest stories I have ever read:laughing: :laughing: I am crying thank you.:D

[Schly]

Originally posted by Del taco



bareback chems azz for that..he started it.

i think it means " ditto."

Well, he should stop it and make all his little miniChem stepford children stop it too.

Use a fawking smiley or something. I have a girlfriend and there are plenty of periods in my life already. ;)

[chevy91]

Originally posted by Dieselmh
...I'm tearing down the dirt roads, powersliding that big truck around turns and taking hills in a way that would make Bow and Luke Duke proud! ...



None of this. One point for "He's tellling the truth" :blackflipoff2:
:flipoff2:

[Dieselmh]

Originally posted by Schly
I have a girlfriend and there are plenty of periods in my life already. ;)

:laughing: Periods are good, it's when they stop that you need to be worried! :flipoff2:

[Schly]

Originally posted by Dieselmh


:laughing: Periods are good, it's when they stop that you need to be worried! :flipoff2:

Point taken. ;)

[UZI 9mm]

Originally posted by Schly


WTF does this mean? :confused:

You can't post pad in chit chat, you know that, right?


:rolleyes:


.


I use it in certain instances to draw out the spastic WTF does this mean :confused:loooozerz.:rasta:



























:flipoff2:

[UZI 9mm]

Originally posted by Schly


Well, he should stop it and make all his little miniChem stepford children stop it too.

Use a fawking smiley or something. I have a girlfriend and there are plenty of periods in my life already. ;)




They *do* say that when wimmin hang out with each other for long enough, that their periods tend to mimic each others.

[jeep family]

My gut hurts from laughing so hard.

Recap....

You got in a rock fight with a carnie after racing down dirt roads near your home.

Redneck:flipoff2:

I love it!

PS Beau and Luke Duke was my insert also.

[earlybroncoguy]

I guess he tried to do an e-brake slide, but he didn't make it, and slide into the ditch where is high speed red race car became stuck in the sand. He was done.

So, what you're saying is... that it was a "freak" accident?


:D

[Dieselmh]

Originally posted by jeep family

Redneck:flipoff2:


Who you callin' redneck? :mad: :flipoff2:

Sadly, on the way into work today, all the campers and tents were gone, and only a few of the packed up rides were still there. I guess I won't get to see my buddy for a while. :( :D

[Dieselmh]

WTF is wrong with the board? It's still not showing my posts as the last one! WTF WTF? :mad:

[Dieselmh]

Oh sure, now it works! :D

[Haole]

Originally posted by Dieselmh
WTF is wrong with the board? It's still not showing my posts as the last one! WTF WTF? :mad:

It's the carnie jinx. Should fawk with them or they get the old lady with teh crystal ball to jinx you.

[Pyagid]

this is hilarious.

ANd this is the first thing that came to my mind

[Urban Wheeler]

Funny, I thought of Austin Powers. "There's only two things that scare me..."

[Rev. Parsley]

Originally posted by Dieselmh
Hucking remains. You've never hucked a rock at someone? It's like chunking, only with more vigor! :flipoff2:

Hucking shit is legit. I huck shit all the time. Mostly tools.

[Chemical442]

Diesel, I can't believe i'm saying this. That was a GREAT litterary piece. Well done, Man! ( no offence, welndmn :flipoff2: )

[Dieselmh]

Originally posted by Chemical442
Diesel, I can't believe i'm saying this. That was a GREAT litterary piece. Well done, Man! ( no offence, welndmn :flipoff2: )

*sniff, sniff* That brought a tear to my eye! I've never been praised by Chem. Now I can die happy!

:D

edit: I was SO looking for the hidden sarcastic black text! :flipoff2:

[Entropy]

Originally posted by Dieselmh


*sniff, sniff* That brought a tear to my eye! I've never been praised by Chem. Now I can die happy!

:D

edit: I was SO looking for the hidden sarcastic black text! :flipoff2:

Oh yeah, I see... diss me for being an "anal-retentive grammar nazi", but when the edited work is called a "great literary piece", no one thanks the editor?

Bastard. :flipoff2:

[Dieselmh]

Originally posted by Entropy


Oh yeah, I see... diss me for being an "anal-retentive grammar nazi", but when the edited work is called a "great literary piece", no one thanks the editor?

Bastard. :flipoff2:

I added a special thanks for you! :flipoff2:

[Chemical442]

http://home.grics.net/~goudie/images/kinglonghead_small.gif

[mantis]

What in the hell is that? :eek: :laughing:

[DEnd]

Originally posted by UZI 9mm

They *do* say that when wimmin hang out with each other for long enough, that their periods tend to mimic each others.

Well ya but you don't hang out with Chem so stop mimicing his periods. :flipoff2:

[Dieselmh]

Originally posted by mantis
What in the hell is that? :eek: :laughing:

I think Chem's :rainbow: side is starting to manifest itself in his chops! :laughing: :flipoff2:

[The Adam Blaster]

Originally posted by Dieselmh


edit: is that better Adam, you whiny fawkin' beyotch? :flipoff2:



Holy fawk, i just noticed this part NOW!!!
And the laughter starts all over again. :laughing: :laughing:

I think we should have a compilation of all the PBB stories that get thrown up here in chit-chat. I think it would sell a million copies!! :D :D

[DEnd]

you mean something like The Big Mo Howard and other PBB stories? I'd bet it sell 10,000 copies at least. :D

[Sully]

Originally posted by Chemical442
http://home.grics.net/~goudie/images/kinglonghead_small.gif

:eek::laughing:

[right-click-save]

The only thing that would have been funnier is if Kong bashed him in the head when he was done!

[SeaBass44]

not sure if I belive you or not.......but I laughed my ass off!:D :D you should write for some kind of funny mag, damn that was funny!
thx:flipoff2:

[Mustard Dog]

I wonder if he got fired for leaving his post at the road:confused:

[DMG]

So you weigh 350 lbs and a carnie has a faster car than you? ]]



Would this be funny if I wasn't drunk?

[Rocksurfer]

Originally posted by Pyagid
this is hilarious.

ANd this is the first thing that came to my mind


:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: That's probably exactly what it looked like, 2 dummies in the middle of nowhere throwing rocks at each other.

[UZI 9mm]

Originally posted by DEnd


Well ya but you don't hang out with Chem so stop mimicing his periods. :flipoff2:


:laughing::flipoff2:

i'll use all the fucking periods I want.



.


*thbbbbbbbbbt*

[Dieselmh]

Originally posted by DMG
So you weigh 350 lbs and a carnie has a faster car than you? ]]

Well, obviously you didn't pay attention. I don't have a car, I have a truck, and he had sooper dooper fast red car, so yes, it was faster than my hoopty daily driver truck.

[jstandle]

I think that Dieselmh is actually the carnie in the story and is trying to be all cool like he wasn't.


I can see right through you!! :flipoff2:

















Good story, I laughed my arse off.

Jordan

[GonZu]

...Dieselmh

"Yesterday I learned an important lesson, never fawk with carnies.

The local fair just wrapped up a couple of days ago, and I guess they have a few days to kill before moving on to some other hick town to share the joys of 2 cent prizes, ill-maintained rides, and "food" that would gag a maggot. They've had the rides all packed up, but have been camping out at the fairgrounds for a few days, when normally they are packed and gone the next day before the food poison and tetanus lawsuits start rolling in.

Anyway, on the way home, I have to go past the fairgrounds, which now resembles the "Pikey" campgrounds from the movie SNATCH. So, as I'm going home yesterday, they are moving all the rides from the fairground to a big parking lot across the street. There's some mongoloid looking guy standing in the road stopping traffic so that the trucks can cross. No big deal, I stop (just so happened that I was the first and only vehicle there) and let the first truck go by. The next truck is creeping towards up and is at least 50 yards away and going very slowly. I figured the carnie would let me go by since there was plenty of time and I was the only vehicle there. Nope. In fact, he gets really close to the front of my truck to the point where I couldn't have pulled forward to go around without hitting him. So now I'm a bit perturbed, but keeping my cool. I figured that maybe his depth perception was messed up and he thought the truck was closer than it really was. So at least two whole minutes goes by before the truck gets there and crosses the road, and I will finally get to go. Nope. There aren't any more trucks even on the driveway, and this fawkin' stubby armed, inbred freak still isn't moving.

I finally get pissed and honk while yelling "get the fuck outta the road already." So freak boy just stares at me in the way that only a watermelon head with two different colored eyes that aren't straight can stare at you, but he still doesn't move. I'm at the point now where I just want to run over him, and leave his body to be picked clean by the rest of the freaks that are camped there. I slam it into reverse, back up a little, then slam it back into drive and punch it. Since I've got the powertrax, the ass end slides over a little, and I go around him at an angle, spinning the tires and screaming "move you fuckin' carnie freak!" Apparently carnie freaks do not like to be called that. So now this guy that was apparently frozen a few moments earlier runs over to his car as fast as a man with one leg shorter than the other can run, and gets in.

Now it's interesting. Granted, I did have a head start on him, but he was still gaining on me since I drive an extended cab pickup and he was driving a fast sports car. I know it was fast because it was red! So, as he's gaining on me, I decide that since I know the roads very well, I'll shut off the lights and lose him. No luck, he stuck with me for about 5 miles. It probably has something to do with the fact that it was only 7PM and still daylight, but I think he was just a really good driver! After a few miles, we were getting to my turf. I grew up there all my life, and knew the dirt roads like the back of my foot. It's awn now! I'm tearing down the dirt roads, power sliding that big truck around turns and taking hills in a way that would make ----------(insert famous rally racer name here) proud! I was kicking ass on those roads, and freakboy was losing ground. I got to a spot where there was a good turnaround on the side of the road, so I flipped a bitch, and backed into the side road. Just as mongaloid passed, I pulled out going the other direction and gave him the finger! I guess he tried to do an e-brake slide, but he didn't make it, and slide into the ditch where is high speed red race car became stuck in the sand. He was done.

Being a nice guy and all, I stopped a couple hundred feet away to make sure he was OK. Actually, I stopped, got out, gave him the finger, and yelled obscenities at him, but only after I made sure that he was healthy enough to climb out of the car. So now he's mad because his super-car is stuck, and I'm yelling at him, so he charges me. Now, charge is a relative term considering a was a couple hundred feet away, and it's not like he was gonna get the jump and surprise me, but he gave it a try anyway. What could I do? I decided that it would be best if I hit him with a rock, so I tried. I guess that gave him an idea, so he stopped, picked up some rocks, and started throwing them back. The only problem was, since he's a freak, he's got little Tyrannosaurus Rex arms, and throws like a 10 year old girl, and isn't getting anywhere near myself or my truck. I know this was a funny sight, a 6 foot 2, 350 pound man hucking rocks at a T-Rex on a dirt road! Anyway, as he's failing miserably at hitting me with a rock, I was starting to get him bracketed, and the fourth or fifth chunk was dead on. I whacked him right in the thigh, which sent him stumbling back a few steps. I'm pretty sure I heard him mutter something about me messing up his "going out" leg or something, but it didn't sound like it hit metal or wood, so I think he was mistaken. So anyway, he went limping back to his car, and I made my way home, rejoicing in my victory. Lesson learned, don't fawk with carnies! " :flipoff2:
Dieselmh


good times :laughing:
Classics :confused:

[sinistertrucker]

:laughing: Good stuff..

[SeaBass44]

I read it the 1st time & now I'm rollin here:D
not sure how true that is, but damn funny!

[Firefyter_Emt]

see above post... Hmmm, SeaBass That is almost what you said last April on page 2.. :flipoff2:

not sure if I belive you or not.......but I laughed my ass off!:D :D you should write for some kind of funny mag, damn that was funny!
thx:flipoff2:

[MossMan]

:laughing: :laughing:

ahh..........teh funnay. :wipestearfromeye:those were the days :/wipe:

:D

[Tbam]

Fuckin funnay.

[SeaBass44]

see above post... Hmmm, SeaBass That is almost what you said last April on page 2.. :flipoff2:

LOL, It's so funnah, I had to strap om my drool bucket to read it :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

[volpster69]

oh my god i am rolling here
that was a great fawking story.
my side is still hurting from laughing :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

[Rusty Ford]

Oh man that was fawkin great!!! ROFLMAO

[SilverZuk]

Ah yes, another for the classic vault.

[Dieselmh]

Ah yes, another for the classic vault that we don't have because Camo is a nuttgobbling asshat!

What you should've said! :D

[ROKN ZJ]

:jester: Damn glad that was brough up to the top. Good job