Hunting With a Hammer

[Buddha's Ghost]

So I like to prowl the alleys of Seattle at night tracking winos. My weapon of choice is an 8 pound sledge, as it makes the hunt extremely invigorating without making it too easy. I'm trying to find something to use as a practice target so I can perfect my swing for the most humane method. Any other wino hunters out there have target ideas?

[Hayraker]

a goat tethered to a stake works nicely.

[Rip DeLips]

I can't beleive you would use an 8 pounder!!!

Even the drunkest of whino's can duck a slow swinging sledge man. Everybody knows that. Get a job with a framing crew and get yourself a well balanced 20 ouncer. It's all about accuracy man. Oh yeah, word to the wize, the hammers with the waffled nailing face tend to not slip off the whino's skull as easily. It really helps if the bastard stumbles a bit right as you start your swing.

[proletariat]

go to the playground. You'll find the fat kids are easier to catch AND bait.

[mudmaid]

Originally posted by Buddha's Ghost
So I like to prowl the alleys of Seattle at night tracking winos. My weapon of choice is an 8 pound sledge, as it makes the hunt extremely invigorating without making it too easy. I'm trying to find something to use as a practice target so I can perfect my swing for the most humane method. Any other wino hunters out there have target ideas?

[Just Some Asshole]

Bum hunting with a sledge is like Deer hunting with a bazooka, I use a table leg with a nail in it, quick humane kills and it makes the hunt more sporting too!

[TEX]

Originally posted by Rip DeLips
I can't beleive you would use an 8 pounder!!!

Even the drunkest of whino's can duck a slow swinging sledge man. Everybody knows that. Get a job with a framing crew and get yourself a well balanced 20 ouncer. It's all about accuracy man. Oh yeah, word to the wize, the hammers with the waffled nailing face tend to not slip off the whino's skull as easily. It really helps if the bastard stumbles a bit right as you start your swing.

Pffft, 20-ouncer is only for headshots, and even then only in ideal light & wind conditions. Sometimes, you have a wino quartering away from you where only a glancing body blow will work. I'll take a heavy, slow-moving sledge anytime


TEX

[Dieselmh]

I prefer to print out all of DRM's posts and bore the whinos to death! It's not nearly as humane, but you get to watch their heads explode in slow motion!

[Rip DeLips]

Originally posted by TEX


Pffft, 20-ouncer is only for headshots, and even then only in ideal light & wind conditions. Sometimes, you have a wino quartering away from you where only a glancing body blow will work. I'll take a heavy, slow-moving sledge anytime


TEX

Well, I'm actually getting into competition whino bashing. I'd like to see you get off a second swing with an 8 pounder on the whino's drunken buddy as he dives for the bottle of Richard's before it hits the ground. Maybe you should start carrying a 20 ouncer for back up.

[Dieselmh]

Two words.







Nail gun!

[The Joker]

Hmmm making me rethink my method of using a 34" Loisville. I prefer to keep a little distance. Had one clip me with his OE bottle one time.

But then that takes some of the sport out of it.

Better yet get up close and personal




























FORK

[TEX]

Originally posted by Rip DeLips


Well, I'm actually getting into competition whino bashing. I'd like to see you get off a second swing with an 8 pounder on the whino's drunken buddy as he dives for the bottle of Richard's before it hits the ground. Maybe you should start carrying a 20 ouncer for back up.

I'm not sure I'm too keen on the ethics of competition wino bashing. All of my winos go right into the freezer to feed my family for the Winter. I'm also not too thrilled with the trophy hunters who only take winos with no obvious physical deformities. You should be thankful for every wino you bash, even the skinny little 80-year-olds.


TEX

[Joe_W]

Originally posted by Just Some Asshole
Bum hunting with a sledge is like Deer hunting with a bazooka, I use a table leg with a nail in it, quick humane kills and it makes the hunt more sporting too!

Who cares about humane, do you really think the bum CARES about how he's going to wind up dead, end result is all the same

[Rip DeLips]

Originally posted by TEX


I'm not sure I'm too keen on the ethics of competition wino bashing. All of my winos go right into the freezer to feed my family for the Winter. I'm also not too thrilled with the trophy hunters who only take winos with no obvious physical deformities. You should be thankful for every wino you bash, even the skinny little 80-year-olds.


TEX

I guess I should enlighten you on competitions then. All kills are taken to the weigh in station and scored based on accuracy of blows, number of blows used in kill, and number of gold teeth still left in tact. Once scored, they are ground up and taken to the homeless shelter to make chili for the hungry. So it's really not as unethical as it sounds and the pay outs on some of these tourney's can make a man a damn good living doing what he loves.

[Joe_W]

Originally posted by Rip DeLips


I guess I should enlighten you on competitions then. All kills are taken to the weigh in station and scored based on accuracy of blows, number of blows used in kill, and number of gold teeth still left in tact. Once scored, they are ground up and taken to the homeless shelter to make chili for the hungry. So it's really not as unethical as it sounds and the pay outs on some of these tourney's can make a man a damn good living doing what he loves.

Hold on a minute, your feeding winos to winos Don't you wonder how Mad Wino Disease starts????

[Dieselmh]

Originally posted by Joe_W

Don't you wonder how Mad Wino Disease starts????

Watered down whiskey?

[APRILRAZZ]

Sounds like grest excersise! Think Ritchard Simmons will come out with a new tape?
Wino bashing to the oldies

[Dieselmh]

Have you guys ever accidentally mistaken a drunken partygoer for a whino? If so, what do you do? This one time I clocked some "whino" that ended up being a rich guy that had come out of a bar and passed out. I just took his wallet and left his body there to feed the other whinos, but I'm wondering what I should do next time.

[Rip DeLips]

Originally posted by Joe_W


Hold on a minute, your feeding winos to winos Don't you wonder how Mad Wino Disease starts????

There's enough booze in the chili that they aren't mad at all. Totally ethical circle of events I tell ya.

[Rip DeLips]

Originally posted by Dieselmh
Have you guys ever accidentally mistaken a drunken partygoer for a whino? If so, what do you do? This one time I clocked some "whino" that ended up being a rich guy that had come out of a bar and passed out. I just took his wallet and left his body there to feed the other whinos, but I'm wondering what I should do next time.

Dude, that's instant disqualification in tounaments. You've really got to be on top of your game if you're going to compete.

[Dieselmh]

Originally posted by Rip DeLips


Dude, that's instant disqualification in tounaments. You've really got to be on top of your game if you're going to compete.

I'm talking strictly amateur, I don't really have the free time to go pro! In hindsight, I guess the expensive jewelry, nice clothes, and chaufer standing over him going "He's not a bum, he's not a bum!" as I was clubbing him should've given me a clue to his richness, but Oh well, watchya gonna do? What's done is done.

[Rip DeLips]

Originally posted by Dieselmh


I'm talking strictly amateur, I don't really have the free time to go pro! In hindsight, I guess the expensive jewelry, nice clothes, and chaufer standing over him going "He's not a bum, he's not a bum!" as I was clubbing him should've given me a clue to his richness, but Oh well, watchya gonna do? What's done is done.

My primary sponsor, Plumb, is looking for new talent. Tighten up those skills and get some more practice...I'll put in a good word for ya.

[TEX]

Originally posted by Dieselmh
Have you guys ever accidentally mistaken a drunken partygoer for a whino? If so, what do you do? This one time I clocked some "whino" that ended up being a rich guy that had come out of a bar and passed out. I just took his wallet and left his body there to feed the other whinos, but I'm wondering what I should do next time.

Well, if it's before 9:00 p.m., they're in season as long as you can prove some level of intoxication or at least an easily detectable body odor. So, you just have to get 'em to the check-in station on time, unlike the winos that have no limits on hunting hours.

Now, on the competition thing, I still think perhaps catch&release wino hunting should be practiced for the tourneys. I mean, if we overhunt the winos during comps, it could make recreational wino bashing a lot more difficult. And unless we're able to lobby for an open season on assholes, I'm afraid the sport might suffer.


TEX

[Dieselmh]

Originally posted by Rip DeLips


My primary sponsor, Plumb, is looking for new talent. Tighten up those skills and get some more practice...I'll put in a good word for ya.

Do they supply the weapons too, or just the hunting clothes and bait?

Tex, if we are successful in opening an "asshole" season, how will we have to show proof. If I declare that someone is an asshole are they fair game, or do I have to provide witnesses?

[Rip DeLips]

Originally posted by TEX


Now, on the competition thing, I still think perhaps catch&release wino hunting should be practiced for the tourneys. I mean, if we overhunt the winos during comps, it could make recreational wino bashing a lot more difficult. And unless we're able to lobby for an open season on assholes, I'm afraid the sport might suffer.

TEX

Hey, don't point your finger at us man...it's those f'n commercial netters that are fawkin up the whino stocks.

You just wouldn't beleive all the mandatory throw-backs at the culling tables on the trawl trucks...women, kids, dogs, you name it. All killed for nothing! Fawkin' comms!!! Totally raping the resource!