I need to turn the old lady into a nympho

[MC]

I need some tips from guys that have done it. Basically I have a stock girl chassis and want to update it with bling parts that look great and make her move drivable. I also need to upgrade the thought area upstairs and get her to move like a lynx. Help man.....I am not out of tool life yet

[Mo]

need the year make and model

some detailed pictures of the headlights and rear end could help out as well

[MC]

I will see if I can take some sneak peak pictures from different angles...its hard to get the camera near the garage if you know what I am saying

[Moby]

If it's in good shape, send it over and I will do the conversion.

[Mo]

all too well, my friend. all too well.

[AZFJ]

Sometimes a trade-in on a newer, faster model is all you can do..lol

[MC]

Originally Posted by Moby

If it's in good shape, send it over and I will do the conversion.

Moby I am afraid that you will wreck it

Originally Posted by AZFJ

Sometimes a trade-in on a newer, faster model is all you can do..lol

This is true but the older beater box is still good yet...

[cptyarderho]

real women are built, not bought
need pics to determine if the investment will pay off.

[MC]

Like I said its hard to get the camera to the garage....I am really looking for a cost effective and simple conversion, I know their are cheaper ways than this

[Moby]

[QUOTE=MC]Moby I am afraid that you will wreck it

Yes, Yes I will.

You need the right tool for the right job.

[MC]

[QUOTE=Moby]

Originally Posted by MC

Moby I am afraid that you will wreck it

Yes, Yes I will.

You need the right tool for the right job.

[Robb]

She needs something (vibrator) to keep her battery strong when you are unavailable to take her for a spin. Believe me, giving her the ability to keep herself revving while you can't drive her, will make her hunger to go when you do have the time.

[trampas]

sometimes the only way to tune up an older model engine is to change the fuel you run in it.

i suggest Tequila.

[MC]

I tried everything...I rotated the tires, cleaned the carb, buffed the hood and even cleaned the headlights and she just doesnt perform like I want her too

[MC]

Originally Posted by trampas

sometimes the only way to tune up an older model engine is to change the fuel you run in it.

i suggest Tequila.

I think thats one of the main problems....she doesnt have a filler for booze...I think its definately a flat spot in the power curve

[Robb]

Slap it in the tail pipe!!!!

[MC]

Originally Posted by Robb

Slap it in the tail pipe!!!!

Really its more like dual exhaust sometimes

[Chister]

Oh hell.. you guys are not representin' the fine art of upgrading.

First.. you need to not look at the vehicle... you need to look at the owner.
You need to first get an overhaul for yourself. No self respecting Metrosexual garage owner is going to go out for a rid in his car looking like crap.. If you got a nice looking car, you need to be nice looking yourself. Shave your face. Comb your hair. Get a haircut. Groom yourself. and I mean this seriously... to the point of being Metroxesual.

I mean.. if you want to drive a chevy widebody.. no one cares how you look. But if you are wanting to show off your Cougar or your Jaguar... you better damn well look the part. Get some new clothes, some shiny polished shoes. Get dapper, man!

Get yourself in the gym. I mean, if you are going to be manhandling the equipment, you nbeed to be in shape. It's a lot easier to get your rods in the slots if you have the biceps, chest and lats to move it efficiently.

Now.. about your car. Cars are not objects. They are items to be adored and luxuried. If you want your Jaguar to be good to you, you need to be good to it. Take it down to a detail salon and have them detail your car. Ig your car likes it, get it waxed... Some cars like to be waxed in vertain areas, like right above the grill... others like to be waxed all over , even in the crevices of the trunk. (I hear that is quite popular with the newer cars, especially) If your car needs a new paint job, take it out to a shop and let it pick out as many paint jobs as it wants. Especially if it wants a whole bunch of undercoatings..

Now.. every car comes with two headlights. Typically these headlights last the lifetime of the vehicle. However, in recent years, it has become popular to upgrade the car's headlights from the older dimmer halogens to the new brighter and perkier blue-light highbeams. buying a new set of headlights for your car should be done with caution and after very careful consideration. I think if you listen to your car, it will tell you wheterh or not it wants new headlights.

Similarly, a lot of vehicles, especially pickup trucks are having their rear bumpers replaced with the valances off of sports cars. Most common that I see, is when a Chevy widebody pickup gets its bumper upgraded to an aftermarket Chevy Corvette rear end. It gives the car a racier, sleeker and sexier appearance.

Now.. one of the most important accessories that you can buy for your car to tranform it from a Chevy Caprice into a Jaguar is all of the Bling Bling accessories. Face it... no Caprice has Gold details, Platinum wheels, and silver dash accessories - these are things you find on the high dollar cars like the Jaguar.. You will notice a jaguar typically is resp[lendent with Gold trim, Silver highlights and even Platinum accessory pieces. Of all of the Bling Blings that you can add on, there is one piece that is the MOST important. This is the Carbon Fiber Drivers Side (Left) marker beacon. Each car that is owned must have a minimum of one Carbon beacon. and this carbon beacon must be real. Dont fall for or settle for a cheap glass imitation - they just down work as well. Get your car the biggest and best carbon beacon you can find. You may even accessorize the primary beacon with a number of smaller ancillaray carbon beacons. you can have several on the drives side, and some even put a few beacons on the passenger side of their jaguars. Also.. and this is very important.. you need to remember to buy a pair of Mirror beacons as well.. (Carbon of course).

Now that you have your Jaguar dressed up and waxed, and have a new color scheme on it, what are you going to do with it? No car wants to sit in the garage and collect dust. and it sure doesnt want to just haul the kids around. The best thing you can do, is pick a special night to take your jaguar out for a drive. You need to take care of some things first. YOu may need to go get a rental car for the night to use to shuttle the kids around in. Choose something really cheap and really new. Something like a Toyota Colroola or a Ford Festiva. Maybe even a Geo Metro. Just make sure it is something that your Jaguar will not get jealous of. For example, one member here on PBB even went so far as to purchase another car just for the kids. It was a German minivan, IIRC. It is nice to look at, but it still pales in comparison to his Jaguar, and the Jaguar knows that. It does not feel threatened to let the kids ride in the minivan.
So.., where to take your jaguar... tak your jaguar out to a gathering place, or if your city has one, a jaguar owners club. Line your jag up against all of the other pretty jags, and then... continually remark that sure the others are pretty, but a lot of them have had 10-15 previous owners, theyve been driven hard, and abused. Most of them are not really even that pretty once you start looking at their interiors or under the hood. Let your jaguar know it is the pretties, fastest, perkiest car on the face of the plane Now that you have taken your car to the club, you might consider taking it to a good Gas station and fill it up.. you need to make sure it is tanked up if you are planning on racing it later in the evening.., Take your credit card.. most jaguars, when taken out on the town will require large amounts of fuel. Speaking of fuel, go for the highest octane fuel you can find. You may want to even mix a little alcohol in to really get your jaguar tanked up.

after you get it tanked up, drive it around town. Look good with your jaguar. Let everyone know YOU have the best jaguar in town.

Then take your jaguar home. Park it in the garage and put it to bed so to speak. Wipe it down gently. You may even want to give it a good rubdown before you get out the lubricant and change the oil. remember... the lubricant and your fluids go under the front hood only. There are a few cars... very few... whose engines and ignition systems are in the trunk. But primary concern should be paid attention to the front end.

If you do all of these things, your Caprice will turn into a Jaguar and it will be a hot ride for years to come.

[4banger]

Damn man! I ain't readin all that! If i gotta read that much I'm going back to whatever I can get.

[Chister]

Originally Posted by 4banger

Damn man! I ain't readin all that! If i gotta read that much I'm going back to whatever I can get.

You must drive a Yugo.

[black jimmy]

That was good..... How long did it take for you to compose that ???

Originally Posted by Chister

Oh hell.. you guys are not representin' the fine art of upgrading....If you do all of these things, your Caprice will turn into a Jaguar and it will be a hot ride for years to come.

very clever, darlin'
but I prefer emeralds...dark green beauties....

but Jaguar is one of my favorite cars.......

hubby says I am a Ferrari 308GT - I just asked.....

you guys are coming up with some funnay lately......

[DozerDan]

Originally Posted by Chister

Oh hell.. you guys are not representin' the fine art of upgrading.

First.. you need to not look at the vehicle... you need to look at the owner.
You need to first get an overhaul for yourself. No self respecting Metrosexual garage owner is going to go out for a rid in his car looking like crap.. If you got a nice looking car, you need to be nice looking yourself. Shave your face. Comb your hair. Get a haircut. Groom yourself. and I mean this seriously... to the point of being Metroxesual.

I mean.. if you want to drive a chevy widebody.. no one cares how you look. But if you are wanting to show off your Cougar or your Jaguar... you better damn well look the part. Get some new clothes, some shiny polished shoes. Get dapper, man!

Get yourself in the gym. I mean, if you are going to be manhandling the equipment, you nbeed to be in shape. It's a lot easier to get your rods in the slots if you have the biceps, chest and lats to move it efficiently.

Now.. about your car. Cars are not objects. They are items to be adored and luxuried. If you want your Jaguar to be good to you, you need to be good to it. Take it down to a detail salon and have them detail your car. Ig your car likes it, get it waxed... Some cars like to be waxed in vertain areas, like right above the grill... others like to be waxed all over , even in the crevices of the trunk. (I hear that is quite popular with the newer cars, especially) If your car needs a new paint job, take it out to a shop and let it pick out as many paint jobs as it wants. Especially if it wants a whole bunch of undercoatings..

Now.. every car comes with two headlights. Typically these headlights last the lifetime of the vehicle. However, in recent years, it has become popular to upgrade the car's headlights from the older dimmer halogens to the new brighter and perkier blue-light highbeams. buying a new set of headlights for your car should be done with caution and after very careful consideration. I think if you listen to your car, it will tell you wheterh or not it wants new headlights.

Similarly, a lot of vehicles, especially pickup trucks are having their rear bumpers replaced with the valances off of sports cars. Most common that I see, is when a Chevy widebody pickup gets its bumper upgraded to an aftermarket Chevy Corvette rear end. It gives the car a racier, sleeker and sexier appearance.

Now.. one of the most important accessories that you can buy for your car to tranform it from a Chevy Caprice into a Jaguar is all of the Bling Bling accessories. Face it... no Caprice has Gold details, Platinum wheels, and silver dash accessories - these are things you find on the high dollar cars like the Jaguar.. You will notice a jaguar typically is resp[lendent with Gold trim, Silver highlights and even Platinum accessory pieces. Of all of the Bling Blings that you can add on, there is one piece that is the MOST important. This is the Carbon Fiber Drivers Side (Left) marker beacon. Each car that is owned must have a minimum of one Carbon beacon. and this carbon beacon must be real. Dont fall for or settle for a cheap glass imitation - they just down work as well. Get your car the biggest and best carbon beacon you can find. You may even accessorize the primary beacon with a number of smaller ancillaray carbon beacons. you can have several on the drives side, and some even put a few beacons on the passenger side of their jaguars. Also.. and this is very important.. you need to remember to buy a pair of Mirror beacons as well.. (Carbon of course).

Now that you have your Jaguar dressed up and waxed, and have a new color scheme on it, what are you going to do with it? No car wants to sit in the garage and collect dust. and it sure doesnt want to just haul the kids around. The best thing you can do, is pick a special night to take your jaguar out for a drive. You need to take care of some things first. YOu may need to go get a rental car for the night to use to shuttle the kids around in. Choose something really cheap and really new. Something like a Toyota Colroola or a Ford Festiva. Maybe even a Geo Metro. Just make sure it is something that your Jaguar will not get jealous of. For example, one member here on PBB even went so far as to purchase another car just for the kids. It was a German minivan, IIRC. It is nice to look at, but it still pales in comparison to his Jaguar, and the Jaguar knows that. It does not feel threatened to let the kids ride in the minivan.
So.., where to take your jaguar... tak your jaguar out to a gathering place, or if your city has one, a jaguar owners club. Line your jag up against all of the other pretty jags, and then... continually remark that sure the others are pretty, but a lot of them have had 10-15 previous owners, theyve been driven hard, and abused. Most of them are not really even that pretty once you start looking at their interiors or under the hood. Let your jaguar know it is the pretties, fastest, perkiest car on the face of the plane Now that you have taken your car to the club, you might consider taking it to a good Gas station and fill it up.. you need to make sure it is tanked up if you are planning on racing it later in the evening.., Take your credit card.. most jaguars, when taken out on the town will require large amounts of fuel. Speaking of fuel, go for the highest octane fuel you can find. You may want to even mix a little alcohol in to really get your jaguar tanked up.

after you get it tanked up, drive it around town. Look good with your jaguar. Let everyone know YOU have the best jaguar in town.

Then take your jaguar home. Park it in the garage and put it to bed so to speak. Wipe it down gently. You may even want to give it a good rubdown before you get out the lubricant and change the oil. remember... the lubricant and your fluids go under the front hood only. There are a few cars... very few... whose engines and ignition systems are in the trunk. But primary concern should be paid attention to the front end.

If you do all of these things, your Caprice will turn into a Jaguar and it will be a hot ride for years to come.

Quite possibly the best reply to any thread I have ever read,


Oh and by the way you have WAY to much time on your hands...

[Chister]

Originally Posted by black jimmy

That was good..... How long did it take for you to compose that ???

Started right after I read the post that was posted at 10:18.... but before the 10:21 post.
I also ate a pizza in there somewhere, too.

[Renee]

I'm not reading that long reply, but you guys can be awfully creative sometimes.

So does that mean I am what I love? And is that a good or bad thing?