I assaulted a vegan, tree-hugging democrat with a double cheeseburger - Pirate4x4.Com : 4x4 and Off-Road Forum

usmcdoc14 · 04-04-2006, 10:17 AM

I had to leave from work early as our heatpump at home is bringing the suck. So on my way out I picked up a diet Rockstar and 2 double cheeseburgers as today I count as my "bad food" day. And homeward bound I went.

It is beautiful driving today. Not to warm, not to cold and there is ZERO traffic on the roads seeing as it is noon thirty. 270 is nice and open with none of the idiot ballet that ensues in 4 hours. Amigo humming along as bias ply TSl's do on open highway and me with a mouthful of colon destroying death.

I finish one of the burgers and take a big swig of 400% of my daily B5 and the taurine tingles as it goes down. Bev says its going to make my coat shiny.270 goes from 4 lanes down to 2 and I notice a white car hauling ass a half mile or so behind me, so I go into the right hand lane.

The car goes in the right hand lane.

Next thing you know I have this little fucking hon/toy/geo/whatevathefuck trying to violate my Amigo like it was a cross-dresser at San Quinton. I literally CAN NOT SEE the dash of the car. All I can see is the top of a female driver and male passengers' head.
Now on a normal day they would have been testing the shear strength of SCD40 tubing while I was picking out a new set of tires in my head from the insurance check. But today I actualy have to get home before one so we dont have get some Texas BBQ rub for the ferrets due to the slow roasting they will get come summer if the A/C is not fixed.
I am doing 65+ by my speedometer, this is around 75-80 once you take into account the tires and shit. and I swear I can hear a little voice saying "AMIGO RAGE !!!!"

So I blinker, go to the left lane.

They go to the left lane

I blinker go to the right lane

they go to the right (note: no blinker. that means they are from around here)

I catch a glimpse of the driver and passengers face and I know neither of them.

Fine fuckers. Lets play.

I go back to the left lane and of course they follow and are all up in my shit again. My right hand opens the McDonalds bag and pulls out my paper wrapped armament. I (with the training of a thousand bras) open the wrapper with one hand and quickly gaze at my tactical foodstuff. At this point I note that I am still a little hungry so I flip back the top bun and grasp the death patty.
noblinkercheckthatitsclearSWEEEEEARVE to the right lane and with a supple wrist FLICK the triglyceride bomb out the drivers window.
I watch its beautiful arc, the heat lamp baked cheese glisten in the afternoon sun, and its impact just above the wipers right of center on the windshield

And I maintain speed.

and i giggle

Now the next part is what made it alllll worth it.
As they pull up next to me I see that she is not glaring at me, no. she is glaring and YELLING at her male passenger who is LAUGHING HIS FUCKING ASS OFF

I mean like sliding down the seat, eyes watering, hysterical laughter

.

And as they pass I see why:
On the back of the POS was a wide assortment of bumberstickers. The most prominent ones i could read were "Kerry" "somethinsomethin SUV" and "VEGAN"

It took every bit of me not to crash as I laughed my ass off. Mostly thinking of how much BS the guy in her car must have dealt with and how much better he feels now.

Ashley21 · 04-04-2006, 10:20 AM

That's great, thanks for the laugh.

Cue-Ball · 04-04-2006, 10:21 AM

preach · 04-04-2006, 10:23 AM

Why you gotta be mean to mantis?

rkcrawl · 04-04-2006, 10:24 AM

She was attacked by dead cow! She'll have nightmares now for weeks!

TR · 04-04-2006, 10:24 AM

that is great

usmcdoc14 · 04-04-2006, 10:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by preach

Why you gotta be mean to mantis?

He's ok,not all vegans deserve to be accosted with meat

Budd · 04-04-2006, 10:25 AM

Classic.

usmcdoc14 · 04-04-2006, 10:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rkcrawl

She was attacked by dead cow! She'll have nightmares now for weeks!

meat= yes

cow=....ummmmmm "maybe"

It is McDonalds

Sully · 04-04-2006, 10:26 AM

Roxywheels · 04-04-2006, 10:26 AM

You should have got her pregnant and shot him in the leg

sceep · 04-04-2006, 10:27 AM

usmcdoc14 · 04-04-2006, 10:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Roxywheels

You should have got her pregnant and shot him in the leg

Thats unpossible. She does not eat meat= no foreplay=no preggo

Bobzooki · 04-04-2006, 10:29 AM

MEEGO RAGE!!! You Rock, Gil!

UZI 9mm · 04-04-2006, 10:29 AM

Oh gawd Doc, there are too many funnies in there to pick out as a quote reply

mantis · 04-04-2006, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by preach

Why you gotta be mean to mantis?

Fuck dude, I don't care. I think it's hysterical

I freakin' hate when people push their agenda, ANY AGENDA, on others. Don't tell me my diet is bad, and I won't say shit to you.

And as it is I own 3 4-wheel drive vehicles, the best of which gets 14 mph down hill with a tail wind.

TexasBlake · 04-04-2006, 10:30 AM

I wonder if that dumb cunt realizes there are cattle products in the tires her car is riding on.

UZI 9mm · 04-04-2006, 10:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by usmcdoc14

meat= yes

cow=....ummmmmm "maybe"

It is McDonalds

"...think more legs"

Benzz0 · 04-04-2006, 10:34 AM

well better than my spoiled beemer bitch and coffee mug incident

nissanmudder94 · 04-04-2006, 10:34 AM

that's some funny shit man. I hate 270.

Benzz0 · 04-04-2006, 10:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TexasBlake

I wonder if that dumb cunt realizes there are cattle products in the tires her car is riding on.

YOU said TEH BIG "C"!!!!!

run fer your life! teh

is gonna get you!!!

TexasBlake · 04-04-2006, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Benzz0

YOU said TEH BIG "C"!!!!!

run fer your life! teh

is gonna get you!!!

No she won't. We're bretheren now. We both cry about the Alamo together and praise Stephen F. Austin.

Bobzooki · 04-04-2006, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Benzz0

YOU said TEH BIG "C"!!!!!
run fer your life! teh

is gonna get you!!!

Actually, talking about vegan bitches might be the one exception to the rule about the "see you next Tuesday" word. They're the kind of wimmin that come up with sayings like "Cunt is a term of endearment." (That's a quote, so I can use it there - and it's a quote of the one-time President, of the University of Colorado - a woman!!!)

APRILRAZZ · 04-04-2006, 10:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Benzz0

well better than my spoiled beemer bitch and coffee mug incident

You assaulted yourself with coffee???

Benzz0 · 04-04-2006, 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by APRILRAZZ

You assaulted yourself with coffee???

no...I am a MERCEDES person...get it right

the bitch got my favorite "Bastard Army" coffee mug thrown at her Dad's beemer...it exploded on the fender in a glorious shower of ceramic shards and her eyes got bigger than the TSL's on the amigo

brought a tear to my eye...I loved that mug

04-04-2006, 10:17 AM	#1 (permalink)
usmcdoc14 Fistful of Boomstick Join Date: Aug 2002 Member # 13344 Location: Norfawk, VA Posts: 12,177	I assaulted a vegan, tree-hugging democrat with a double cheeseburger I had to leave from work early as our heatpump at home is bringing the suck. So on my way out I picked up a diet Rockstar and 2 double cheeseburgers as today I count as my "bad food" day. And homeward bound I went. It is beautiful driving today. Not to warm, not to cold and there is ZERO traffic on the roads seeing as it is noon thirty. 270 is nice and open with none of the idiot ballet that ensues in 4 hours. Amigo humming along as bias ply TSl's do on open highway and me with a mouthful of colon destroying death. I finish one of the burgers and take a big swig of 400% of my daily B5 and the taurine tingles as it goes down. Bev says its going to make my coat shiny.270 goes from 4 lanes down to 2 and I notice a white car hauling ass a half mile or so behind me, so I go into the right hand lane. The car goes in the right hand lane. Next thing you know I have this little fucking hon/toy/geo/whatevathefuck trying to violate my Amigo like it was a cross-dresser at San Quinton. I literally CAN NOT SEE the dash of the car. All I can see is the top of a female driver and male passengers' head. Now on a normal day they would have been testing the shear strength of SCD40 tubing while I was picking out a new set of tires in my head from the insurance check. But today I actualy have to get home before one so we dont have get some Texas BBQ rub for the ferrets due to the slow roasting they will get come summer if the A/C is not fixed. I am doing 65+ by my speedometer, this is around 75-80 once you take into account the tires and shit. and I swear I can hear a little voice saying "AMIGO RAGE !!!!" So I blinker, go to the left lane. They go to the left lane I blinker go to the right lane they go to the right (note: no blinker. that means they are from around here) I catch a glimpse of the driver and passengers face and I know neither of them. Fine fuckers. Lets play. I go back to the left lane and of course they follow and are all up in my shit again. My right hand opens the McDonalds bag and pulls out my paper wrapped armament. I (with the training of a thousand bras) open the wrapper with one hand and quickly gaze at my tactical foodstuff. At this point I note that I am still a little hungry so I flip back the top bun and grasp the death patty. noblinkercheckthatitsclearSWEEEEEARVE to the right lane and with a supple wrist FLICK the triglyceride bomb out the drivers window. I watch its beautiful arc, the heat lamp baked cheese glisten in the afternoon sun, and its impact just above the wipers right of center on the windshield And I maintain speed. and i giggle Now the next part is what made it alllll worth it. As they pull up next to me I see that she is not glaring at me, no. she is glaring and YELLING at her male passenger who is LAUGHING HIS FUCKING ASS OFF I mean like sliding down the seat, eyes watering, hysterical laughter . And as they pass I see why: On the back of the POS was a wide assortment of bumberstickers. The most prominent ones i could read were "Kerry" "somethinsomethin SUV" and "VEGAN" It took every bit of me not to crash as I laughed my ass off. Mostly thinking of how much BS the guy in her car must have dealt with and how much better he feels now. __________________ Doc-14 Tactical Products: When it absolutely, positively needs to be made from random crap found in the back of my garage. You cant ban knowledge, learn to make your own guns right Here. New York, Colorado, Maryland, Conneticut….is your state next? Yes it is. Write, Vote and Fight.

04-04-2006, 10:20 AM	#2 (permalink)
Ashley21 Registered User Join Date: Sep 2005 Member # 52966 Location: Nevada Posts: 38	That's great, thanks for the laugh. __________________ Bones love da buttsecs Last edited by Ashley21; 04-04-2006 at 10:21 AM.

04-04-2006, 10:21 AM	#3 (permalink)
Cue-Ball Rock God Join Date: Feb 2003 Member # 17311 Location: Augusta, GA Posts: 2,250	__________________ Nex Pro Evinco "Death Before Defeat"

04-04-2006, 10:23 AM	#4 (permalink)
preach Registered User Join Date: Dec 2001 Member # 8713 Location: Live Free or Die Posts: 1,065	Why you gotta be mean to mantis? __________________ FiWi

04-04-2006, 10:24 AM	#5 (permalink)
rkcrawl Registered User Join Date: Nov 2001 Member # 8435 Location: East TN Posts: 1,685	She was attacked by dead cow! She'll have nightmares now for weeks! __________________ .

04-04-2006, 10:24 AM	#6 (permalink)
TR Zeus of the Sluice Join Date: Jan 2001 Member # 2877 Location: Gordonsville, Va Posts: 3,503	that is great __________________ Penn State study finds that heavy drinking is 100% easier than giving a shit

04-04-2006, 10:25 AM	#8 (permalink)
Budd Registered User Join Date: Mar 2004 Member # 28368 Location: OC, California Posts: 3,124 Blog Entries: 13	Classic. __________________ '68 Jeepster, GN powered

04-04-2006, 10:26 AM	#10 (permalink)
Sully Zeus of the Sluice Join Date: Jun 2002 Member # 12121 Location: Live Free or Die Posts: 4,774	__________________ Live Free or Die Why is mankind the only species that attempts to preserve the shallow end of its gene pool?

04-04-2006, 10:26 AM	#11 (permalink)
Roxywheels Girly Bender Join Date: Sep 2000 Member # 1842 Location: In the Pink! Posts: 21,643	You should have got her pregnant and shot him in the leg __________________ inthePINKracing would like to thank it's sponsors! Marlin Crawler Griffin Yukon Gear BFGoodrich Artec Industries FOA Raceline Poly Performance RuffStuff Magnum Ink Hendrix Motorsports Cupcake Jihad!!! I'm not a bitch, I just play one in your life

04-04-2006, 10:29 AM	#14 (permalink)
Bobzooki Registered User Join Date: Jan 2002 Member # 9419 Location: Gilpin County, Colorado Posts: 4,923 Blog Entries: 12	MEEGO RAGE!!! You Rock, Gil! __________________ 2012 Tahoe 24' Fish-N-Fun Tritoon, w/115hp Merc Tow Rig: The Battlestar Galactica

04-04-2006, 10:29 AM	#15 (permalink)
UZI 9mm Registered User Join Date: Jul 2001 Member # 5832 Posts: 3,833	Oh gawd Doc, there are too many funnies in there to pick out as a quote reply Last edited by UZI 9mm; 04-04-2006 at 10:30 AM.

04-04-2006, 10:30 AM	#17 (permalink)
TexasBlake El Guapo Join Date: Feb 2002 Member # 9722 Location: Denver, ColoRADo Posts: 4,754	I wonder if that dumb cunt realizes there are cattle products in the tires her car is riding on.

04-04-2006, 10:34 AM	#19 (permalink)
Benzz0 ZEUS of the JUICE! Join Date: Sep 2003 Member # 22923 Location: Richmond, Va Posts: 1,757	well better than my spoiled beemer bitch and coffee mug incident

04-04-2006, 10:34 AM	#20 (permalink)
nissanmudder94 Registered User Join Date: Oct 2002 Member # 14472 Location: Reisterstown, MD / Shepherdstown WV for school Posts: 204	that's some funny shit man. I hate 270. __________________ 94 nissan PU. d60 welded, full hydro, 14b detroit, 42 irok stickies. 06 dodge 2500.

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