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Old 02-22-2014, 04:48 AM   #1 (permalink)
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2 men charged with sex crimes against farmer's cows, state police say

god there are some twisted people, who should be taken out of the gene pool.

2 men charged with sex crimes against farmer's cows, state police say | syracuse.com


HERKIMER, N.Y. -- Two men were charged with sex crimes against several cows after a farmer installed video surveillance in his barn to find out why his cows weren't producing milk, state police said.

Michael H. Jones, 35, of Cedarville Road, Illion, and Reid A. Fontaine, 31, address unknown, were each charged with sexual misconduct, a misdemeanor.

State police said a local farmer set up video surveillance in his barn in an attempt to determine "why his cows appeared anxious," and were not producing milk as usual. The farmer contacted state police when he watched the video and discovered that his cows were being sexually abused.

State police said Jones agreed to film Fontaine as he tried to have sexual contact with several cows. State police did not provide further details.

Jones and Fontaine were arrested and released on appearance tickets.
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Old 02-22-2014, 04:54 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Dam..think about the checklist a guy has to go through...
  • Wife/girlfriend
  • Pickup a slut from the bar
  • buy a hooker
  • use your hand
  • hump the arm of the couch
  • grease up a knot in a tree

Bang a dairy cow has to be waaaay down past gloryhole at a truck stop even.
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Old 02-22-2014, 05:16 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Old 02-22-2014, 05:31 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Well us southerners can't drive in the snow, but atleast were not fucking dairy cows.
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Old 02-22-2014, 05:32 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Holy cow that's fucked.
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Old 02-22-2014, 05:37 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Damn, not only is one guy so messed up that he fuks a cow but he finds another guy just as messed up to join him. How the hell does that happen.
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Old 02-22-2014, 05:38 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Holy cow that's fucked.
Udderly fucked, I'd say.
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Old 02-22-2014, 05:41 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Herkimer is one f'd up town. I used to know someone who was raised there and he would tell some wild stories about that place.
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Old 02-22-2014, 05:45 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Well us southerners can't drive in the snow, but atleast were not fucking dairy cows.
That's because we all know that sheep has better pussy
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Old 02-22-2014, 06:02 AM   #10 (permalink)
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That's because we all know that sheep has better pussy
or we're too busy fucking our cousins.
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Old 02-22-2014, 06:05 AM   #11 (permalink)
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That's because we all know that sheep has better pussy
Mares eat oats and does eat oats, but little lambs eat ivy. A kid will eat ivy too, wouldn't you.

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"Mairzy Doats" is a novelty song composed in 1943 by Milton Drake, Al Hoffman and Jerry Livingston. It was first played on radio station WOR, New York, by Al Trace and his Silly Symphonists. The song made the pop charts several times, with a version by the Merry Macs reaching No. 1 in March 1944.
At first glance the song's refrain, as written on the sheet music, seems meaningless:
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Old 02-22-2014, 06:25 AM   #12 (permalink)
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What would the pirate solution be here?

post pics of the cow fawkers fawking cows all over town?

wait for the 'burglars' to return & provide some farmhouse justice for the raped cows?

extort $$$ from cow fawkers or the video goes to their wives/parents/boss, etc?

shit in their sunroof?
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Old 02-22-2014, 06:32 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Well us southerners can't drive in the snow, but atleast were not fucking dairy cows.
I thought you guys just liked old white guys from the north canoeing down a river.
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Old 02-22-2014, 06:33 AM   #14 (permalink)
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What would the pirate solution be here?

post pics of the cow fawkers fawking cows all over town?

wait for the 'burglars' to return & provide some farmhouse justice for the raped cows?

extort $$$ from cow fawkers or the video goes to their wives/parents/boss, etc?

shit in their sunroof?
Get cow that's dried up, and charge him for visitation on the down low. He aint raping women and he's not diddling kids so might as well make money.
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Old 02-22-2014, 06:36 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Is this how buttermilk is made?
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Old 02-22-2014, 06:42 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Maybe NYC will let us cow fawkers secede.... They don't want us anyway!
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Old 02-22-2014, 06:48 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Old 02-22-2014, 07:06 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Maybe NYC will let us cow fawkers secede.... They don't want us anyway!
It would behoove them to let you secede.
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Old 02-22-2014, 07:18 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Herkimer is one f'd up town. I used to know someone who was raised there and he would tell some wild stories about that place.
:armscrossedtappingfoot: Weeeeell... lets hear some on them.
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Old 02-22-2014, 07:20 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Old 02-22-2014, 07:22 AM   #21 (permalink)
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I thought you guys just liked old white guys from the north canoeing down a river.
"Squeeeeeeel like a pig boy"

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Old 02-22-2014, 07:23 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Get cow that's dried up, and charge him for visitation on the down low. He aint raping women and he's not diddling kids so might as well make money.
And how will the cow "feel" about this?
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Old 02-22-2014, 07:34 AM   #23 (permalink)
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:armscrossedtappingfoot: Weeeeell... lets hear some on them.
Just your typical stories of incest, larceny, burglary, fraud, spousal abuse, poaching, assault, mayhem, car theft and so on.
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Old 02-22-2014, 07:34 AM   #24 (permalink)
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And how will the cow "feel" about this?
Lonely.
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Old 02-22-2014, 07:40 AM   #25 (permalink)
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I thought you guys just liked old white guys from the north canoeing down a river.
Paddle faster, I hear banjos!
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