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Old 06-11-2009, 08:59 PM   #1 (permalink)
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shrews make loud noises when being killed...

Well, i was over my girlfriends house doing some design work when her cat came walking in with a muffled "MERROOOWWW". We looked over and he had a squirming shrew in his mouth. I didnt think anything of it, walked over and he placed it down on the floor.

I laughed when i saw it because i thought of Futurama where the guy from the 80's had "bone-itus"



Anyways... it was clear that this thing was still alive, in lots of pain. So i picked it up and took it out back. I set it down and it started doing, what i can only describe, as a circular rock buggy front dig within a 5 foot spurt, then it would roll over on its back. I went to pick it up, and it did it again.

Anyways, i left it to die and started walking away...i stopped and figured it would be more humane to put it out of its misery. I only had a knife, but it was dull. So I grabbed a large rock, lifted it above my head and heaved it down onto the ground. well...apparently the ground was much softer than i thought and it "Loony-tooned" him into a crater. At this point i was hearing a muffled loud shreak from beneath the rock. I felt really bad that i didnt kill it on the first hit (with the 30 lb rip rap rock). So i proceeded to smash him about 5 times before the screaming stopped.

Oh well....
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Old 06-12-2009, 06:21 AM   #2 (permalink)
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So I grabbed a large rock, lifted it above my head and heaved it down onto the ground. well...apparently the ground was much softer than i thought and it "Loony-tooned" him into a crater. At this point i was hearing a muffled loud shreak from beneath the rock.
I'm still laughing out loud at this.
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Old 06-12-2009, 06:29 AM   #3 (permalink)
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So I grabbed a large rock, lifted it above my head and heaved it down onto the ground. well...apparently the ground was much softer than i thought and it "Loony-tooned" him into a crater. At this point i was hearing a muffled loud shreak from beneath the rock.
Loony tooned

Baby rabbits make some terrible shrieks when huskies bite down on them and swallow them whole. Damn, one that traumatized me a bit.

I found a mouse in my shed the other day. Didn't want to kill him but decided I didn't want him in my shed even more. So I took a shovel and started swinging. He dodged a few but I finally connected and he started spinning around in circles in gimp mode. I felt bad and wanted to end it quick so I whacked him again and he kind of split in half but was still alive. I thought Holy shit and whacked him again as fast as I could, at which point one mouse became two. Sorry, Mickey.
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Old 06-12-2009, 06:33 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Old 06-12-2009, 06:40 AM   #5 (permalink)
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The Taming of the Shrew, a task more difficult than one would expect.
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Old 06-12-2009, 07:10 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I'm still laughing out loud at this.
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Old 06-12-2009, 07:34 AM   #7 (permalink)
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I drove a V8 monza for a while after high school. I was on my way to my job at the parts store, and as I am tooling up the access road behind the stores, I see a ground squirrel start to run across the street.

Our vector addition was very near zero. In fact, the outer sidewall of the driver's side front tire intersected (bisected, actually) the ground squirrel, as well as his path.

I pass the impact site, and glance in the rear-view mirror - only to see the ground squirrel, his back half flattened, pulling himself the rest of the way across the street - pumping his front legs furiously to reach his goal. It was as if Rambo, and lieutenant Dan had become a ground squirrel. Which I ran over.
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Old 06-12-2009, 07:38 AM   #8 (permalink)
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wtf is a shrew
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Old 06-12-2009, 07:41 AM   #9 (permalink)
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wtf is a shrew
me not know too
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Old 06-12-2009, 07:48 AM   #10 (permalink)
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This
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Old 06-12-2009, 07:51 AM   #11 (permalink)
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I pass the impact site, and glance in the rear-view mirror - only to see the ground squirrel, his back half flattened, pulling himself the rest of the way across the street - pumping his front legs furiously to reach his goal. It was as if Rambo, and lieutenant Dan had become a ground squirrel. Which I ran over.

Holy shit I'm dying and choking on coffee here.
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Old 06-12-2009, 08:48 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Old 06-12-2009, 08:49 AM   #13 (permalink)
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your an asshole

Been hearing that a lot lately. Mostly from the wife though.
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Old 06-12-2009, 09:07 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Anyways... it was clear that this thing was still alive, in lots of pain. So i picked it up and took it out back. I set it down and it started doing, what i can only describe, as a circular rock buggy front dig within a 5 foot spurt, then it would roll over on its back. I went to pick it up, and it did it again.
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I pass the impact site, and glance in the rear-view mirror - only to see the ground squirrel, his back half flattened, pulling himself the rest of the way across the street - pumping his front legs furiously to reach his goal. It was as if Rambo, and lieutenant Dan had become a ground squirrel. Which I ran over.
Rodents tend to die in dramatic comical fashion
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Old 06-12-2009, 09:09 AM   #15 (permalink)
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