When Cadillac's Attack

[minivanman]

Let me start out by mentioning that I'm a very safe driver. I'm not going to recite my lack of tickets during my long & illustrious driving career because I'm getting ready to go on long road trip and I don't want to jinx myself. I'll merely repeat... I'm a very safe driver.

If you accept that, then I'll continue with the story that my car was involved in an accident today. I will freely admit, when the accident occurred, I was talking on my cell phone, looking something up on a computer, and drinking a bottle of water. At first glance, you might think that's very irresponsible of me.

The thing is, I was doing all those things while sitting at my desk. In my office.


One of my co-workers came to me around 3pm today and asked if I remembered parking precariously close to a Cadillac in the parking lot when I arrived. I replied that I parked at an end parking spot - in order to avoid said Cadillacs - and there were no cars parked next to me when I pulled in.

"Well, the Cadillac isn't actually next to you... it's actually in front of you" she told me.

And now for a real treat... parking lot diagrams!! I know you like them!

Observe Diagram A... an overhead layout of the parking lot at my place of work


When I arrived at this office around 2pm, I pulled into the end parking spot in an effort to avoid getting hit by one of the many bad drivers who frequent our lands. Diagram B shows you where I parked...

So, when my coworker told me that there was a Cadillac in front of my car, you can see why my curiosity was aroused. I followed her out to the parking lot, and lo and behold... Diagram C


When we came out to examine the scene, there was no one present. We found an abandoned Cadillac wedged on top of a concrete curb and leaning against my front bumper. It's driver's side door was open and we spied two zip lock baggies in the front seat full of prescription pill bottles of various narcotic analgesics (i.e. Darvocet, etc).

With nothing else to do, I decided to invite the local law enforcement to visit my parking lot. He pulled up just as an elderly lady came walking out to the car.

The officer got out of his patrol vehicle and walked over to the cars. Just as he started to mutter "what the..." she came up and said "I was trying to turn around in the cul de sac and my car got stuck."

This... senior citizen... apparently drove to the end of the parking lot. Since she didn't want to risk hitting a car by backing up to turn around, she tried to use what she called the 'cul de sac' - the only problem being that there is no cul de sac, only the end of the parking lot and grassy lawn filled with trees.

She pulled straight through the end of the parking lot in her 2004 Cadillac STS and tried to "go around" the cul de sac. I wish I thought of asking her if she wondered why there was a tree in the middle of her cul de sac, but unfortunately it didn't occur to me at the moment.

Anyway, she didn't notice the 6 foot long concrete curb in front of my car as she tried to pull out between my & Marge's car. She obviously didn't notice when her front bumper cracked from hitting the curb, and he also missed the fact that she had to gun her engine to get the caddy's left front wheel up & over the 6 inch tall concrete curb.

She did mention that once she became stuck, when she tried to exit her vehicle she noticed that she had an awfully hard time opening her door. Closer examination revealed that her door was stuck on my front tire. Frankly, I have no idea how she even fit out the door.

It was pretty obvious that if it hadn't been for the concrete curb (and my front bumper), she would have t-boned Marge's car as she was completing her turn in the cul de sac. What the heck is Marge thinking anyway? It's hard enough to get out of that turn-around with all the trees... the last thing we need is people parking their cars in the way!


For those of you unfamiliar with California automobile insurance law, we have something called "no-fault" insurance.

In other words, even though I was 300 yards away from the scene of the "accident" when it occurred and my vehicle was parked, my insurance gets to pay for the damage to my car.

It's not so much the fact that the cost to repair my car will probably fall just under my deductible. I'm more concerned that this lady is an obvious risk to the rest of us on the road (or parked in parking lots, as the case may be).

The story that her insurance agent will likely hear is that she accidentally brushed up against a car in a parking lot (and maybe hit a concrete curb a little too hard and cracked her bumper). While those facts are technically true, the rest of the story is, in my opinion, pertinent.

Sure, she "bumped" a concrete curb and "scraped up against another car" in a parking lot... BUT SHE WAS ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE PARKED CARS WHEN SHE DID IT! See how one little factoid can make a difference in a story?

I'm not upset at this situation at all. I actually had a good laugh over it when we found out all the facts. I'm really glad that the lady didn't hurt herself. There's a hill just past the trees in the picture, and had she decided that her cul de sac was a little wider than it was, she may have gone over the hill and possibly injured herself.

But if anyone had ever told me that the front of my car would be hit by another automobile while parked where it was, I would have said they were crazy. Just goes to show what I know, eh?

[JEFFakaMAX]

One time in band camp...

[Radbassist]

Looks like MARGE fucked up.

[Chopperman]

Dude...

[Buddha's Ghost]

I'd rather lance an infected wart in my ass with a hot needle than read that dissertation of boredom.

[Moab Austin]

i saw a lady leave he post office and hit one..then two..then three cars....me and this guy just kept wathcing like..damn where is she gunna stop to take names?then she drove half way up the street..got out looked around then backed back down the street, then turned around and drove in her driveway..in an old dart..

she was so old she didn't even feel any of the smashed up cars

[basketcasejeep]

After looking at that last pic, you must have really been flying into that space to push that big cadillac into the grass!

Got any pics of the damage? I would think you'd be able to get her ins. to pay with that picture alone... but I'm no expert. Does your state check old people for driving ability every so often? I know some states test them at a certain age.

My grandad is 85, he drives pretty well still. I would have thought he would be a slow driver, but he got pulled over for speeding a few years ago...(rural state hwy, most folks speed there). Hope I'm still able to drive at that age...

[Mo]

I've got two fun parking lot stories, well, three, but the third just involves some nasty lot lizard, some frie... acquaintences, and a Red Ryder.

1. I was parked in a spot infront of a jersey barrier. I was in the car waiting for my wife to come out of the mall. (Del, this was under TowerCity if you're interested) You know, one of these:

Well, someone pulls into the parking spot next to me and proceeds to talk with the passenger. They were talking and looking for the nearest entrance to the mall. I watch one of them point then the driver puts their van in gear and and smash directly into the jersey barricade.

I started laughing, the passenger looked mortified, and the driver looked like he was about to shoot himself in the head.

B. I was picking my kids up at daycare. I pulled into the parking spot and stayed there to let the person next to me who had just loaded their kids leave. Well, I guess she put her van in D instead of R and proceeded to drive over the beautiful burning bush that was planted directly in front of her. This is what a burning bush looks like:

They're quite beautiful.

As soon as she realized something was wrong, she immediately applied the brake. She then looked around with a confused look on her face, then depressed the accelerator. However, she still didn't have the transmission in R. She applied the brake again. This time, she actually managed to shift the transmission into R and back away. Pulling the burning bush with her. It became dislodged in the middle of the parking lot. She fled the scene at a high rate of speed.

[ScottFJ40]

Pontiac Grand Prix's are the gay man's dream car.