** Suicides** How to deal?!?!!

[WertyzMom]

Ok.. I finally cracked this morning...

We had been being 'Strong' but today was the day that the tears sttarted and the fizzy feeling in my hands..

Last Thursday we saved a womans life, who just the day before, had been a happy VIBRANT person... I had been talking to her about camping on the river, and she was waiting for friends and didn't want to get in trouble for being there. No problem! I didn't see her car when we walked the river that night and thought she had gotten with them and left. She didn't. Thursday night around 8:30 we found the SUV... it was parked in the willows and if the evening light hadnt been just right I wouldnthave seen the glimpse through the bushes... I went over (with the sick feeling in my tummy) and saw nothing in the front seats or the rear seats ... I was looking at the steamed dripping windows and knew they didnt look like that for no reason... I shined the flashlight in the back and there was rumpled blankets... I was calling loudly and knocking on the truck or whatever you call it. nothing... it was eerie
Tim was helping a guy with a Toyota motorhome so I got them to come help... they pounded on the sides and called in the Authoritive Man voices and this thin crroaking voice said I'm fine.. go away...
I called the police and had them come for a Welfare check.
The Officer and Tim went to roust her... she wouldnt open the door and kept telling them she was fine.. though her voice was far from it...
The girls and I went to help to see if she could remember me, and open the door for me... and since it was almost dark thought she might have had a stroke and was scared and disoriented...
It took an easy hour to get her to open the lock on the door... no kidding...
She had sealed herself into the SUV ( a brand new Honda thing like a 4Runner) and had been there since the night before. She was so weak she couldnt make her fingers work with her brain, to open the lock... She couldnt focus on what Missah was talking to her about it where it was on the truck door... they kepyt encouraging her to look where the flashlight was shining at on the door and she COULD NOT DO IT!!
The officer was on the phone to the tow company and the ambulance and Missah and Tim kept calmly talking to her ... I ran up to some folks to get a little lazer light thing they had been playing with that night... I returned with it at the same time the Ambulance arrived... I showed them where everyone was ...and Tim pointed the lazer light at the lock... while Missah kept calmly talking her through using her thumb... and then BAM she clicked it... the door popped open and...stench was HUGE .. the alarm went off...The officer unlocked thef ront doors.. and the paramedic popped the hood while Tim pulled the battery cable...
That was the first hour ... the next two were spent going through the vehicle... and then us trying to talk her out!
She refused to get out and curled up into the tinyiest ball in the middle if the back seats..... she was SO tiny like a hunderd pounds and she would only allow me to sit with and touch her... we got her a coat and finally after rubbing her back and shouders and tiny thin self... I got her to stretch her legs out in front... she had been sitting them
We kept talking to her... she wouldnt let anyone but Tim, Missah and I near her... at first... then one of the Paramedics got her to smile and she took a shine to him ...Then Tim found a baggie of sky-blue pills in the little back hidiing spot... like in the 4runners?
Well it matched a little splat just outside the door... so the officer said That's enough! If she wouldnt come out for us, after this amount of time, they had to extract her... which they did.
That was at 11:30 almost midnight.
This beautiful wealthy older woman 52 with EVERYTHING going for her in this world ... gave me no signs less than 24 hours earlier....
That was Thursday.
Friday a friend of ours died of Brain Cancer.. Sunday they found her Fiancee... our good friend at his desk at 10 am... still warm... Tim had driven buy and been calling since Thursday... He had sat at Tims shop last week talking with him about dealing with what was about to happen with her, and we had been encouraging him and walking him through everything he had questions for .

No note ... no warning...

I was okay till his dad called today. He came up to handle everything (He had called us sunday at 3 in the afternoon asking if it was true ...since none of the authoritys had contacted him about it... so Tim and I called the Hospital and the Sheriffs... and became the liason between them. That is how we found out.
His dad thought I was someone else today ... and when he realized I was me, he said he 'was just spinning around and all the phone numbers and names were getting confused'... I told him it was totally understandable and we were here for him... but when I hung up and told Tim who it was... I lost it... This 70+ year old man has out lived and buried all of his children.
Tim spent today helping him pack and go through Jays effects.


How is it that we could save a strangers life and couldn't help our friends.

This sucks and I'm not sure how to deal with all this... Matthew broke his leg on Saturday so every night except lastnight has been amazing in it's intensity.
I know this isn't a subject that people talk about... but I need to have some insight or helpful information ...

Thank you all.
I know it isn't an easy thing to answer to.

[santa]

It is a tough time. The best I can do is tell you people who really don't want to, do it where they think they can be found. People who really want to do it don't let anyone know

[dumplin]

Going on almost 7 yrs. with a suicide next month , gets a little easier with time but can't forget . Had some counseling and went through grief therapy and started in church , still just plain ol' sucks though .

[SR5Dave]

My friend Rob shot himself last sunday. Funeral is tommorow.

I saw him the day prior and he was perfectly fine and getting along with everyone wonderfully at my friends wedding; he was one of the groomsmen even.

I didn't see it coming in the least.

[Slowerthanu]

I only read about half of that, it seems you are still a bit shook up.

I work at a hospital, we had a jumper on the top of the parking garage (6 story drop), we tackled her and brought her to the E.R. I won't ever forget that.

Watched a guy shoot himself in that same parking garage, that asshole lived too.

[FourBanger]

Damn. I have no advice to offer other than hang in there.

[Steve N]

Well if it makes you feel any better think of Brandon K/ moveaside. He made it. It was hard. He dealt with many feelings. Some you might have too. I consider him my friend. I used him as a role model for how to deal with someone who is difficult to deal with. Every time I thought about my own situation I thought about how he loved his wife and just dealt with it. Well in the end he wound up dealing with a ton more than I ever thought he would have to. It was hard for him. He's doing pretty good now and has his sense of humor back huh?

Saving one life was great. You can't save them all. No one can. Your friend didn't want to be saved. He let his grief overcome him. Don't let yours bring you down too far. You are here and your life is good. You guys did a wonderful thing with the one woman. Take some joy from that.

[crawlmag]

My step kids dad killed himself halloween 5 years ago. Funny you bring this up, my gf had that talk with them today out under the apple tree about how their dad really died. It's hard but life goes on. It has to. IT HAS TO. She took a week off to prepare for the funeral and was back in school and finished her degree that quarter (Bachelors) and didn't let him win. You HVE to keep going, move on, accept it. It is their choice, you had nothing to do with it. And I am sorry, I am sorry you feel this way. I have been there too, it is awful and helpless. I hate to quote courtney love but Live Through This.

[Dieselmh]

I don't really know what to say, except that sometimes life really sucks, and there's not much you can do except tough it out. You had the chance to save someone's life, and you did. Be happy for that. What your friend did to himself was totally out of your control. I personally haven't been affected by a suicide, but I had an uncle and cousin (his son) both get murdered by my uncle's ex wife's new boyfriend. I was a freshman in high school, and will never forget staring down at the both of them, then realizing that the bastard that killed them had the balls to show up at the funeral. Needless to say, it turned into a shitstorm, with a few arrests, and a LOT of upset relatives. Death is never easy. Sometimes you can do things to cheat it, which you did with the stranger, and sometimes you can't. I come from the "strong, silent" type of family too, so I won't sit here and tell you to just let it all out, because that's not how I cope, either. My only advice is to find something that makes you all happy, and do it, together. You have to focus on the positives of life, otherwise the negatives will get the best of you. Sorry for your loss, but I'm VERY proud of ya'll for saving that lady's life.

[missouriman]

congrats on saving the lady, that was a cry for help and you were there.
your friend wanted to do it and did. these things are usually not planned but happen in a moment.

I have delt with many suicides.
high school.
one friends father shot him self in thier brand new 250,000 tractor, how could you ever use that again?
anouther used a 30-06 to his head in the garage of thier home, while the kids were at home. I still remember trying to help them move and the bits of hair stuck in the garage roof.
a buddies room mate neatly stacked everything that he owned on my buddies bed, then went into the bathroom and blew his head off.
This one I am not sure of, could have been a deer or something like that, road his motor bike off a curve/cliff at a very high speed. from the broken trees it looks like he didn't even try to make the turn.


I work in a medical intensive care, so I see many that I don't know what was going on or what lead up to it.
Little girl took all her dad's blood pressure medication because they would not let her have the car.
alot with the loss of a spouse/boy friend, girl friend.
Some have many scars from past attemps, hanging marks, slashed wrists, bullet holes. It is pretty sad to think the attention they get by doing this is better then thier regular lives.

the above personal stories, like you said there was no indication of what was going to happen. We all make personal choices. It is in no way your fault that you did not see this comeing. I feel for you for your loss. From the sound of your post, go see a counseler get your self some help. Sounds like you have been through alot in the last week.
Above all it is OK to ask for help.

[NM Dirty Girl]

Wow, have you had a tough week. You are obviously a very caring and outgoing person. I was wonderful of you to take the time for the woman, and I bet your friend knew that you would put all of yourself into helping him and he did not want to do that to you, or did not want the help...sounds like it was a spur of the moment, overwhelming grief kind of thing. Let yourself grieve and take it one day (or maybe one hour) at a time. If you feel the need, it never hurts to talk with a professional. I haven't had to deal with any intense situations like this in a very long time, (Thank God), but I've dealt with my fair share, it gets better and life goes on, you will get back to yourself a little more everyday. Thank you for being a caring person, don't let these things change that about you.

[White Trash Runner]

It is very hard to deal with. My best friend or 17 years killed himself 1.5 years ago. I still think about him, especially since I saw him the night he died. I disagree that it gets easier with time, I prefer to just bottle it up inside.

[SilverZuk]

As they say, “When it rains, it pours”
I can related because we have had some bad times this year and it just seemed to be one right after another.
Anyone one of those things would be stressful, but when they all occur near the same time it is almost too much.
You all have touched the lives of all those that you have helped.
Try not to feel guilty because you weren’t there to stop him, or beat yourself up with the “should haves”. You all tried to help, he turned away and dealt with it his own way.

[0ILBURNER]

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Sounds like you're getting a lot stronger lately. Hang in there & lean on your family & friends if needed.

[Bobzooki]

Denise, I have a few great big hugs for you.

When both my parents died, two months apart, in South Dakota, my first reaction was to bury myself in my work. It kept me from thinking about it so much. But it took a LONG time to get past it, and I really didn't have anybody to help me with it, because I got divorced at the same time.

You saved a life! You had an opportunity, and you took it. There's no question about your capacity to love, to care, to help. Your friend is one where you didn't get the chance. It's not your fault. Don't beat yourself up for something you couldn't do. You've proven that you CAN do it, if you get the chance. Take that, and cherish it.

[landusepbb]

Originally Posted by White Trash Runner

I disagree that it gets easier with time, I prefer to just bottle it up inside.

VERY bad way to handle it. You obviously need to talk to someone about it, preferably a professional.

[mantis]

My wife's brother/my best friend killed himself 6 years ago.

We tried the suicide survivors help groups, but it was pretty pointless for us. Others swear by them.

I can't tell you what would help for you. My sister-in-law became really spiritual (not God spiritual, but spirits spiritual... started going to mediums, etc), my father-in-law pretty much lost all faith. My mother-in-law became highly medicated. I hit the bottle for a while, and pretty much disappeared from society.

I don't know what else to tell you. The hard times still come up, but less often. Now we remember the fun times more frequently, and if something reminds us of him we can talk about it with smiles instead of tears.

Good luck.

-mike.

[Screwzer2]

Originally Posted by Bobzooki

You saved a life! You had an opportunity, and you took it. There's no question about your capacity to love, to care, to help. Your friend is one where you didn't get the chance. It's not your fault. Don't beat yourself up for something you couldn't do. You've proven that you CAN do it, if you get the chance. Take that, and cherish it.

I couldn't of said it any better.

How many people would just ignore and walk away from the woman you helped? You and your family have good souls.