Opinions wanted Step child issue. . .

GRIDWNC · 06-20-2006, 01:05 PM

Our youngest has a bday coming up next week. We alternate weekly custody of the girls and she will be with her Mother & step-dad on her bday. I expected her Mother to bring up the bday party issue, but it didn't happen. I brought it up over a week ago and we communicated with her. My suggestions were nixed because of poor food at Chuck E Cheeses (I didn't know

). I'm out of town covering the WE Rock event this weekend so it can't be then and the 4th we are going camping so that's out.

Didn't here anything as to what or when, so I had Randy call and see if any planning had been done. Nope . . . So we discussed and decided on Weds. of next week and miniature golf/pizza. I had done the only research for this idea??!! At the end of the conversation Sunday night, we get told that she's going out of town until Thursday and asked if we can handle calling the mini golf park for reservations. Last night I realize that I will also have to send out the invites since she isn't around till Thursday and that will be too late to send them out.

I'm frustrated! It seems like every bday for the girls, that requires organization and planning, I end up having to do, often by default and at the last minute. When do I get to just show up and have fun??? Since they will have the girls the night of the party, she will be the "parent of the bday girl" for the night and I will be the "Hostess". UGH!!

OK so do I have a right to feel walked on? or should I just suck it up and stop

ironpig70 · 06-20-2006, 01:12 PM

you are doing it for your kid. another idea is to say fawk her and not do shit and have a big ass party the week before her actual birthday a big ass surprise party

bet top dollar that will frost somebodys cake

sceep · 06-20-2006, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ironpig70

have a big ass party the week before her actual birthday a big ass surprise party

^^ yes

then let "mom" take her to mini-golf

GRIDWNC · 06-20-2006, 01:19 PM

If only it were THAT easy!? We try to co-parent as much as possible, but I'm just chaffing at this latest bit. I often wonder why is it that as the step parent I do so much forward thinking and planning for things in their life and the birth parent doesn't. It just goes to prove that a parent is NOT created by the birth process!

Terrys_85_Toy · 06-20-2006, 01:20 PM

Or don't do anything and tell the step-daughter that mom dropped the ball.

Then have a "make-up" party for her at your place the next time she's over.

You're setting a precidence by doing it all yourself. It's almost expected now.

criscfer · 06-20-2006, 01:20 PM

Does it matter to your daughter whether it is on her B-day, the week before or after?
I think most kids would enjoy two parties more than one. Don't put so much pressure on yourself and take the path of least resistance.

jstandle · 06-20-2006, 01:22 PM

Some parent's don't care as much as others. Just remember it's the kids you are concerned about and do what ever is best for them.

GRIDWNC · 06-20-2006, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Terrys_85_Toy

You're setting a precidence by doing it all yourself. It's almost expected now.

We have been trying to keep the girls from having two seperate lives ( a "There" and a "Here"" as much as possible. Thus the one party theory with a mix of friends/family from both sides. The hope is to forstall the inevitable comparison of at Mom's house vs. at Dad's house crap.

I've always been the one to step up when no one else will and I guess that makes it my own fault. But damn it all!! I just don't get why I have this burning desire to do things fun and cool for the girls on special occasions and it seems an after thought for the one that gave birth to them! For some reason I feel guilty for feeling this way too. I just don't get it!

Terrys_85_Toy · 06-20-2006, 01:29 PM

You secretly want them to like you more. It's not your fault, you're a woman.

GRIDWNC · 06-20-2006, 01:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Terrys_85_Toy

You secretly want them to like you more. It's not your fault, you're a woman.

Ahhhhh NOW I understand! Thanks!

FLASHLIGHTMAN · 06-20-2006, 01:37 PM

If you gotta do the leg work, the bday kid or you should be able to pick the party place.

Ya can't go wrong with Chucky Cheese, yea the pizza is not the best and the beer is expensive, but the party ain't for the adults!! The kids ain't gonna know the pizza sucks,(unless someone tells them) they just wanna play, eat cake and ice cream and open presents.

Blame Canada · 06-20-2006, 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Terrys_85_Toy

Or don't do anything and tell the step-daughter that mom dropped the ball.

Then have a "make-up" party for her at your place the next time she's over.

You're setting a precidence by doing it all yourself. It's almost expected now.

I second this vote, except for the first part. On your day, just have a party like you want to have for her. Stop trying to do someone else's job that YOU feel they should be doing, and take care of your own resonsibilities when it's on YOUR time.

And then, maybe, you won't feel so walked on.

GRIDWNC · 06-20-2006, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FLASHLIGHTMAN

If you gotta do the leg work, the bday kid or you should be able to pick the party place.

Ya can't go wrong with Chucky Cheese, yea the pizza is not the best and the beer is expensive, but the party ain't for the adults!! The kids ain't gonna know the pizza sucks,(unless someone tells them) they just wanna play, eat cake and ice cream and open presents.

My thought EXACTLY!!!! I was like "WTF? It isn't a party for you!?"

p.s. HI! LTNS

Sluice Sally · 06-20-2006, 02:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blame Canada

On your day, just have a party like you want to have for her. Stop trying to do someone else's job that YOU feel they should be doing, and take care of your own resonsibilities when it's on YOUR time.

And then, maybe, you won't feel so walked on.

Agreed...........It's your's and Randy's time with her. Do your own thing, she'll appreciate it more

Schly · 06-20-2006, 02:28 PM

You're doing a great job. Don't let this woman make you feel taken advantage of. Deep breath.... remembery WHY you're doing this. For the kid and ONLY for the kid. Next party, let her organize the entire thing and when she calls to help, tell her you're busy every time. If she forgets, it's her fault, not yours. THIS time, just have fun and do what you're doing.

johnny_boy02 · 06-20-2006, 02:51 PM

Thanks for being a good step mom! Mine was a bitch.

I dont know what to say about the rest, but I think you have a right to feel walked on a little.

GRIDWNC · 06-20-2006, 04:17 PM

Thanks everyone. Because of my frustration over being "stuck" with the details, I wasn't having fun doing the details. When I realized that, I was resenting the whole process instead of feeling giddy over "creating" a card or planning it out, my feelings amped up real fast to anger then.

I don't think I'll ever understand willful detatchment from ones flesh and blood child and I don't know that I would want to!

Thanks again for helping me come back around.

06-20-2006, 01:05 PM	#1
GRIDWNC Registered User Join Date: Sep 2002 Member # 13515 Location: Elk Grove, CA Posts: 1,696	Opinions wanted Step child issue. . . Our youngest has a bday coming up next week. We alternate weekly custody of the girls and she will be with her Mother & step-dad on her bday. I expected her Mother to bring up the bday party issue, but it didn't happen. I brought it up over a week ago and we communicated with her. My suggestions were nixed because of poor food at Chuck E Cheeses (I didn't know). I'm out of town covering the WE Rock event this weekend so it can't be then and the 4th we are going camping so that's out. Didn't here anything as to what or when, so I had Randy call and see if any planning had been done. Nope . . . So we discussed and decided on Weds. of next week and miniature golf/pizza. I had done the only research for this idea??!! At the end of the conversation Sunday night, we get told that she's going out of town until Thursday and asked if we can handle calling the mini golf park for reservations. Last night I realize that I will also have to send out the invites since she isn't around till Thursday and that will be too late to send them out. I'm frustrated! It seems like every bday for the girls, that requires organization and planning, I end up having to do, often by default and at the last minute. When do I get to just show up and have fun??? Since they will have the girls the night of the party, she will be the "parent of the bday girl" for the night and I will be the "Hostess". UGH!! OK so do I have a right to feel walked on? or should I just suck it up and stop __________________ I have a right to my opinion & to get info where I wish. If that offends you, get a life. If any of my posts bother "you", . I'd rather be vulgar, than an adulterous liar. "Speak your mind even if your voice shakes" <Maggie Kuhl If you're afraid to parent don't breed. Last edited by GRIDWNC; 06-20-2006 at 01:20 PM.

06-20-2006, 01:19 PM	#4
GRIDWNC Registered User Join Date: Sep 2002 Member # 13515 Location: Elk Grove, CA Posts: 1,696	If only it were THAT easy!? We try to co-parent as much as possible, but I'm just chaffing at this latest bit. I often wonder why is it that as the step parent I do so much forward thinking and planning for things in their life and the birth parent doesn't. It just goes to prove that a parent is NOT created by the birth process! __________________ I have a right to my opinion & to get info where I wish. If that offends you, get a life. If any of my posts bother "you", . I'd rather be vulgar, than an adulterous liar. "Speak your mind even if your voice shakes" <Maggie Kuhl If you're afraid to parent don't breed. Last edited by GRIDWNC; 06-20-2006 at 01:19 PM.

06-20-2006, 01:20 PM	#6
criscfer Long Horn Join Date: Nov 2001 Member # 8448 Location: 10aC Posts: 402	Does it matter to your daughter whether it is on her B-day, the week before or after? I think most kids would enjoy two parties more than one. Don't put so much pressure on yourself and take the path of least resistance. __________________ Bad decisions make good stories.

06-20-2006, 01:22 PM	#7
jstandle Registered User Join Date: Feb 2003 Member # 17130 Location: Eastern Oregon Posts: 806	Some parent's don't care as much as others. Just remember it's the kids you are concerned about and do what ever is best for them. __________________ >>>>>> Jordan >>>>>>

06-20-2006, 01:37 PM	#11
FLASHLIGHTMAN Registered User Join Date: Mar 2000 Member # 547 Location: CITRUS HEIGHTS /Pville CA. Posts: 1,272	If you gotta do the leg work, the bday kid or you should be able to pick the party place. Ya can't go wrong with Chucky Cheese, yea the pizza is not the best and the beer is expensive, but the party ain't for the adults!! The kids ain't gonna know the pizza sucks,(unless someone tells them) they just wanna play, eat cake and ice cream and open presents. __________________ RocknRoll4x4.com Club Member Been a FOUNDING FOTR since day one!!!

06-20-2006, 01:12 PM	#2
ironpig70 Registered User Join Date: Sep 2001 Member # 6957 Posts: 4,189	you are doing it for your kid. another idea is to say fawk her and not do shit and have a big ass party the week before her actual birthday a big ass surprise party bet top dollar that will frost somebodys cake

06-20-2006, 02:28 PM	#15
Schly Jesus rode dinosaurs Join Date: Jan 2001 Member # 2741 Location: Santa Rosa, CA Posts: 1,724	You're doing a great job. Don't let this woman make you feel taken advantage of. Deep breath.... remembery WHY you're doing this. For the kid and ONLY for the kid. Next party, let her organize the entire thing and when she calls to help, tell her you're busy every time. If she forgets, it's her fault, not yours. THIS time, just have fun and do what you're doing. __________________ "The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people, it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government." -- Patrick Henry

06-20-2006, 02:51 PM	#16
johnny_boy02 Registered User Join Date: Dec 2003 Member # 25603 Location: Marysville, CA Posts: 1,161	Thanks for being a good step mom! Mine was a bitch. I dont know what to say about the rest, but I think you have a right to feel walked on a little. __________________ [QUOTE=moveaside]I'm not into blonde white girls. I like asians they look like little boys.:cool2;[QUOTE] I wont cast the first stone or leave the first mark but I will leave a lasting impression Buy stuff from [url]www.ruffstuffspecialties.com[[url] and [url]www.aa-fab.com[[url]

06-20-2006, 04:17 PM	#17
GRIDWNC Registered User Join Date: Sep 2002 Member # 13515 Location: Elk Grove, CA Posts: 1,696	Thanks everyone. Because of my frustration over being "stuck" with the details, I wasn't having fun doing the details. When I realized that, I was resenting the whole process instead of feeling giddy over "creating" a card or planning it out, my feelings amped up real fast to anger then. I don't think I'll ever understand willful detatchment from ones flesh and blood child and I don't know that I would want to! Thanks again for helping me come back around. __________________ I have a right to my opinion & to get info where I wish. If that offends you, get a life. If any of my posts bother "you", . I'd rather be vulgar, than an adulterous liar. "Speak your mind even if your voice shakes" <Maggie Kuhl If you're afraid to parent don't breed.

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