Dealing with deaths

[Mr Roxy]

How do you guys deal with deaths in your family? My grandma just passed last night, and am having a hard time with it. I didnt go see her when I was home last because I was wheelin and it is eating away at me. I am so far away, cant get home, and am pretty alone over here. I dont mean for this to be a pity party, just trying to get it off my chest i guess. Carry on.
Robert

[surveyboy]

you're doing it right now. you're dealing with it and remembering her.

everyone works different ways.

and if there is anything you need, let me know.

[Terrys_85_Toy]

Sorry about your loss Robert.

[Mr Roxy]

Thank you, my family is very small so it is just pretty much my parents left. I guess I feel life slipping by.

[InfantryYJ]

Just go on with your life. Death is a part of it and it happens. Don't dwell on the death of the individual, but remember the good and bad times of them while they lived. People that I know that have died would have wanted it that way.

I like that line in "The Last Samurai" when the emperor ask Cruise to tell him about how Katsumoto died, Cruise responded with "Let me tell you how he lived".

[tacoma73]

My grandfather died 2wks ago, and I went through the same thing. Felt bad because I live so far away, and I didnt' get over to see them much when I WAS home.

I have been keeping in mind that he lived long enough to see all of his grandkids into adulthood, and that he seemed pleased with the way things had gone so far. Given his strong Christian faith, I've been finding it kind of hard to be very upset about his DYING, I'm just a little sad that I didn't get to know him better when I had the chance. He was a neat guy.

You do what you can. If you can't be here, you can't be here. No one should blame you for that, and I'm sure she would understand. Try and remember when you were a kid, if you start feeling down. Grandmothers rule when you're a kid!!!

[ChevyGal]

Sorry for your loss Robert. I'm sure your grandma knew you loved her. If you didn't then you wouldn't be making a post like this, feeling her passing in such a manor. It's hard to lose loved ones. When I lost my grandma it took me awhile before it sunk in. You deal with it best you can. At first, each day that comes along and something reminds you of them, it stings a bit. But as times goes by, you heal and you go on with life. The best way to remember your grandma and show you loved her, carry on the things she taught you and told you. Share her life with others so they too can know how special she was to you.

[rockmup]

Originally Posted by Mr Roxy

I didnt go see her when I was home last because I was wheelin and it is eating away at me.
Robert

Don't spend your time feeling bad about your choice. I'd imagine she understands more than you think.
I'm sorry for your loss

[Roxywheels]

Originally Posted by rockmup

Don't spend your time feeling bad about your choice. I'd imagine she understands more than you think.
I'm sorry for your loss

Thats what I told him. He called her when he was home on R & R and wrote her letters. She received a letter just the other day from him, so I'm sure she was very happy about that.

[Crash440]

I would agree with Roxy & rockmup.

I'm sorry for your loss



My grandma's kidney cancer came back last week so I understand what you mean by that "Life slipping away" feeling.

[Bubba Ray Boudreaux]

Originally Posted by InfantryYJ

Just go on with your life. Death is a part of it and it happens. Don't dwell on the death of the individual, but remember the good and bad times of them while they lived. People that I know that have died would have wanted it that way.

I like that line in "The Last Samurai" when the emperor ask Cruise to tell him about how Katsumoto died, Cruise responded with "Let me tell you how he lived".

I'm with IYJ on this one. In short, I don't deal with death. The only deaths that I really dwell on is the suicide I worked last summer. One of those mysteries that I would love to have some answers to.

Family deaths don't really affect me much. I just remember the times that I had around them and go from there.

[Roc Doc]

Originally Posted by Mr Roxy

I didnt go see her when I was home last because I was wheelin and it is eating away at me.

Your parents and grandparents want you to have the best possible life, and they relish when you make the most of it. You made contact with her when you were on R&R, and I'm sure that made her proud and happy.

"Live like you're going to die tomorrow. Learn like you're going to live forever."

BTW, thanks for your service.

[JasonR]

I'm sorry for your loss Robert

[Muddin]

Originally Posted by Mr Roxy

How do you guys deal with deaths in your family? My grandma just passed last night, and am having a hard time with it. I didnt go see her when I was home last because I was wheelin and it is eating away at me. I am so far away, cant get home, and am pretty alone over here. I dont mean for this to be a pity party, just trying to get it off my chest i guess. Carry on.
Robert

Sorry to hear about your grandma.

You never know when someone will pass so don't feel guilty for not knowing. Easier said than done, but just try.
Rely on friends and family. The pain will ease with time.
I'm sure she's very proud of you and would have wanted you to spend your free time wheeling while home from serving her country.

[ironpig70]

sorry for your loss remember her for all the good times you had with her

[MT4Runner]

When my grandpa passed, my Dad was really broken up about it. Our family pastor told him, "Your parents and grandparents teach you a lot about life. This is the final lesson they will teach you-- to learn about death."

If you need to grieve, don't ignore it. It may work for some, but it may not work for you. It's a necessary part of the healing process.

The only thing you're missing by not being home is the closure for yourself. She wouldn't care if you are there or not. Funerals, etc. aren't for the dead; they're for the living. Find some black market whiskey and have your own private wake in her honor!!!

Thank you for your service.

[whistle pig]

Originally Posted by InfantryYJ

Just go on with your life. Death is a part of it and it happens. Don't dwell on the death of the individual, but remember the good and bad times of them while they lived. People that I know that have died would have wanted it that way.

I like that line in "The Last Samurai" when the emperor ask Cruise to tell him about how Katsumoto died, Cruise responded with "Let me tell you how he lived".

Well said!!

You just have to think of the good times and carry on with life.

[SanDiegoCJ]

Originally Posted by Mr Roxy

How do you guys deal with deaths in your family? My grandma just passed last night, and am having a hard time with it. I didnt go see her when I was home last because I was wheelin and it is eating away at me. I am so far away, cant get home, and am pretty alone over here. I dont mean for this to be a pity party, just trying to get it off my chest i guess. Carry on.
Robert

Robert, just remember her. I've dealt with this a number of times and all the
"could-a, would-a, should-a" done's don't help. Just remember all the good
times you two had.

[Hef]

I'm sorry for your loss Robert. I'm having my own troubles right now dealing with the deaths of my father and my friend last year, compounded by stress at work and a few other things. It hurts.

I've been seeing a doctor and taking Wellbutrin for anxiety. It helps my mood, and I feel better talking to someone about all the stuff I've been going through. Still, it hurts, because I miss my dad and my buddy George, even though I feel no guilt or blame. I just miss them.

You can't think about "what you should have done", like SDCJ said. All you'll do is bury yourself under a mountain of guilt that you don't deserve. You know your grandma loved you. She knew you loved her, and that you're a grown man with responsibilities.

I wish I spent more time with my dad. I wish I could have seen what was going on inside his head. But that's done and gone. I do remember that one evening, he told me how proud he was to see what kind of man I've grown to be, and he told me how much he loved me.

That is what I choose to remember. Damn, now I've got tears welling up in my eyes.

You just need to talk to someone about it. It isn't easy. Again, I'm sorry for your loss.

[GRIDWNC]

Right now any memory is a healing memory. You have to go through all of the feelings each memory invokes. Trying not to regret is hard. But I think you need to go through that regret also in order to heal.

I am so sorry for your loss. I could never fathom your situation at all when something like this has happened and you have a country to defend. God bless you and I'm sure your Grandmother IS so very proud of you and is now watching over you.

[Roxywheels]

I spoke with Robert's Mom this afternoon and she said they found out that his Grandma had colon cancer and thats what caused the obstuction. They say she must had had it for a very long time and it just now got to a point where it caused her problems. So, I consider her fortunate that she never had to deal with all that would have been involved with the treatment. She was never sick from it and only felt pain on Sunday and she passed on Monday. She was lucky to have gone quickly and with all of her dignity.

[Boheefus]

Originally Posted by Mr Roxy

How do you guys deal with deaths in your family? My grandma just passed last night, and am having a hard time with it. I didnt go see her when I was home last because I was wheelin and it is eating away at me. I am so far away, cant get home, and am pretty alone over here. I dont mean for this to be a pity party, just trying to get it off my chest i guess. Carry on.
Robert

My Grandpa passed last year, he had been going downhill with alzhiemer's for the past 11 years or so...we all thought that every family function was going to be his last, but he kept hanging on. When he finally went, there was a lot of guilt involved as we had all been expecting it for so long that it wasn't really a shock when he went.

Just remember all the good times, and the bad, those memories will be with you forever, and you wouldn't trade them for the world.

My condolences buddy

[YellowSub1962]

sorry to hear Robert. Just remember the good times and know that she loved you and you brought her happiness in her final days with your letters and calls. <insert totally masquline non man hug here>




















































PS- you can take your hand off my ass now

[Azzy2000]

Sorry about your Grandmother, Robert.

[blackyj95]

Hey bud ....

My Grandfather passed in May. he was 90 and he lived a hell of a life. I was lucky and saw him a few weeks before . death is part of life simple as that. Losing someone closer to our age would be alot harder I did it a few times in HS cousins and friends.

J

if ya need to talk im ususally on all night on MSN jay_lutz@hotmail.com