Family law sucks ass, big hairy sweaty ass.

[AthlonAJ]

If you see in the news about some guy going postal in Iowa, it was me. Going through a long, drawn out divorce after being married for 9 years. To sum it up, she got into partying which led to cheating, legal trouble, disregarding our daughter and her responsibilities to this family. The last couple months she's been wanting to work things out but still continues to just not come home at random, get drunk and whatever else, then either not come home at all for days or stumble in the house at 5-6am. I pay for EVERYTHING around here eventhough she works full time, rarely gives me anything to help with the bills and the care of our daughter.

Now the times when she's been gone all weekend don't really bother me, it's when she comes back Sunday night and then stays all week. It's messing with our daughter's mind and flat out using me. What's really just tweaked me though is she'll call me on her way home Fridays and ask if we need anything, then stop at her friend's and it's game over. Last night was a prime example, never did come home until 6 this morning. I kept telling the little one, she'll be home in a bit because I thought she would be, then got to the point where it was obvious. The disappointment on her face just kills me inside. Pretty much a given that she's going to be sleeping all day eventhough she's supposed to be taking care of the little one so I can work.

I've thrown her shit out so many times it's unreal, the trunk of her car has been full of clothes for probably 2 months. It's screwing with our daughter, it's not a healthy environment to be in for either of us. But there isn't jackshit that can be done about it which I think is total bullshit. I'd move but my shop is located on the property and I pay for all of this. She's got her lawyer just dragging their feet and delaying shit, which benefits her but my only concern in all of this is our daughter-she's paying the price more than anyone. This blows, she can disrupt this household, screw with our daughter's mind and use me for a free motel/restaurant and there isn't shit that can be done about it.

[Blind Driver]

So why would we have heard of you in the news?

[CaryW]

When I started having to lie to the kids, thats when I threw in the towel quietly, gathered every name she partied with and told her to sign the divorce and custody papers or her and half the town would be in court.

Is she about 27 or so?

[Holocene]

AthlonAJ,

I feel better about my speeding ticket after having read your post.

Thank you.

[Rockit]

Went throught the exact same thing starting about 5 years ago. Divorce can be a wonderful thing.
Good luck!

[AthlonAJ]

Originally Posted by CaryW

When I started having to lie to the kids, thats when I threw in the towel quietly, gathered every name she partied with and told her to sign the divorce and custody papers or her and half the town would be in court.

Is she about 27 or so?

30. I wish that would work for me. She's on probation for two serious charges involving an incident with booze and us. Not even supposed to be drinking because if she gets into any trouble, wham-they throw the book at her. Still doesn't stop. She knows full well that I'm dragging her party buddies into court and all the shit is getting aired, doesn't stop her. She's even going to substance abuse counseling (2nd time) but I think that's more of a "looks good on paper" thing for her legal trouble. It's almost like she's in this other world where she thinks the laws don't apply to her and that nothing can or will happen.

[s10er8]

Stop putting up with this and do something about it! I got a divorce 8 years ago, yes it sucks at the time and you have that period of getting over it but after a few weeks or month or whatever without her your life will be much improved. Yours may be a little harder though, mine was very civil... we both grew apart and decided to just get a divorce. Good luck no matter what you do.

[LRDisco]

Originally Posted by AthlonAJ

She's on probation for two serious charges involving an incident with booze and us. Not even supposed to be drinking because if she gets into any trouble, wham-they throw the book at her. Still doesn't stop.

Dumbass. There's your answer. Get someone to take care of your daughter for a couple of days when you know your soon-to-be-felon-and-ex-wife is partying, follow her when she's driving drunk and call it in.

Dirty and underhanded? Maybe, but it'll get the job done. That's the PBB way

[jmcbroom]

Does your attorney think you've got good odds of wining custody? If so, I would very much recommend requesting an attorney ad-litem. The cost would be split between you and your wife, but the attorney ad-litem's job is ONLY to look out for, or represent the best interest of the child.

I came this ('') close to getting one last time I went through all this crap because the legal system was screwing me out of my rights as a father. After I, or my lawyer rather, mentioned this to the court her lawyer started playing ball. Once those attorney's get involved there is very little that can be done to sway the courts opinion.

They will interview you and visit your house to see how you and your child interact and make a recommendation to the court as to their findings. Since the attorney ad-litem is only interested in the child's best interest the court very rarely ignores them.

Sucks, I know, I've been there and didn't see my daughter for the first year of her life. Hang in there.

[CronusTRD]

change the locks

[Crash440]

I agree with the call it in and have her arrested then it's out of your hands and your hair so to speak. It's her own fault and she deserves it IMO.

I'm sorry your daugther is getting hurt her by her also, that is sad. Good luck.

[Urban Wheeler]

Was going to suggest child protection services, see if they can document the soon to be ex's behavior. Only thing is they might want to take your daughter away for awhile.

[f250crawler]

Why not just let her prob officer shes still drinking

[LRDisco]

Originally Posted by f250crawler

Why not just let her prob officer shes still drinking

$20 says she'll get a slap on the wrist and a "don't do it again" after she cries the big ol' crocodile tears.

DUI, not so much. That's a guaranteed legal mess on her plate that should get her out of their hair for a while.

[AthlonAJ]

Originally Posted by s10er8

Stop putting up with this and do something about it!

I am, the process was started months ago it's just going through the motions and the extremely sloooooow court process.

Originally Posted by LRDisco

Dumbass. There's your answer. Get someone to take care of your daughter for a couple of days when you know your soon-to-be-felon-and-ex-wife is partying, follow her when she's driving drunk and call it in.

Dirty and underhanded? Maybe, but it'll get the job done. That's the PBB way

Good idea.

Originally Posted by jmcbroom

Does your attorney think you've got good odds of wining custody? If so, I would very much recommend requesting an attorney ad-litem. The cost would be split between you and your wife, but the attorney ad-litem's job is ONLY to look out for, or represent the best interest of the child.

Not sure if we can do that in this state. I've got an excellent attorney and we're very confident on me getting custody. The charges she's facing directly relate to that. Can't hurt to ask though, thanks.

Originally Posted by CronusTRD

change the locks

Sucky part about that is I have to legally give her the keys or let her in every night.

Originally Posted by f250crawler

Why not just let her prob officer shes still drinking

Self-probation, what a joke. She's not been formally charged, they basically made recommendations for her to follow through with and if she does all charges are dropped. Of course she's self-destructing and now they're looking at charging her.

I offered to resolve this by me taking the majority of the debt, I'd get custody of our daughter until she straightened out and pay no child support. I figure I'm paying for it all now anyways. But go figure, the moment she even thinks of agreeing to it she goes out, gets an earful from the bar experts and then changes her mind. By the way she talks she wants to basically destroy my business, she's very jealous of that. With all the shit she's done I have every reason to be vindictive and flat out drag her through the coals in court, but that's no my intention. I truly want her to get on her feet and her head out of her ass for the sake of our daughter which is my number one priority.

I figure next time she goes out I'm loading up her beater car with all her stuff, driving it over to her bar buddy's house that she stays with and parking it in their driveway. They want to enable her, they can keep her. At least this weekend I can stay at my parent's house with the little one while they're on vacation. Pretty sad I can't stay at the home I pay for.

[Joe_W]

Realize it's over, stop allowing her to shit all over you and the kid and get her served with a restraining order keeping her away from the house.

And call her in next time she's drunk. My biggest regret is not popping the law on my ex when I could (should) have

[tonka22]

dude get her pissed off and let her hit you a couple of times. Call the police and file bat then lock her out for good

[the Merg]

Originally Posted by LRDisco

Dirty and underhanded? Maybe, but it'll get the job done. That's the PBB way

How has this bit of poetry gone unnoticed?

[nissancrawler]

Originally Posted by tonka22

dude get her pissed off and let her hit you a couple of times. Call the police and file bat then lock her out for good

Yeah, they'll really buy that (true or not).

[Chark]

That ain't nothin"...I do feel for ya as I also live this same shit.

Anyhow...every time she was out...it was "I love you"...like I caused her to do the shit...quit as my Granpa said "cuttin' a dogs tail off an inch at a time" and file for D...move out and take your daughter if you have too.

Above a full year after this stuff started in my life...she was not living with me...called and asked to go out for dinner on our anniversary...later that night she came to the bar I was at....and with her Jeep Liberty did $ 4200 body damage to my tow rig....

Now it's been 4 years and she phoned me asking if I thought she should marry not the 1sy guy...but the 2nd that was her friend.

Cut them loose YOU* will go on and times get better!!!

PS....the reason she did this was...."you and that damn Jeep"...hell if it had fell off the Jack stands she never found me til I did'nt show up on payday.

Good luck...stay sober and count on your closest friends...keep busy and shit can any country music you own!! Hell I hate that stuff more now than ever!!

[Kim~]

I wish you luck. Your daughter is amazingly adorable and it bklows my mind that a mother doesn't look into the eyes of her child and see what she is doing.

I know it will work out fo ryou. Write everything down.

What I reallly hope for you is that her mother wises up and sees what she is doing to her daughter, and snaps the fawk out of it --for her sake.

[Chark]

Bottom line...Dad must love his Daughter more than Mom....always treat the "trash" with respect in front of your daughter...yes the kids have it tough.

My son lives with me now....and saw that dad's love was and always was in his best interest.

I would never wish that stuff on anyone...Good luck.

[withamc]

Originally Posted by AthlonAJ

With all the shit she's done I have every reason to be vindictive and flat out drag her through the coals in court, but that's no my intention. I truly want her to get on her feet and her head out of her ass for the sake of our daughter which is my number one priority.

When my daughter was going through her divorce, I talked about it with a lot of my friends. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM who had been through a divorce told me - without a doubt and having 20/20 hindsight - go for blood. You try to be nice and fair and she WILL hand you your ass.

[Joe_W]

Originally Posted by withamc

When my daughter was going through her divorce, I talked about it with a lot of my friends. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM who had been through a divorce told me - without a doubt and having 20/20 hindsight - go for blood. You try to be nice and fair and she WILL hand you your ass.

da truth

[Kim~]

Originally Posted by withamc

When my daughter was going through her divorce, I talked about it with a lot of my friends. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM who had been through a divorce told me - without a doubt and having 20/20 hindsight - go for blood. You try to be nice and fair and she WILL hand you your ass.

I am learning this right now. You have to go all the way or not at all.