Originally Posted by dntsdad
I was going to say the same thing a couple of times as the OP has repeated that he "gets it".
I am not trying to sound like a martyr or anything but until you've been there, you don't "get it".
Similarly, you also don't get the fear and pain your friend has, even though he may tell you about it.
I don't "get" the fear of being in combat just because someone told me about it, or I saw a movie.
What your friend's wife did was fucked up. Really fucked up. And you are correct, if she has any amount of humanity, that her actions will haunt her for a long time......although I hope not forever.
Being that her person of choice was a younger, college-aged kid, I would imagine that she got the double whammy of the traditional "look.....a younger guy still finds me attractive" coupled with the lonely feeling of being a caretaker. A perfect storm.
I'd say support your friend and he needs, and deserves, it more than her. he didn't choose anything when she did.
However, give grace as you can to her today, and moving forward. After your friend and his glioblastoma run their course together, she will need support for her and children.
Maybe their is a communication fail on my part here. Maybe I should say that "I understand" as opposed to "I get it." Like saying, I sympathize as opposed to empathize. It has not happened to me (fortunately), so I cannot say I know what it feels like. However, I can understand the rationale behind her decisions. Maybe saying she was a coward was harsh. Maybe I should just say what she did is seriously fucked up, and has some serious consequences beyond just herself.
To you and crowbar, I am sincerely sorry for your loss. And no, I cannot empathize with what you have been through. But, I feel for you and hope the best for you both. Life can be tough and unfair. That is for sure.