Originally Posted by toyrunner
It has been my experience forgiveness is a key to my survival. I had to at first forgive myself for the years I had squandered away drinking and drugging. I then asked forgiveness from my family and peers that I had betrayed, and from some of my old employers.
I have been active in the fellowship to varying degrees for almost 27 years. Dec 15 is another milestone for me.
I felt the most relief I have ever experienced after working on those 12 Step things they talk about. If you are thorough in these the results are beyond any effect from any outside stimulus you can think of. Life is in session and you'll find a way to walk through any catastrophe with your dignity intact.
All of this has been done one day at a time and sometimes one second at a time. No matter what, I did not quit quitting! The alternative would not be pretty.
Put your bet 100% into this and you too can recover! Life is way better sober.
Best wishes to you and feel free to bend an ear if you have a need.
Thanks Danny. I'm on day 3. Last 4 days have been hell. I detoxed without any medical treatment whatsoever. I know, stupid, but I'm a scientist so I know what I'm doing.
Just kidding. Really though I've been through detox and withdrawals so many times I have it down to a science. Only medical detoxed 4 times. I can't tell you how many I have done on my own.
First 24 hours I can't keep a damn thing down. There is usually a period at about 24-48 hours where it gets terrible. Heart palpitations, slight hallucinations, ringing tinitus, shakes, hot/cold sweats, dizziness. Once I make through 2-6 hours of that, I know I am good. Then I am able to keep fluids down and usually by 48 hours I can have some soup and crackers. I use pedialyte and Body Armor with intermittent water. I usually can't sleep for at least 3-4 days. I was able to drug myself with a sleeping pill last night and catch 3 hours of sleep. Sleep is questionable tonight. Eventually I crash and sleep for like 14 hours and when I wake up I can eat and drink normally.
So I am in the clear. And yes I fully expect to be told I am an idiot for non medical detox but I'm through the worst of it. Any chance of seizure would have happened by now. I got myself through it by posting on PBB and FB. I have to keep my mind of it and TV doesn't work.
My last two detoxes and withdrawn treatments were medical. This time I wanted to suffer. I want to remember this THIS time. I felt the full brunt of alcohol withdrawals the last 3 days.
I'll need about a week to clear my head. I rebound rapidly as soon as get that first long sleep. I went to two meetings while I was detoxing, so I think that deserves some credit at least.
Anyway I have to be humorous about this because if I am not I will get depressed. I am trying really hard to keep a positive attitude no matter how shitty I still feel. And posting here and on FB has been very therapeutic, because close to 100 people have reached out to me and told me they care deeply about me. To be honest I thought no one gave a shit, I thought no one fucking cared if I lived or died. I felt alone.
But people have written me some stuff that has really made me realize how many people love and care about me. I had no fucking clue. And maybe that is why I am still here. Because for a long time I couldn't figure out why I couldn't die. As I said, when I told doctors honestly the volume I drank and for how long every single one (4 total) was fucking shocked. Like I said, I've probably had BACs of .5 or even .6. I was held in the drunk tank in Davis once. They weren't gonna let me out until my BAC was below .02. It took 25 hours. And I could function at these BACs, which is the terrifying thing. I am grateful as fuck that I never killed anyone. A kid I went to school with killed two people so wasted he doesn't remember. Living my life having done something I can't remember would be truly horrific. I am the WORST of the worst alcoholic. If anyone can get anything from my posts here understand that if you are worried about the path you are on, don't let it progress to what I have gone through the last couple years. This will be your life. And I swore it would NEVER happen to me, even as I saw my intake and frequency slooooowly increase year by year. Took 16 years for me.
There is some reason I am still here. And I am trying to remind myself of that every day. Thank you again, you PBBers have been a huge part of this epiphany that I needed to have.