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Old 12-09-2016, 03:29 PM   #726 (permalink)
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When I was younger, I married a gal whom was an alcoholic. I didn't know it, and she never admitted it. Yeah, I knew she drank a little, but I knew nothing of the disease, or, the quantity she was drinking.

Yes, you're wired to be an alcoholic, by your own admission. And yes you need to quit.

Wife and I got divorced, and now she's dead. The liver can only stand so much, before it quits.

I however fell back in love, and remarried, and have a blessed life. Great wife. Three kids. Life is great. You too can have that blessed life. I'm not a particularly religious dude, but I'll say a prayer for ya.
How much and how often did she drink?
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Old 12-09-2016, 04:10 PM   #727 (permalink)
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How much and how often did she drink?
This is 20 years ago, or so.

At first it was a bottle of wine, per day. But, towards the end, it was a bottle or two of wine, plus a good amount of vodka. She'd wake up at night, drink vodka, and go back to sleep. First drink of the morning was wine, then coffee. Got the shakes unless she drank. Refused to go to doctor. Finally I forced her to go to a rehab clinic (basically I just loaded her in a car, and drove her there). Detox was a bitch. Rehab clinic was slightly better. She stayed sober for 2 weeks, after we (I) spent 20K on the whole process. Marriage lasted less than a month after that. She blamed me for her drinking, as I had a stressful job at the time.

Learned a lot about AA, and Alanon (might have spelled that wrong), and the hereditary nature of Alcoholism, plus a lot about the disease. I was the classic Enabler. She was the classic User.
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Old 12-09-2016, 04:21 PM   #728 (permalink)
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This is 20 years ago, or so.

At first it was a bottle of wine, per day. But, towards the end, it was a bottle or two of wine, plus a good amount of vodka. She'd wake up at night, drink vodka, and go back to sleep. First drink of the morning was wine, then coffee. Got the shakes unless she drank. Refused to go to doctor. Finally I forced her to go to a rehab clinic (basically I just loaded her in a car, and drove her there). Detox was a bitch. Rehab clinic was slightly better. She stayed sober for 2 weeks, after we (I) spent 20K on the whole process. Marriage lasted less than a month after that. She blamed me for her drinking, as I had a stressful job at the time.

Learned a lot about AA, and Alanon (might have spelled that wrong), and the hereditary nature of Alcoholism, plus a lot about the disease.
Reminds me of my former friend. He's been drinking heavily for 16 years. First he started off with JD all day (drink, sleep, wake, drink, sleep, repeat) then he got a couple DUI's and quit JD but drinks beer ALL DAY LONG till he passes out. His gut got huge lately and I think it's liver disease. I keep asking him to do stuff like go out, off road, visit my new fucking house, but he just won't leave his parent's home so I said fuck him and haven't spoken to him since.

I consider myself an alcoholic but I do not drink that much. I drink after work for a couple hours, eat, then go to bed. I have no desire to drink all day long, however, my choice of brain buzz is Vodka so I know it's going to do a number to my liver if I don't stop.

I've stopped a few times for a week or a month and never got shakes or anything like that but I keep going back to it cuz it's sort of a habit.

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Old 12-09-2016, 05:44 PM   #729 (permalink)
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This is 20 years ago, or so.

At first it was a bottle of wine, per day. But, towards the end, it was a bottle or two of wine, plus a good amount of vodka. She'd wake up at night, drink vodka, and go back to sleep. First drink of the morning was wine, then coffee. Got the shakes unless she drank. Refused to go to doctor. Finally I forced her to go to a rehab clinic (basically I just loaded her in a car, and drove her there). Detox was a bitch. Rehab clinic was slightly better. She stayed sober for 2 weeks, after we (I) spent 20K on the whole process. Marriage lasted less than a month after that. She blamed me for her drinking, as I had a stressful job at the time.

Learned a lot about AA, and Alanon (might have spelled that wrong), and the hereditary nature of Alcoholism, plus a lot about the disease. I was the classic Enabler. She was the classic User.
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Reminds me of my former friend. He's been drinking heavily for 16 years. First he started off with JD all day (drink, sleep, wake, drink, sleep, repeat) then he got a couple DUI's and quit JD but drinks beer ALL DAY LONG till he passes out. His gut got huge lately and I think it's liver disease. I keep asking him to do stuff like go out, off road, visit my new fucking house, but he just won't leave his parent's home so I said fuck him and haven't spoken to him since.

I consider myself an alcoholic but I do not drink that much. I drink after work for a couple hours, eat, then go to bed. I have no desire to drink all day long, however, my choice of brain buzz is Vodka so I know it's going to do a number to my liver if I don't stop.

I've stopped a few times for a week or a month and never got shakes or anything like that but I keep going back to it cuz it's sort of a habit.
That is me to a T the last year or so.
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Old 12-09-2016, 05:52 PM   #730 (permalink)
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Yes, I am. I have a sponsor. I need more numbers. But I do enjoy AA now, even though I slipped up. I heard at a meeting once "Religion is for people afraid of hell, spirituality is for people who have been there."

I have been to hell. And I don't want to be there anymore. I can't keep doing this to my friends and family. And I will die. But I want to be sober more than anything. For myself and for the aforementioned people.

And I feel like a fucking coward, my dad is a purple heart Vietnam vet and both my Grandfathers served in WWII, one was a badass aerial photographer for the Army Air Corps on the B-25 and the other served on a battleship. The B-25 navigator/photographer took most of the photos from the pacific. I have Tokyo after the Doolittle raids and Manilla fucking destroyed on original prints. He was also good friends with Doolittle and Macarthur among other famous WWII soldiers. And here I am getting shit on by people and I lose my shit. I come from a family of soldiers and I'm a fucking alcoholic. It honestly bothers me deeply. I wish I was 10 percent of the men my father, and grandfathers were. I'm a good scientist but that is about it.

My grandmother on my moms side was the only person that never judged me. She knew I had demons, and she loved me to the end. Everyone in my family thinks she didnt know, but she did. I'm the only person that knows this. She loved me through my darkest time and I am thankful for the time I spent with her before she died. Both my grandfathers passed when I was a young child, she has been the only person that fucking got me in my family. And she was a Southern Bell, barely drank herself. I miss her dearly.
Everyone else can forgive you, and maybe will one day.
The real bitch is learning how to forgive yourself.
Good luck.

There is one big difference between Alcoholics and drug addicts.
Alcoholics build castles in the sky.

Drug addicts try to live in them.
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Old 12-09-2016, 06:11 PM   #731 (permalink)
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yotasmob, the thing you need to focus on is you. Friends and family are important, but you have to be selfish and do this for you. All the shit you need to deal with is in between your ears. If you just keep it simple and don't let those things at the end of your arms pour alcohol into the hole in your face, you win.
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Old 12-09-2016, 07:03 PM   #732 (permalink)
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Everyone else can forgive you, and maybe will one day.
The real bitch is learning how to forgive yourself.
Good luck.

There is one big difference between Alcoholics and drug addicts.
Alcoholics build castles in the sky.

Drug addicts try to live in them.

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yotasmob, the thing you need to focus on is you. Friends and family are important, but you have to be selfish and do this for you. All the shit you need to deal with is in between your ears. If you just keep it simple and don't let those things at the end of your arms pour alcohol into the hole in your face, you win.
I know. Its hard for me. But I am gonna try and forgive myself.

Thanks for all the encouragement.
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Old 12-11-2016, 08:35 AM   #733 (permalink)
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I know. Its hard for me. But I am gonna try and forgive myself.

Thanks for all the encouragement.
It has been my experience forgiveness is a key to my survival. I had to at first forgive myself for the years I had squandered away drinking and drugging. I then asked forgiveness from my family and peers that I had betrayed, and from some of my old employers.
I have been active in the fellowship to varying degrees for almost 27 years. Dec 15 is another milestone for me.
I felt the most relief I have ever experienced after working on those 12 Step things they talk about. If you are thorough in these the results are beyond any effect from any outside stimulus you can think of. Life is in session and you'll find a way to walk through any catastrophe with your dignity intact.
All of this has been done one day at a time and sometimes one second at a time. No matter what, I did not quit quitting! The alternative would not be pretty.
Put your bet 100% into this and you too can recover! Life is way better sober.
Best wishes to you and feel free to bend an ear if you have a need.
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Old 12-11-2016, 09:41 AM   #734 (permalink)
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Today is day 1 for me. i have finally made the call its time to knock it off. i have been a heavy drinker for 15 years; started with beer, built a huge tolerance to where beer wouldnt do it for me anymore, and switched to vodka. i am also a huge fan of cheap malt liquor tall boys . for the last 3 months i am putting down a 1.75 of bottom shelf vodka every 3 days. i go to work every day, but have noticed my ambition has dried up, i feel like shit all the time, and my biggest concern in life is when/where my next drink will come from. for the last several years i have gotten into a weekend habit of slamming 3 or 4 8% tallboys at lunch, and then sleeping the afternoon away, only to wake up around 4pm, do something for a few hours, and hit the vodka till i pass out. im fucking tired of living like this, and look forward to feeling better. alcohol has consumed my life and i need it gone
Good for you, get your life back. It is much easier without the fog of alcohol, and a damn sight easier without a hangover
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Old 12-11-2016, 02:40 PM   #735 (permalink)
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It has been my experience forgiveness is a key to my survival. I had to at first forgive myself for the years I had squandered away drinking and drugging. I then asked forgiveness from my family and peers that I had betrayed, and from some of my old employers.
I have been active in the fellowship to varying degrees for almost 27 years. Dec 15 is another milestone for me.
I felt the most relief I have ever experienced after working on those 12 Step things they talk about. If you are thorough in these the results are beyond any effect from any outside stimulus you can think of. Life is in session and you'll find a way to walk through any catastrophe with your dignity intact.
All of this has been done one day at a time and sometimes one second at a time. No matter what, I did not quit quitting! The alternative would not be pretty.
Put your bet 100% into this and you too can recover! Life is way better sober.
Best wishes to you and feel free to bend an ear if you have a need.
Danny
Thanks Danny. I'm on day 3. Last 4 days have been hell. I detoxed without any medical treatment whatsoever. I know, stupid, but I'm a scientist so I know what I'm doing.

Just kidding. Really though I've been through detox and withdrawals so many times I have it down to a science. Only medical detoxed 4 times. I can't tell you how many I have done on my own. First 24 hours I can't keep a damn thing down. There is usually a period at about 24-48 hours where it gets terrible. Heart palpitations, slight hallucinations, ringing tinitus, shakes, hot/cold sweats, dizziness. Once I make through 2-6 hours of that, I know I am good. Then I am able to keep fluids down and usually by 48 hours I can have some soup and crackers. I use pedialyte and Body Armor with intermittent water. I usually can't sleep for at least 3-4 days. I was able to drug myself with a sleeping pill last night and catch 3 hours of sleep. Sleep is questionable tonight. Eventually I crash and sleep for like 14 hours and when I wake up I can eat and drink normally.

So I am in the clear. And yes I fully expect to be told I am an idiot for non medical detox but I'm through the worst of it. Any chance of seizure would have happened by now. I got myself through it by posting on PBB and FB. I have to keep my mind of it and TV doesn't work.

My last two detoxes and withdrawn treatments were medical. This time I wanted to suffer. I want to remember this THIS time. I felt the full brunt of alcohol withdrawals the last 3 days.

I'll need about a week to clear my head. I rebound rapidly as soon as get that first long sleep. I went to two meetings while I was detoxing, so I think that deserves some credit at least.

Anyway I have to be humorous about this because if I am not I will get depressed. I am trying really hard to keep a positive attitude no matter how shitty I still feel. And posting here and on FB has been very therapeutic, because close to 100 people have reached out to me and told me they care deeply about me. To be honest I thought no one gave a shit, I thought no one fucking cared if I lived or died. I felt alone.

But people have written me some stuff that has really made me realize how many people love and care about me. I had no fucking clue. And maybe that is why I am still here. Because for a long time I couldn't figure out why I couldn't die. As I said, when I told doctors honestly the volume I drank and for how long every single one (4 total) was fucking shocked. Like I said, I've probably had BACs of .5 or even .6. I was held in the drunk tank in Davis once. They weren't gonna let me out until my BAC was below .02. It took 25 hours. And I could function at these BACs, which is the terrifying thing. I am grateful as fuck that I never killed anyone. A kid I went to school with killed two people so wasted he doesn't remember. Living my life having done something I can't remember would be truly horrific. I am the WORST of the worst alcoholic. If anyone can get anything from my posts here understand that if you are worried about the path you are on, don't let it progress to what I have gone through the last couple years. This will be your life. And I swore it would NEVER happen to me, even as I saw my intake and frequency slooooowly increase year by year. Took 16 years for me.

There is some reason I am still here. And I am trying to remind myself of that every day. Thank you again, you PBBers have been a huge part of this epiphany that I needed to have.

-Nick
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Old 12-11-2016, 03:38 PM   #736 (permalink)
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There is some reason I am still here. And I am trying to remind myself of that every day. Thank you again, you PBBers have been a huge part of this epiphany that I needed to have.

-Nick
Nick, you help me as much as I can help you. Just sharing this with me has been a gratuitous gift from you to me.
I can only share my experience and hope with you. I too, was of the worst kind. Life was a living hell and to be sober compared to that is a blessing. That quote of , "religion being for those that don't want to go to hell and spirituality is for those that have been to hell", is quite accurate.
I have faith that if you want to stay sober and are willing to go to any length to stay sober, you will. Surely there are many of us that do!
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Old 12-11-2016, 06:07 PM   #737 (permalink)
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Good for you, get your life back. It is much easier without the fog of alcohol, and a damn sight easier without a hangover
well, fell of the wagon a few times, but for the last 2 weeks i have not had any booze of any kind on a day/night before a work day. that means two 5-day stretches with nothing to drink. i havrnt done that in 15+ years, and even "smuggeled" booze into the hospital when i knew i would be there a few days

once this holiday nonsense is over with, going to try to kick it entierly

--oh, and no liquor in 3 weeks, just shitty beer
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Old 12-15-2016, 11:21 PM   #738 (permalink)
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Nick, you help me as much as I can help you. Just sharing this with me has been a gratuitous gift from you to me.
I can only share my experience and hope with you. I too, was of the worst kind. Life was a living hell and to be sober compared to that is a blessing. That quote of , "religion being for those that don't want to go to hell and spirituality is for those that have been to hell", is quite accurate.
I have faith that if you want to stay sober and are willing to go to any length to stay sober, you will. Surely there are many of us that do!
Thank you.

Just here to say I made it to day 7. Feeling a whole hell of a lot better.
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Old 12-16-2016, 04:36 AM   #739 (permalink)
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That's awesome man. Glad to hear.
Just one day at a time
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Old 12-16-2016, 05:24 AM   #740 (permalink)
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I quit drinking liquor April of this year.

I was pretty bad, one liter of Vodka everyday.

I haven't had a single drink of liquor at all since then but do drink a few beers everyday.

I am going to stop beer soon as well, not so much as I feel I have a problem with it but more as I am bored of it and really do not need the empty calories. (I'm fat)

I need to pick a date soon.

I do read through this thread although I haven't posted much in it.
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Old 12-16-2016, 05:32 AM   #741 (permalink)
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I quit drinking liquor April of this year.

I was pretty bad, one liter of Vodka everyday.

I haven't had a single drink of liquor at all since then but do drink a few beers everyday.

I am going to stop beer soon as well, not so much as I feel I have a problem with it but more as I am bored of it and really do not need the empty calories. (I'm fat)

I need to pick a date soon.

I do read through this thread although I haven't posted much in it.
One liter a day? Holy hell. I drink alot of vodka but I'd be out cold by the half mark.
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Old 12-16-2016, 05:51 AM   #742 (permalink)
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One liter a day? Holy hell. I drink alot of vodka but I'd be out cold by the half mark.
It takes years of dedication to get to that level
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Old 12-16-2016, 06:13 AM   #743 (permalink)
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For probably 10 years I went to bed wasted every night. I got sober for the first time about 2 years ago and made it over 5 months.

The first few days without beer I didn't sleep - I was working 12 hour night shifts and working out and I finally detoxed and exhausted myself enough that I crashed. I remember the quality of sleep and how great it was, it was something that I had been missing for 10+ years. I would wake up every time excited to go to bed again because the sleep was THAT good.

I am not the norm. I am now able to drink when I want to instead of every night. The last 3 weeks I've made a steady effort to only drink on the weekends and even then, I've been too busy to commit the time that I used to for drinking. The quality of sleep is returning and it's THAT good that it out weighs the drinking. This is one thing that helps me make my decision if I want to have a drink or not.

Again, I am the exception. I NEVER thought that I would be able to be a casual drinker and I'm doing OK. However, I still do not have an off switch so if I'm drinking I'll typically drink until I pass out.

I'm pulling for you all.
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Old 12-16-2016, 10:19 AM   #744 (permalink)
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The last 3 weeks I've made a steady effort to only drink on the weekends and even then, I've been too busy to commit the time that I used to for drinking...

...However, I still do not have an off switch so if I'm drinking I'll typically drink until I pass out.
Not judging; just asking: Are you saying that currently when you drink on weekends you do so till you pass out?

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Old 12-16-2016, 03:06 PM   #745 (permalink)
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I quit drinking liquor April of this year.

I was pretty bad, one liter of Vodka everyday.

I haven't had a single drink of liquor at all since then but do drink a few beers everyday.

I am going to stop beer soon as well, not so much as I feel I have a problem with it but more as I am bored of it and really do not need the empty calories. (I'm fat)

I need to pick a date soon.

I do read through this thread although I haven't posted much in it.
You were like me. A liter a day was my thing. After work, cracked it open by 6ish and had it finished by 9 or 10. Went to sleep, woke up no hangover, went to work the next day. Mix and repeat. Did that for the last several years. Wasnt until within the last year it turned into a gallon a day. Being unemployed due to medical reasons I started drinking sun up to sun down. And for the most part, functioned the whole way through it.

Day 8. Been going to AA daily. I love it. It has its pros and cons but like this thread, it is the only place I can go and admit my sins and behavior and find a dozen other people that know EXACTLY what I have been through.

Keep on keeping on friends.
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Old 12-16-2016, 04:45 PM   #746 (permalink)
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Thank you.

Just here to say I made it to day 7. Feeling a whole hell of a lot better.
That's cool. I have faith you can stay quit. I made my milestone Thursday. Just keep on keeping on!
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Old 12-16-2016, 05:01 PM   #747 (permalink)
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That's cool. I have faith you can stay quit. I made my milestone Thursday. Just keep on keeping on!
Congrats.
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Old 12-16-2016, 05:38 PM   #748 (permalink)
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Not drinking, but I have quit my smokeless tobacco habit. Going on 4 weeks without any at all. I chewed for 33 years. Main reason is so I can get pancreas/kidney transplant. Man do I want a dip. I refuse to buy it though, so I shouldnt fall off the wagon
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Old 12-16-2016, 05:56 PM   #749 (permalink)
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Not judging; just asking: Are you saying that currently when you drink on weekends you do so till you pass out?
Not sure but I'm sure telling a bunch of people supporting each other through their battle with alcohol loved hearing how she knows their pain but she cracks open a cold one on the weekends.
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Old 12-17-2016, 12:27 PM   #750 (permalink)
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A friend is 93 yrs old. He celebrates his wedding anniversary, 68 years, in January. The week before that he celebrates 48 years dry, and the week before that he celebrates his sponsoring a fellow 12 stepper for 23 years.

His 89 year old wife drinks wine with dinner when we're out and always cajoles my wife into a glass of port afterwards.

It is tough, but it can be conquered.

ODAT.


"Talk is cheap. Whiskey costs money."
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