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Old 08-07-2018, 10:44 AM   #926 (permalink)
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Part of me is afraid I'll get even MORE into fitness (currently run marathons) and do something stupid like get into 50-100 mile races or triathlons because "at least I'm not spending my time drinking beer or passed out on the couch."
Yeah, that would be really stupid.
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Old 08-07-2018, 10:46 AM   #927 (permalink)
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She just doesn't want our son to see, and I agree, me passed out on the couch with beer cans/bottles everywhere
No one likes a slob. Learn to toss your old can/bottle before you crack another one. Sheesh.
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Old 08-07-2018, 11:35 AM   #928 (permalink)
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Part of me is afraid I'll get even MORE into fitness (currently run marathons) and do something stupid like get into 50-100 mile races or triathlons because "at least I'm not spending my time drinking beer or passed out on the couch."
I had the opposite happen to me back in 2013.

Did triathlons, ran 1/2 marathons, did crossfit... shit like that.
In 2013, I went back to school to do a MBA program. Stopped training/working out due to time constraints. Started drinking because of the stress of school/work/life balance being all out of whack. 5 years, and 30 lbs later, I've quit making excuses and have started training more and drinking much less. I feel better for it. And down 8 lbs since the beginning of June. Got a Duathlon scheduled for Sept and a 1/2 marathon on the books for Oct.
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Old 08-07-2018, 12:14 PM   #929 (permalink)
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Prioritizing getting drunk over your wife's emotional well being is a big red flag. You said she was worried about your son seeing you passed out, has that been an issue? Either way your drinking is affecting people in your life negatively. Have you been able to honestly admit to yourself that you have a problem?

I'm not judging at all, I'm a recovering alky myself. I knew I had a problem a long time before I could admit it to myself and others that I did, and a while longer before I was willing to honestly commit to making a change. I tried 'moderation' a few times. One or two just doesn't get it and by the time I 'got it' I was playing a game that I knew I couldn't win. Over and over. I never wrecked a car, lost a job, or put myself or anybody else in the ER but I put my wife through hell and was significantly 'less than' for the first five years of our sons life. Can't pay a fine or spend a night in jail to make that go away.

I'll say this and then get off my recovery soapbox: not one aspect of my life has suffered due to my decision to quit drinking, and a great many have improved greatly. Not saying it's easy, but it is worthwhile. I don't know you and you don't know me but if you ever want to reach out I'm happy to listen.
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Old 08-07-2018, 12:22 PM   #930 (permalink)
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Prioritizing getting drunk over your wife's emotional well being is a big red flag. You said she was worried about your son seeing you passed out, has that been an issue? Either way your drinking is affecting people in your life negatively. Have you been able to honestly admit to yourself that you have a problem?

I'm not judging at all, I'm a recovering alky myself. I knew I had a problem a long time before I could admit it to myself and others that I did, and a while longer before I was willing to honestly commit to making a change. I tried 'moderation' a few times. One or two just doesn't get it and by the time I 'got it' I was playing a game that I knew I couldn't win. Over and over. I never wrecked a car, lost a job, or put myself or anybody else in the ER but I put my wife through hell and was significantly 'less than' for the first five years of our sons life. Can't pay a fine or spend a night in jail to make that go away.

I'll say this and then get off my recovery soapbox: not one aspect of my life has suffered due to my decision to quit drinking, and a great many have improved greatly. Not saying it's easy, but it is worthwhile. I don't know you and you don't know me but if you ever want to reach out I'm happy to listen.
Well said^^^ Great post.
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Old 08-07-2018, 01:59 PM   #931 (permalink)
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Yeah, that would be really stupid.
I currently run about 8-9 hours a day. Wednesday is a 2 hour run so I see my wife for about an hour that day and Sundays I'm gone at least 2 hours. I also need to train while we're away from home. I'd assume it takes double this amount of training to do a half ironman which is even MORE time away from the family. We already had to talk about me taking time off from doing lots of races so yeah, it could be really stupid to pick a hobby taking me away from my family just as much as drinking did. The difference is I can drink for two hours, not get drunk or inappropriate, and still spend time with the family. I can't do that when I'm running, swimming or riding a bike for an hour plus time to get ready and clean up after. So yes picking a hobby I'd spend time away from my family could be really stupid. Even if it's a healthy activity.


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Prioritizing getting drunk over your wife's emotional well being is a big red flag. You said she was worried about your son seeing you passed out, has that been an issue? Either way your drinking is affecting people in your life negatively. Have you been able to honestly admit to yourself that you have a problem?

I'm not judging at all, I'm a recovering alky myself. I knew I had a problem a long time before I could admit it to myself and others that I did, and a while longer before I was willing to honestly commit to making a change. I tried 'moderation' a few times. One or two just doesn't get it and by the time I 'got it' I was playing a game that I knew I couldn't win. Over and over. I never wrecked a car, lost a job, or put myself or anybody else in the ER but I put my wife through hell and was significantly 'less than' for the first five years of our sons life. Can't pay a fine or spend a night in jail to make that go away.

I'll say this and then get off my recovery soapbox: not one aspect of my life has suffered due to my decision to quit drinking, and a great many have improved greatly. Not saying it's easy, but it is worthwhile. I don't know you and you don't know me but if you ever want to reach out I'm happy to listen.
I wasn't prioritizing it over my wife's well being. I've passed out on the couch maybe once a month. Possibly twice. It's been infrequent, in my opinion, because I'm in training mode. My son is 8 months old as a point of reference so it's a while away before he starts seeing me passed out and possibly longer until he starts remembering it. I don't think I had a problem because I could wake up and go to work the next day. I have shown up pretty sore from the day before and let that be a lesson a few times but it's never been an issue at work. Similar to what you're saying you did. I know she's told me she can't talk to me when I'm drinking and I've forgotten conversations we have had that I was coherent for. Just chalked it up to "wasn't important enough" the next morning.

I know there is nothing in my life that will suffer from quitting. I might miss drinking a beer or two because I liked having a variety of beers. I enjoyed doing well after a marathon and getting a beer. I even enjoyed being buzzed or drunk. Yeah I noticed this morning it was a little easier to wake up and run. I've always noticed that. My wife has always said I can quit for as long as I want. 30 days. 90 days. No question about me sticking with the plan of "no drinking for ---- days." It's when I start back up and go straight to a 6 pack of 7% beer. I don't think "well then think of it as "10 days" or "1,000 days" would really work as a goal. I know its a life change. I know it's easy to say no to a beer and I don't get pressured.

I guess one thing I'm a little "afraid" of is answering the "why don't you drink anymore? You use to love beer." because "I'm training/we're dieting" only last so long. I've also asked many people why they don't drink. I guess "I just stopped enjoying it" works. Yeah I know it's none of their business why I don't drink. My brother in law quit drinking because it was also ruining his marriage (from what I'm told) and I know part of me needing to quit is my wife being sober for 18+ months and not enjoying being around people drinking. I trust myself to be able to go to a bar and not drink. I trust myself to set a personal record I can tell people. I just feel like people always think negative thoughts about people who previously drank and now don't.

Oh and I had "recovering alcoholic" for some reason. How long do you have to recover until you're not? Are you allowed to have A beer/shot/glass of wine and not be an alcoholic? Is there some other title/label you can put on it such as "previous drinker" or "alcohol free" or something?
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Old 08-07-2018, 02:40 PM   #932 (permalink)
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When people ask me why I don’t drink anymore I simply tell them that I don’t care for a drink right now. I dont make excuses or try to steer the conversation away from it. Most people seem to understand it. The people who constantly ask are usually drunks who can’t fathom that I can sit down in a bar and eat a meal without drinking to excess.
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Old 08-07-2018, 03:15 PM   #933 (permalink)
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I currently run about 8-9 hours a day.
What?
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Old 08-07-2018, 06:22 PM   #934 (permalink)
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I wasn't prioritizing it over my wife's well being. I've passed out on the couch maybe once a month. Possibly twice. It's been infrequent, in my opinion, because I'm in training mode. My son is 8 months old as a point of reference so it's a while away before he starts seeing me passed out and possibly longer until he starts remembering it. I don't think I had a problem because I could wake up and go to work the next day. I have shown up pretty sore from the day before and let that be a lesson a few times but it's never been an issue at work. Similar to what you're saying you did. I know she's told me she can't talk to me when I'm drinking and I've forgotten conversations we have had that I was coherent for. Just chalked it up to "wasn't important enough" the next morning.

I know there is nothing in my life that will suffer from quitting. I might miss drinking a beer or two because I liked having a variety of beers. I enjoyed doing well after a marathon and getting a beer. I even enjoyed being buzzed or drunk. Yeah I noticed this morning it was a little easier to wake up and run. I've always noticed that. My wife has always said I can quit for as long as I want. 30 days. 90 days. No question about me sticking with the plan of "no drinking for ---- days." It's when I start back up and go straight to a 6 pack of 7% beer. I don't think "well then think of it as "10 days" or "1,000 days" would really work as a goal. I know its a life change. I know it's easy to say no to a beer and I don't get pressured.

I guess one thing I'm a little "afraid" of is answering the "why don't you drink anymore? You use to love beer." because "I'm training/we're dieting" only last so long. I've also asked many people why they don't drink. I guess "I just stopped enjoying it" works. Yeah I know it's none of their business why I don't drink. My brother in law quit drinking because it was also ruining his marriage (from what I'm told) and I know part of me needing to quit is my wife being sober for 18+ months and not enjoying being around people drinking. I trust myself to be able to go to a bar and not drink. I trust myself to set a personal record I can tell people. I just feel like people always think negative thoughts about people who previously drank and now don't.

Oh and I had "recovering alcoholic" for some reason. How long do you have to recover until you're not? Are you allowed to have A beer/shot/glass of wine and not be an alcoholic? Is there some other title/label you can put on it such as "previous drinker" or "alcohol free" or something?
You've put a lot out there in your last post, that's commendable. I'm not sure exactly how to respond, but if a friend or family member expressed to me the same sentiments that you have I would strongly encourage them to get sober and stay that way. You are fortunate to be grappling with this -before- you really fuck something up. You are a long way away from rock-bottom, my advice would be to quit while you're ahead.

I label myself a recovering alchoholic bc it is what it is. Alchoholism is a chronic condition with no cure but it can certainly be mitigated and managed through abstinence. I will never not be an alchoholic, but sobriety allows me to live my life free from it's shackles. Mind you, bad shit still happens but I'm able to deal with it much more proactively when I'm not drunk all the damn time, or passed out, or hung over.

I had candid conversations with my close family and friends, admitted that I was struggling and needed to make some changes. I have yet to encounter anybody that can't respect my desire to make a positive change in my life, and if/when I do they can fuck right off. "I don't drink" or "I'm not drinking today" are how I respond when offered, no judgment or superiority on my end just the truth.
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Old 08-07-2018, 10:33 PM   #935 (permalink)
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What?
He currently runs 8-9 hours a day.
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Old 08-07-2018, 11:23 PM   #936 (permalink)
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Old 08-08-2018, 07:31 AM   #937 (permalink)
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What?
typo. I thought I went back and changed that. 8-9 hours a week. Add in cycling and swimming and it's probably close to 20 hours a week for training for a triathlon. It's a lot of time away from family.
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Old 08-08-2018, 07:35 AM   #938 (permalink)
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Never trust a man that runs 8-9 hours a day.
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Old 08-08-2018, 07:40 AM   #939 (permalink)
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He currently runs 8-9 hours a day.
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What?
Typo. I thought I corrected it. up to 2 hours a day. 8-9 or even 10 hours a week. Add in swimming and cycling and I'd probably bring that to 20 hours a day. I wouldn't say spending 20 hours away from my family exercising would be any better than drinking beer while everyone is in bed.

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You've put a lot out there in your last post, that's commendable. I'm not sure exactly how to respond, but if a friend or family member expressed to me the same sentiments that you have I would strongly encourage them to get sober and stay that way. You are fortunate to be grappling with this -before- you really fuck something up. You are a long way away from rock-bottom, my advice would be to quit while you're ahead.

I label myself a recovering alchoholic bc it is what it is. Alchoholism is a chronic condition with no cure but it can certainly be mitigated and managed through abstinence. I will never not be an alchoholic, but sobriety allows me to live my life free from it's shackles. Mind you, bad shit still happens but I'm able to deal with it much more proactively when I'm not drunk all the damn time, or passed out, or hung over.

I had candid conversations with my close family and friends, admitted that I was struggling and needed to make some changes. I have yet to encounter anybody that can't respect my desire to make a positive change in my life, and if/when I do they can fuck right off. "I don't drink" or "I'm not drinking today" are how I respond when offered, no judgment or superiority on my end just the truth.
I figured the best way to get whatever it is I need is to tell a bunch of strangers on the internet my story. I never fucked anything up in life due to alcohol thankfully. I would say I never put anything behind alcohol but I know I've missed training runs due to the night before. I half jokingly told my wife I should try CBD/THC as an alternative.
She asked what I'm doing with the beer in the garage. I told her I haven't decided. I could probably talk to some friends to figure out where I can sell it. Some of them are $30-40 each. I was keeping them for a big Christmas party or a bottle share that now won't happen. I'm sad but it's beer...that cost a fair amount and it's a collection.
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Old 08-08-2018, 07:48 AM   #940 (permalink)
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. Some of them are $30-40 each. I was keeping them for a big Christmas party or a bottle share that now won't happen. I'm sad but it's beer...that cost a fair amount and it's a collection.
Craft beer type stuff? Let me know what you got
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Old 08-08-2018, 07:54 AM   #941 (permalink)
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Craft beer type stuff? Let me know what you got
BCBS 2014-2017 (I think 2 bottles each)
Sucaba 2016
White Mocha
The Bruery christmas series days 3-9 (2 each, days 3 and 4 are barrel aged)
Heldorado 2016
Velvet Merkin 2016
Dark star 2016
two variants of Eclipse from 2015
Medusa from before Budweiser owned Wicked Weed
Preservation 30th anniversary from Alaska brewing company
A Deal with the Devil double oak 2018
Rumpkin 2017 (2 bottles)
Darkest Hour 2017


This probably covers most of it and it's of the top of my head. I also have homebrewing gear but that ends up not being worth it to ship.
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Old 08-08-2018, 08:01 AM   #942 (permalink)
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BCBS 2014-2017 (I think 2 bottles each)
Sucaba 2016
White Mocha
The Bruery christmas series days 3-9 (2 each, days 3 and 4 are barrel aged)
Heldorado 2016
Velvet Merkin 2016
Dark star 2016
two variants of Eclipse from 2015
Medusa from before Budweiser owned Wicked Weed
Preservation 30th anniversary from Alaska brewing company
A Deal with the Devil double oak 2018
Rumpkin 2017 (2 bottles)
Darkest Hour 2017


This probably covers most of it and it's of the top of my head. I also have homebrewing gear but that ends up not being worth it to ship.
Nice, I could probably help you get rid of most of that if you ever feel like shipping
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Old 08-08-2018, 08:02 AM   #943 (permalink)
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blackdog220- great posts, thanks for sharing.

H8DWINGS- I've posted a few times in here, as I'm also a recovering alcoholic, and will be for the rest of my life. I accept that, I actually EMBRACE that. It is who I am and I can't change that. I, like many others, can make as many excuses as I want, but the facts are what they are. Will I ever be able to have a single drink, or be that "casual" drinker, I honestly don't know, but I do know that I won't ever find out.

I've been down this road before, as I quit drinking for 3.5 years, picked it back up, convinced I was a changed man. I won't bore anyone with the details as it's the same broken record many have heard/lived... What I can say, and say it from experience, is only YOU can make the decision to stop drinking and YOU have to do it for YOURSELF. If you are making the decision to stop drinking for someone else, I'm sorry to say, you will drink again...

As was stated earlier in this thread, I also use the "I don't drink" response. I have yet to find anyone that questions that, even those that have known me for a long time. I've actually found that most, if not all, are very supportive of MY decision, and if they aren't, well, I don't need to spend much time with them.
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Old 08-08-2018, 08:04 AM   #944 (permalink)
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Nice, I could probably help you get rid of most of that if you ever feel like shipping
I'll look into what a fair price would be. Some still have the stickers and I am pretty sure I still have at least one 12 bottle shipper. I might give a few to a friend as gifts because he likes this stuff too and would be excited to get a 2016 Sucaba or a 2014 BCBS as a birthday gift.

Oh yeah, I forgot to add a bottle of Special Noir and something else from de Garde and a Penultimate Push from Cigar City.

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Old 08-08-2018, 09:40 AM   #945 (permalink)
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I figured the best way to get whatever it is I need is to tell a bunch of strangers on the internet my story.
Thats a good impulse, I really hamstrung my own sobriety by not talking about it. I tried AA and while I did learn a lot and gain perspective from it, it was not for me. I won't knock it because it has and does help people to change their lives, but it was not for me. I've found the subreddit r/stopdrinking to be immensely helpful. It serves, for me, the same function as attending meetings does for AA members; an opportunity to share and discuss and get support from people that understand what you are going through, or to just listen to the experiences of others and to learn from that. I encourage you to check that out, post if you feel comfortable doing so, but even if you just want to lurk and read I guarantee you will find something there you can relate to and hopefully gain something positive from. Good luck, I hope you're able to find something that works for you!
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Old 08-08-2018, 12:21 PM   #946 (permalink)
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Old 08-08-2018, 08:01 PM   #947 (permalink)
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I had been a heavy drinker since like 18-19. It got way worse when my little brother committed suicide four years ago next month. I would easily burn through 3-4 30 packs and a fifth or two of whiskey in a weekend. There’s about 18 months after his death that I only have hazy memories at best of. My wife didn’t trust me to take my kids camping, because romping around the desert with way too many beers and breaking shit on my truck was therapeutic, I thought.

Then last summer one of my good friends got hit with a dui on his way home from a wheeling trip. First offense in AZ is mandatory jail time, massive fines, a year of ignition interlock, etc etc. We had all been drinking and any of us could have been the one to get pulled over. Between seeing what that put him and his family thru, and deciding I didn’t want to lose more of my life and time with my kids in a blur, I quit cold turkey last September. I was able to stay dry for about 4 months, til the next camping trip. I took one 6 pack for a three day trip, didn’t break anything, and can actually remember the trip. Since then I’ve limited myself to one or two beers at a time, usually when I go play gigs with my band, and no liquor at all. I definitely get the urge to drink more but so far I’ve been sticking to that.

I’m probly playing with fire not to just stick to the cold turkey thing but it’s not easy. Lots of good advice and experiences in this thread!
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Old 08-09-2018, 07:31 AM   #948 (permalink)
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^^^^ If you can maintain and have the discipline to drink responsibly then more power to you! Trial and a great deal of error has to proven to me that that is not an option, personally, but everybody is different. Sucks for your friend but at least your wakeup call came from observation and not lived experience.

For me the biggest obstacle to sobriety is complacency. I've relapsed (hate that term, but it is what it is) four times, and each time was bc I allowed myself to believe that since I had maintained for X amount of time that things were okay and what the hell, a couple beers won't hurt. It's amazing how quickly those couple beers turn into a four day bender and there I am right back where I started, hating life and hating myself and spiraling down the drain, again.

Support is a big part of fighting that complacency. Having people to pick you up when you're down, stand with you when you're up, and call you on your shit when necessary is a powerful tool. And yes, posting online counts, it doesn't have to come in the form of baring your soul to a bunch of addicts in a church basement (unless that's what works for you, YMMV).

I would also caution against relying on your spouse or SO for that. IMO that's too much to ask. All I ask of my wife (in terms of sobriety) is to support my decision to not drink, THAT'S IT. I've put her through enough to then ask her to do that kind of emotional heavy-lifting. If -she- wants to talk about it, great, I'm happy to do it but my sobriety is not her reaponsibility.

I'll wrap this screed up by saying if you are struggling, "One day at a time" is more than than just a catchphrase. 'Im never going to drink again' is a daunting proposition, 'Im not going to drink today' is much more manageable. Rinse and repeat as often as necessary. If I can commit to brushing my teeth every day I can sure as shit commit to not cracking a beer on a daily basis.


ETA: @H8DWINGS you mentioned CBD/THC as a possible alternative. Now I can't recommend using ILLEGAL DRUGS as a cessation method but I could imagine if I were to hypothetically smoke a bowl from time to time it could certainly, hypothetically, calm that 'gotta catch a buzz' itch. You also mentioned that your wife was sober, so certainly don't put her sobriety in jeopardy and if she's not cool with it then you should respect that. If that's the case, CBD is totally non-psychoactive so maybe she would feel better about that and I did find in the early stages when I was having regular cravings that CBD helped to calm that and I still take it as I've found it does help even me out. Now whether or not it's snake oil and it's all in my head I can't say for sure, but I spend as much for a months-worth of CBD what I would spend in a few days on booze so even if it is just a jedi mind trick, fuck it, that's good enough for me. And again that's just my experience, YMMV.

Last edited by blackdog220; 08-09-2018 at 08:16 AM. Reason: ETA
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Old 08-09-2018, 09:42 AM   #949 (permalink)
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@quikdrummer I've made it 3 days cold turkey. I've quit/abstained previously for diets previously and this isn't much different. I think I'd be in your same shoes (playing with fire) doing the "2 drinks per day" thing unless it was ZERO tolerance and my friends/family/buddies knew it MUST be enforced. ZERO TOLERANCE. ZERO EXCUSES. I would slip once, drink a 6 pack and think "man that hurt I'm not doing that again" and do it again...because I have.
@blackdog220 THC/CBD is legal recreationally in Nevada and California. It's the "catch a buzz" thing and while I smoked occasionally like 15 years ago I'd just wonder if I'd substitute one for the other. Wife isn't sober, she offered to make the whole house sober if it would help, she just doesn't have more than a glass of wine these days. I think 2 is the most she's touched and that was probably dinner with girlfriends. I may attempt some CBD if I could find something locally that wasn't 5% THC. I think it was that SUPER relaxed (stumbling?) feeling I liked, and the taste of beer.
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Old 08-09-2018, 09:42 AM   #950 (permalink)
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@quikdrummer I've made it 3 days cold turkey. I've quit/abstained previously for diets previously and this isn't much different. I think I'd be in your same shoes (playing with fire) doing the "2 drinks per day" thing unless it was ZERO tolerance and my friends/family/buddies knew it MUST be enforced. ZERO TOLERANCE. ZERO EXCUSES. I would slip once, drink a 6 pack and think "man that hurt I'm not doing that again" and do it again...because I have.

@blackdog220 THC/CBD is legal recreationally in Nevada and California. It's the "catch a buzz" thing and while I smoked occasionally like 15 years ago I'd just wonder if I'd substitute one for the other. Wife isn't sober, she offered to make the whole house sober if it would help, she just doesn't have more than a glass of wine these days. I think 2 is the most she's touched and that was probably dinner with girlfriends. I may attempt some CBD if I could find something locally that wasn't 5% THC. I think it was that SUPER relaxed (stumbling?) feeling I liked, and the taste of beer.
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