Originally Posted by RaginCaucasian
This will be my 3rd time checking into this thread. I have failed miserably in the past. Maybe made it a week at most every time I tried to quit. However, I'm in desperate need to quit this time. I've let the drinking get out of control and seeing how much it is screwing up my life. I've been easily drinking 8-15 beers a day/night. Very rarely touch hard stuff. I used to be able to remember stuff throughout the day and stay functional, but I am starting to forget conversations I've had, and have had a few other mishaps that I am not proud of. I also used to be a pleasant person to be around while drinking, but have turned into an angry confrontational sloppy drunk.
Anyway, I have no idea how to gain the self control back or how to occupy my time without having alcohol present. I have had it rule my life since I was 18, and am now 33. I wake up everyday saying that I will not drink, but as soon as I am a few hours into the day, I am thinking about that first drink and my where I'm going to get it. My wife and I have been seeing counseling and my drinking has been a main focus, but I don't make any progress. I don't believe counseling or AA is going to work for me. I guess I don't have respect for myself, the counselor or strangers in AA, so I will most likely get through the session and revert back to my ways as soon as I leave.
But, before I go off on a sob story, I guess I am checking in again and hope this can be the day I actually start being sober and stay sober. I will try to read back on others tips of options other than counseling or AA.
I'm hesitant to post, but will anyway... There has been some really good posts/advice in this thread by others that have a lot more to offer than I do, but I'm not all that far from where you are right now. I'm 318 days sober, but I couldn't start counting those days until I got the first one behind me. That is my advice to you, focus on today. I won't lie, it's going to be a tough few days, but each day gets a little easier and for me, getting to put that "check mark" on the calendar the next morning, damn that feels good!
I can not tell you how many days I woke up saying I wouldn't drink, far too many to count, yet I too would find myself thinking about when and where I was going to have that first drink. Those thoughts do not cross my mind any longer, and to say that is a burden lifted off my shoulders would be a huge understatement.
I had said "I'm sorry" for something related to my drinking so many times, that it had no meaning. I finally realized the following:
"The best apology is changed behavior"
Everyone is different but I didn't tell anyone, including my wife, that I was quitting drinking. I put it all on myself to do what I needed to do, which was to not pick up a drink that first day. Dammit, if I can get myself into this, I can get myself out! That won't work for everyone, but it does give me some gratification that I can do this and that I don't need to do this for anyone other than myself.
Like I said at the beginning of this post, others in here have a lot more experience and better advice than I do, but I bet we can all relate to what you are experiencing. In other words, you are not alone in this fight, even if it's just a bunch of assholes on a website!
Be ready though, you will find yourself with more free, productive time than you ever knew you had! For me, especially during those first few weeks, I had to have something to do to keep my mind off of drinking. I've gotten more projects done in the last ~300 days than I have in the last 300 weeks!
No clue what part of CO you are in, but feel free to reach out if you want/need anything.