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Old 12-29-2018, 09:33 PM   #1126 (permalink)
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Killed 25 days today. Thought I could have a controlled amount but it has become ‘tomorrow is for recovery’ and I will still go out and get a long run in. I actually thought this time I could control it but it quickly became about the buzz. It’s sad honestly. Wife would rather do anything than hang out with me. I fawked up and though a ‘non-significant day’ (not new years) day would be okay if I kept the focus on tomorrow but tomorrow quickly became the ‘i Can deal with it’ tomorrow which sucks.
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Old 12-30-2018, 02:30 AM   #1127 (permalink)
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Killed 25 days today. Thought I could have a controlled amount but it has become ‘tomorrow is for recovery’ and I will still go out and get a long run in. I actually thought this time I could control it but it quickly became about the buzz. It’s sad honestly. Wife would rather do anything than hang out with me. I fawked up and though a ‘non-significant day’ (not new years) day would be okay if I kept the focus on tomorrow but tomorrow quickly became the ‘i Can deal with it’ tomorrow which sucks.
Your thinker isn't working right. If it helps, I and many others I know have done what you are doing. For me, this was only the beginning of a shit show I had chosen over admitting I had a problem and doing something about it. I thought my way into some pretty bad places for a long time. Years of fights, nights in jail, upset wife and kids, pissed off bosses, money problems, lies, arrogance, crashed cars, losing friends, on and on. All to avoid one simple truth: I was a fucking drunk.

In the final stages of life implosion, a little 3 watt light bulb in my head flickered and I got the "moment of clarity" that was actually desperate navel gazing and got my ass into an AA meeting. That's where I began unfucking myself. Choose your path, but be aware that once you know you're fucked, drinking will not be fun anymore it will just be what you do. Even when you quit, it will still be trying to find a way back into your life. You're seeing that now I expect. For me, it's all still there, any time I want it back I can have it all and more. Today I choose not to have it back. That is what I mean when I say that I am grateful for what I have and what I don't have. You're in my prayers.
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Old 12-30-2018, 02:36 AM   #1128 (permalink)
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never opened this thread before.... well not that I can remember

my liver went south and they told me I would die if I didnt quit.. Im not even sure how long ago it was.. last time I cheated, I had a couple shots at the family ranch on easter weekend.. I dont know.. maybe 4 or 5 years ago?
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Old 12-30-2018, 11:45 AM   #1129 (permalink)
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Mostly I’m pissed I can’t sleep.
Don't recall whether you're open to trying THC related stuff, but these little fuckers work:

https://wanabrands.com/product/or-st...-lemonade-cbd/
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Old 12-31-2018, 06:20 AM   #1130 (permalink)
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from alcoholics to bunch of potheads
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Old 12-31-2018, 08:54 AM   #1131 (permalink)
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Still drinking a little here and there, but have cut way back. Still can't sleep worth a shit. I'm now not drinking Monday through Weds and really watching what I drink rest of the week.

Doing better at getting to the gym a couple times a week. Had a stressful day Friday and really wanted to pour a strong one after work. Went to gym instead and did a pretty hard workout for hour and a half. Felt good leaving the gym instead of being 2 or 3 drinks in at that point.

Will be hanging out with friends later and plan to have a good time, not get bombed like used to.

HNY fawkers
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Old 12-31-2018, 09:02 AM   #1132 (permalink)
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Killed 25 days today. Thought I could have a controlled amount but it has become ‘tomorrow is for recovery’ and I will still go out and get a long run in. I actually thought this time I could control it but it quickly became about the buzz. It’s sad honestly. Wife would rather do anything than hang out with me. I fawked up and though a ‘non-significant day’ (not new years) day would be okay if I kept the focus on tomorrow but tomorrow quickly became the ‘i Can deal with it’ tomorrow which sucks.
hey, you had 25 days.
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Old 01-02-2019, 09:16 AM   #1133 (permalink)
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Happy 2019 to all my fellow quitters and those that have made some changes.

New Year's Eve was surprisingly easy for me to refrain from drinking, it never even crossed my mind until I was pouring champagne 5 minutes before midnight for everyone. I poured myself a flute of ginger ale and toasted the New Year with everyone else. It helped that 12/31 was day 350 for me, and I wasn't going to throw away 350 days for champagne, or for that matter, any type of booze. I guess I'm at that point that my days of sobriety are more important to me than a taste of alcohol.

It is really hard for me to grasp that my 1 year mark is approaching. I know many in this thread have a lot more years than that under their belt, and my hat is off to you. Thank you to everyone that has posted in here, it really does help to hear other perspectives as well as have another place to hold myself accountable to.
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Old 01-02-2019, 09:23 AM   #1134 (permalink)
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I poured myself a flute of ginger ale and toasted the New Year with everyone else. It helped that 12/31 was day 350 for me, and I wasn't going to throw away 350 days for champagne, or for that matter, any type of booze. I guess I'm at that point that my days of sobriety are more important to me than a taste of alcohol.
Well done sir.
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Old 01-02-2019, 09:31 AM   #1135 (permalink)
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I guess I'm at that point that my days of sobriety are more important to me than a taste of alcohol.
I need to get here.
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Old 01-02-2019, 09:40 AM   #1136 (permalink)
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^^^
How ya been?
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Old 01-02-2019, 10:43 AM   #1137 (permalink)
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eh, I've been better.
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Old 01-02-2019, 11:04 AM   #1138 (permalink)
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I guess I'm at that point that my days of sobriety are more important to me than a taste of alcohol.
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I need to get here.
It's up to you to actually do something about it.
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Old 01-02-2019, 11:06 AM   #1139 (permalink)
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I've been struggling with this my whole adult life, have a little over a year sober now. If AA isn't for you explore other options. There is a program called smart recovery that I get a lot out of. I never realized how many people are out there to help you until I was forced to go look.

Doing it alone never worked for me.
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Old 01-02-2019, 11:23 AM   #1140 (permalink)
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Happy 2019 to all my fellow quitters and those that have made some changes.

New Year's Eve was surprisingly easy for me to refrain from drinking, it never even crossed my mind until I was pouring champagne 5 minutes before midnight for everyone. I poured myself a flute of ginger ale and toasted the New Year with everyone else. It helped that 12/31 was day 350 for me, and I wasn't going to throw away 350 days for champagne, or for that matter, any type of booze. I guess I'm at that point that my days of sobriety are more important to me than a taste of alcohol.

It is really hard for me to grasp that my 1 year mark is approaching. I know many in this thread have a lot more years than that under their belt, and my hat is off to you. Thank you to everyone that has posted in here, it really does help to hear other perspectives as well as have another place to hold myself accountable to.
Congratulations....
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Old 01-03-2019, 06:34 AM   #1141 (permalink)
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I got a DUI back in June and continued to drink, doctor told me i`m prediabetic and i`d never drop the weight without giving up drinking, my PO told me i`m the most extreme social drinker she`s ever worked with, I lost my license for a year, my cdl for 5, worked for a really good guy in North Dakota making 100k a year and now i`m renting a room off a buddy and scraping by while I do weekends in jail till June 2nd, hopefully I can get my shit together then.

My sister told me the only thing she wanted from me was to get sober and she never asks me for shit so here I am 8 days sober.

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Old 01-03-2019, 07:02 AM   #1142 (permalink)
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I got a DUI back in June and continued to drink, doctor told me i`m prediabetic and i`d never drop the weight without giving up drinking, my PO told me i`m the most extreme social drinker she`s ever worked with, I lost my license for a year, my cdl for 5, worked for a really good guy in North Dakota making 100k a year and now i`m renting a room off a buddy and scraping by while I do weekends in jail till June 2nd, hopefully I can get my shit together then.

My sister told me the only thing she wanted from me was to get sober and she never asks me for shit so here I am 8 days sober.
Congrats on 8 days, and I mean that seriously. I know how difficult that is, and you even "survived" bringing in the New Year, so again, congrats! Everything in that first paragraph you typed is in the past, you can't change any of it, so don't dwell on it. Remember yesterday, dream of tomorrow, but never forget to appreciate today.
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Old 01-03-2019, 07:55 AM   #1143 (permalink)
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I got a DUI back in June and continued to drink, doctor told me i`m prediabetic and i`d never drop the weight without giving up drinking, my PO told me i`m the most extreme social drinker she`s ever worked with, I lost my license for a year, my cdl for 5, worked for a really good guy in North Dakota making 100k a year and now i`m renting a room off a buddy and scraping by while I do weekends in jail till June 2nd, hopefully I can get my shit together then.

My sister told me the only thing she wanted from me was to get sober and she never asks me for shit so here I am 8 days sober.
Theres a reason the windshield is large and the review mirror is small. What's in front of you is a lot more important. Continue to look forward...
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Old 01-03-2019, 08:41 AM   #1144 (permalink)
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2 years yesterday.

I haven’t drove in 2 years either, last DUI was my 5th lifetime (I turn 30 in February) that last one was what it finally took to see how bad I was fucking up the last 10 years. I’m a pretty good functioning alcoholic. Got lucky, should have been a felony DUI and minimum year state time.

Used the last two years to get my shit together, you never really notice how bad things are, I had conditioned myself into thinking the way I was living was normal.
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Old 01-03-2019, 08:46 AM   #1145 (permalink)
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I got a DUI back in June and continued to drink, doctor told me i`m prediabetic and i`d never drop the weight without giving up drinking, my PO told me i`m the most extreme social drinker she`s ever worked with, I lost my license for a year, my cdl for 5, worked for a really good guy in North Dakota making 100k a year and now i`m renting a room off a buddy and scraping by while I do weekends in jail till June 2nd, I will have my shit together then.

My sister told me the only thing she wanted from me was to get sober and she never asks me for shit so here I am 8 days sober.
Fixed it for you.

Best of luck with your sobriety.
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Old 01-07-2019, 10:25 AM   #1146 (permalink)
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I can't get to day 2 if I don't start at day 1. 4 months from today will be my 35th birthday. Let's set the goal there because at the end of April I'm supposed to make another attempt at a BQ. I'm considering gifting some alcohol to a friend, but I don't know what I'd do with the kegerator that's been unplugged for probably 6 months. I honestly don't care about the money spent on alcohol I'd be giving away or the money I spent buying homebrewing stuff. As my wife says "they print more money every day." Waking up this morning with a sore back and knowing it's from sleeping like crap from drinking just makes me want to be where I was about 3 weeks ago so as an early birthday gift I'm giving myself some sobriety.

I do appreciate the offers to talk real time to the person(s) who reached out.
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Old 01-07-2019, 10:54 AM   #1147 (permalink)
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I don't know what I'd do with the kegerator that's been unplugged for probably 6 months.
I do appreciate the offers to talk real time to the person(s) who reached out.
I built a kegerator in my garage out of an old fridge. It is funny looking back on it, I convinced myself that a kegerator would be better since I wouldn't have so much trash to recycle. I should have taken it as a sign that I was a functioning drunk. When I stopped drinking I put some shelves back in it and used it to keep water and other beverages in. I put the hardware in a box and stuck it somewhere and the CO2 tank is sitting beside the door. I have used the CO2 tank a couple times to purge tanks to look for leaks after welding, so at least it isn't going to waste.
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Old 01-07-2019, 11:07 AM   #1148 (permalink)
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I built a kegerator in my garage out of an old fridge. It is funny looking back on it, I convinced myself that a kegerator would be better since I wouldn't have so much trash to recycle. I should have taken it as a sign that I was a functioning drunk. When I stopped drinking I put some shelves back in it and used it to keep water and other beverages in. I put the hardware in a box and stuck it somewhere and the CO2 tank is sitting beside the door. I have used the CO2 tank a couple times to purge tanks to look for leaks after welding, so at least it isn't going to waste.
Mine was a gift. I converted it to use for my homebrew. I convinced myself making my own beer was cheaper (it was until I spent money on the hobby) than buying it. It came with shelves and a plug for the tower. I have them. I also have a 17 cu ft freezer I use as a beer fridge with temperature control, and a freezer for food. The beer fridge is getting filled with food/soda slowly.

Oh and I have 2 20 lb CO2 tanks, plus the 5lb one that came with the kegerator. I need a use for CO2 other than inflating bike/stroller tires and I don't own a welder. Those are expensive. Actually I could afford one with savings but I am supposed to be running too often.

EDIT: I appreciate the ideas. I did consider wood working last night when I was building a shelf but I don't have room for a full blown wood shop (yet) like I'd probably want.

Last edited by H8DWINGS; 01-07-2019 at 11:08 AM.
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Old 01-07-2019, 07:16 PM   #1149 (permalink)
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11 days, today was rough, one of my supposed best friends pushed me to the point we started brawling trying to get a beer in me, maybe he just misses me paying his bar tabs...
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Old 01-07-2019, 07:58 PM   #1150 (permalink)
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Sounds like the kind of asshole you don’t need around. Same type of person can’t imagine why you’d ever quit drinking and when he tries to kick your ass and force you to drink just to say ‘don’t believe him I saw him drink beer last night.’ I’m glad I don’t have assholes like that in my life. Same type would fix you an alcoholic mixed drink intentionally when you tell him how long you e been sober, let you drink it then laugh at your misfortune.
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