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Old 04-11-2019, 03:42 PM   #1201 (permalink)
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I passed the book suggestions to a friend who knows a guy struggling with sobriety recently. Apparently he was a few years sober then tripped, stumbled and fell hard from what I gathered from a short conversation. Told him about the advice and stuff I got from this thread and how I haven't drank since 1/7.

Now I'm wondering IF I get in to Boston 2020 if I'd give up sobriety to "celebrate" the marathon and sobriety, etc. with a beer. I'd probably order a Coors light just to go back to my roots.
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Old 04-19-2019, 01:08 PM   #1202 (permalink)
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102 days. Marathon next Saturday. EASILY under 165 these days, I actually have a stronger core from working out (I HAVE ABS!) and a lot of shit that bothered me so much before hasn't mattered. It sounds stupid but it's as if this fog of shit I thought mattered just became irrelevant now.

I'm still as negative as I was before though. It hasn't changed my attitude at all.
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Old 05-07-2019, 10:02 PM   #1203 (permalink)
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My first and last post in this thread:

Quote:
Originally Posted by yotasmob View Post
One week today (Xmas). Sober date: 12-18-14. Don't need it in my life any more. Drank more in my 20s than most people could drink in two lifetimes.

Frankly amazed I'm still alive. I could drink a fifth of whiskey in one night and still go out to the bars and have more no problem. Wicked high tolerance even since I was just a teenager. Never got so much as a buzz off of anything less than a 6 pack or a pint.

AA isn't for everyone but if you find a group you like its worth going to for meeting new, non-drinking friends, to hear people's stories and keep yourself motivated to stay dry. Most people I know that drink are alcoholics and either don't know it yet, or are in denial. I know I was for years. Cheers to those who made the choice to cut the sauce and happy holidays.
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It took me two years of really trying.

But I hit 5 months without a drink a few days ago. Longest I've gone since I was a teenager.
Between that first post, and that last post, a lot happened to me. I tried multiple times to quit - as is evident from many attempts to start over that I posted about here. There were many, many more I didn't post about. What is certain, is my life went to absolute shit in those 3 years. My ex gf, also an alcoholic but with a serious anger problem, ran me over at 45 mph in a drunken rage. I attempted suicide, twice. All three times it was a miracle I survived. Anyone in this thread that has slipped down an alcohol fueled self destructive rampage knows, there is no end to the destruction we can cause ourselves when we just stop giving a fuck. That stuff is just the tip of the iceberg.

The good news is: today marks two years without a drink. In those two years, I have experienced and overcome every single challenge I thought I could never overcome without drinking.

Without drinking.

What I came to find is that I didn't so much have a drinking problem, as I did a thinking problem. I just wasn't able to grasp, understand, and really begin to break down how fucked up my perspective was until I got some serious time without drinking. The further I got away from my last drink, the more I began to see improvements in many different areas of my life.

Since I have quit alcohol 2 years ago, I have had the following benefits:

Lost overall 80 lbs
Depression has virtually gone away after lifelong battle with it (alcohol is a depressant after all lol. hm)
Anxiety is much more manageable.
Regained self confidence and then some
Stronger, and in better shape than I ever have been
Been able to maintain healthy diet and lifestyle for 2 year
Gotten laid more in the last two years than my entire adult life combined (by classy chicks, not bottom barrel bar whores )
Get good sleep all the time, get tired at normal times, good energy all day
I'm fucking happy. And can find joy in life. And when shit goes to all fuck, I keep my shit together, and get through it, no matter what. And I don't drink.
Save a fuckload of money, all the time
Suicide isn't even on the table. period.

I'm not about to sit here and say this was easy. Or that if I decided to start drinking tomorrow that it wouldn't all go away. Because it would. I can't drink. It has a toxic effect on my mind, my spirit and my soul. It might have taken two decades to slowly drag me to the point of suicide. But I know for a fact it would suck be down a black hole I would likely never get out of should I pick it up again. Today I am totally cool without drinking. It simply isn't important, and I rarely even think about it.

So for me, not drinking is easy. The life I have today is most certainly a life I could never have imagined. Has it all been pink clouds and rainbows? Absolutely not. But I lived a lot of my life desperate to feel something. Anything. And I never did. I didn't want to live. I looked for death at every opportunity. But I couldn't escape.

Today I am free man. I want to live. I am happy with my life. I'm proud of what I have accomplished, and what I have survived. I may not be where I want to be in many ways, but in my head, I've never been happier. It takes daily work, but the more you do it, the easier it is. I found group therapy works the best for me. People with commonality. Shared experiences. If you are honest and open with other people who have experienced similar things, you will begin to find out ways to fix your own problems. But you have to be open to the changes that need to happen. Sometimes you gotta do stuff you don't want to do. To fix you. This thread is one of those places where you can get insight. Make use of it. Or go to AA. Find something that works. But talk to other people. Its crucial.

If you are in this thread, and you think you'll never escape the grip this stuff can have on you: you can. If you think you've fucked up too bad and you'll never rebuild: you will.

Just focus on not drinking today. And do it again tomorrow. The more time away from that last drink you get, the clearer you will be able to think. You'll be able to take the next steps.

I am not on PBB that often (trying to more frequently), but if you are struggling, and need to talk, my PM door is always open.
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Last edited by yotasmob; 05-07-2019 at 10:15 PM.
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Old 05-08-2019, 06:32 AM   #1204 (permalink)
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*First post*

I came to this website because I was researching what welder to get for my Baja Bug build and stumbled across this thread.... What ever happened to the OP?

Everything about the OP's first post describes my situation to a T!
I am 42 and served in the Marines for 8 yrs, have PTSD, have a Beautiful wife & a beautiful 18 yr old daughter. We make good money at our jobs and life is great. But I use beer as an escape from my problems and there seems to be a problem every night! Quite pathetic if you ask me. I always thought I had it under control and that I could stop at anytime if I wanted too. Well....I have wanted to stop for about 2 yrs and guess what....I am still a drunk!!

My wife & Daughter deserve better and as of today they will get a better me!


I just want to say Thanks to everyone on this thread that support those that choose to post on this topic, it is very inspiring! I have read through pretty much all of this thread and it is exactly what I needed to get my A*@ in gear!!!!

May 8th 2019!
Semper Fi
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Old 05-08-2019, 08:18 AM   #1205 (permalink)
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H8DWINGS- great to read your updates, hope all continues to go well for you and great job!

yotasmob- excellent post, thank you for sharing. Whats scary to me about your post: you, me, and a lot of others feel we are the only ones going through that shit, we aren't... Congrats on getting your life turned in a direction that has unlimited options.

Mykdee- welcome to the forum. Great bunch of assholes here that will tell you how it is with out much sugar coating. Good luck on making the change you seek, it won't be easy, but the rewards are so worth it.

I'm only about 16 months into my journey, but echo yotasmob- if anyone is struggling- reach out, you are not alone.
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Old 05-08-2019, 08:48 AM   #1206 (permalink)
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H8DWINGS- great to read your updates, hope all continues to go well for you and great job!
Went 111 days. Missed a Boston qualifier by 23 seconds and almost all of that was in the last 2-3 miles because I was ahead. Started drinking LIGHTLY again (hurts probably worse than before) and my wife asked me again how much I had last night and I said "too much according to you which is any at all" which kind of started an argument, her saying she'd take my son and move out because I "know how she feels about the drinking" so I told her I'll just do everything HER way (comes from the weekend I spend working on the Jeep not cleaning the house) since it's a lot easier and I'll stop doing anything my way.
Apparently 4 beers over 4 hours when I was in the garage until 11:30pm was too much, and according to her I probably spent the entire weekend drunk on the couch while she was gone because I didn't clean the place.

So...not exactly the best day/week. The mild headache and soreness from last night really doesn't help anything. Maybe I'll just roll a joint and tell her at least I'm not drinking anymore.

EDIT: I was thinking about this thread the other day. Something I noticed over the 111 days was people didn't care. When I had a beer at my mom's house Saturday my step father (who ALWAYS did this) says "you're back on beer again?" which is kind of annoying. It didn't matter if I quit for a month for dieting, running, or because I don't want it in my life he ALWAYS said something when I had a beer. This guy doesn't drink that much. Seriously...maybe TWO beers in a night. Maybe ONE rum and coke. Not much.
Father in law...nothing. Not a word. Either my wife told him I quit or he just didn't give a shit. When I finished my race he had three beers out there and I decided I'd have one. Pacifico. I wasn't missing much. He didn't say a word. This guy could probably put down a 30 pack in a day. Easy. Yet he never gave a shit if I was drinking or not, or just kept it to himself.

My mom asked why I quit drinking for running. Instead of telling her my wife said she'd leave me I just said "it is empty calories. If I'm going to be serious about my Boston Qualifying attempt and my wife sacrifices time with me or time she could be doing other stuff so I can run I can make some sacrifices as well." I just wanted to ask why it matters. like...whats the big fucking deal if I'm not drinking? Do you want to hear I'm a raging alcoholic so you can tell me how I need to quit and lecture me?

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Old 05-10-2019, 02:11 PM   #1207 (permalink)
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H8WINGS- sorry to hear about the missed qualifier... Bummer to hear about the other challenges/issues, I wish you the best, whatever direction that may take you.

As for your edit- you are right, nobody cares, and that is a big challenge- YOU have to care, as that is the only person that matters. I know, I've got a wife and family too, yes they matter, but as it relates to this battle- I have to be selfish and look out for me first. Stay strong and hold your head up, you're doing great!
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Old 05-10-2019, 03:16 PM   #1208 (permalink)
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H8WINGS- sorry to hear about the missed qualifier... Bummer to hear about the other challenges/issues, I wish you the best, whatever direction that may take you.

As for your edit- you are right, nobody cares, and that is a big challenge- YOU have to care, as that is the only person that matters. I know, I've got a wife and family too, yes they matter, but as it relates to this battle- I have to be selfish and look out for me first. Stay strong and hold your head up, you're doing great!
yeah it's up and down. Caused an argument last night. When she said she didn't want to be around me when I get drunk I told her that is a lie because she was looking in the trash or asking me how much I drank last night when she was in bed. I told her "I could go drink somewhere else and not come home and then you don't have to be around me, and our son won't see it. Just don't get upset that I'm not home because you don't want to see it" and I know exactly what that would do. Just a whole shit show argument where I'm asking what part of her life I have absolute control over that I can tell her she must quit doing or I'm taking our son and leaving while she's telling me my track record shows I can't just have a few beers and not get shit faced.

EDIT: Oh and I bought an 89 Cherokee for $2,500 that's probably going to take most of the money I had for beer. I kind of wish I could sell my brewing equipment for close to what I paid for it so I'd have some free cash for the Jeep. First actual wheeler I own. Needs money spent on it.

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Old 05-10-2019, 03:23 PM   #1209 (permalink)
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It's been 22 days today , I challenged myself to not drink for thirty days, just wanted to see if I needed it or not.

So far so good, not sure what I do when I hit the thirty day mark.
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Old 05-10-2019, 05:19 PM   #1210 (permalink)
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Just a whole shit show argument where I'm asking what part of her life I have absolute control over that I can tell her she must quit doing or I'm taking our son and leaving while she's telling me my track record shows I can't just have a few beers and not get shit faced..
Kinda part of why I broke up with the GF. I HAD to change everything, but she was not willing to budge an inch on anything. I know different story- not married- no kids- but same concept. If i don't do 'x' she is leaving, if I dont do 'y' she is leaving. I got the to point where if I have to change everything I am- you know all the things you have told me for years you loved about me- then maybe we are not a good match.

As for drinking. I have been drinking WAY too much since the break up. Not affecting life, but more than I want to. I need to cut back. I also want to stop smoking- seems the two are on the same graph line.

I am really thinking about just stopping drinking for the sake of quitting smoking. BC I know I will not do that after a few beers (been there tried that)
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Old 05-11-2019, 12:06 AM   #1211 (permalink)
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It's been 22 days today , I challenged myself to not drink for thirty days, just wanted to see if I needed it or not.

So far so good, not sure what I do when I hit the thirty day mark.
Try for 31?
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Old 05-13-2019, 07:20 AM   #1212 (permalink)
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Kinda part of why I broke up with the GF. I HAD to change everything, but she was not willing to budge an inch on anything. I know different story- not married- no kids- but same concept. If i don't do 'x' she is leaving, if I dont do 'y' she is leaving. I got the to point where if I have to change everything I am- you know all the things you have told me for years you loved about me- then maybe we are not a good match.

As for drinking. I have been drinking WAY too much since the break up. Not affecting life, but more than I want to. I need to cut back. I also want to stop smoking- seems the two are on the same graph line.

I am really thinking about just stopping drinking for the sake of quitting smoking. BC I know I will not do that after a few beers (been there tried that)
I'm pretty much here again. She doesn't do anything (other than complain sometimes ) that makes me say "I hate you when you ___" and I do. I wouldn't want to be with someone who made me hate them and that's why I've been divorced before. My way (drinking when/how/where I want) doesn't work. I don't think it's fair that she tells me "please don't drink anymore" when I've had 2 beers because she has a number in her head that is an acceptable amount. I don't. I have "I feel fine" in my head which becomes "I feel like getting drunk.

It's been a shitty month since I started drinking again for both reasons under my control and out of my control. I was up Saturday night drinking and wondering how I'll feel in the morning because I know it hurts. I just went through the fridge and the only stuff I have left is like 15%+ so the only time I'd drink that is with a group of people and even then I'm thinking I should just quit again and hit that 100 days but keep going. I quit smoking many times. Usually because I didn't buy them for various reasons (stores weren't open, I didn't have money, I didn't want to drive to buy them, etc.) and now I don't even ask people for them. Yeah I've had one or two but DAMN it knocks me down. I don't know how I did 5 a day, plus I work with a guy who smokes AND has an odor which is something I ALWAYS hated about smoking.

I'd say stop for a night and have a goal of making it through the weekend. I think Friday and Saturday were the hardest for me to start getting through without drinking but running early Saturday morning made it easier FOR ME. Having 2-4 guys I'd run with Saturday morning, training for a marathon (not required), and not really being able to hang out with the guys Saturday morning if I'd overslept due to Friday night made it a little easier to just go to bed. Now I should just take the money and spend it on Jeep parts and save for tons because everyone says the weak part of a Dana 30/35 combination is they're still going to be a Dana 30/35.
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Old 05-16-2019, 12:36 PM   #1213 (permalink)
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It's been 22 days today , I challenged myself to not drink for thirty days, just wanted to see if I needed it or not.

So far so good, not sure what I do when I hit the thirty day mark.
If you didn't question the need for quitting, you wouldn't have challenged yourself to do so. I used to write little notes to myself and leave them at my office. It would be an instant let down when i got in to work the next day.

that didn't work, but it definitely laid a guilt trip on myself. ALWAYS. TRY. FOR. MORE.

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Try for 31?
This ^


As for me, i'm going on 6 years no alcohol next month. I had to literally lose everything that was dear to me.

People ask if i could drink just ONE beer. i would never consider just one.. cause i know, eventually, that one beer will lead to one more. It may not be that day or that night, but it always means one more.

I can't risk my self-guilt this time. I honestly couldn't handle that again.
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Old 05-16-2019, 01:25 PM   #1214 (permalink)
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People ask if i could drink just ONE beer. i would never consider just one.. cause i know, eventually, that one beer will lead to one more. It may not be that day or that night, but it always means one more.
Told my wife I am probably going to go back to not drinking. Mostly because I can see myself slipping. Hiding it, drinking more than I told myself I would, buying beer on the way home because I have to have it. Just everything where I'm not acting like an adult about it. I might try marijuana and see how that affects life but right now I just need to quit. While I haven't woken up feeling like COMPLETE shit I HAVE woken up thinking "well it's a good thing I stopped/went to bed/ran out when I did." I just enjoy that feeling of being drunk. Thankfully I haven't had to lose everything in my life to get to the point of just quitting something I really can't control.
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Old 05-16-2019, 08:11 PM   #1215 (permalink)
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102 days. Marathon next Saturday. EASILY under 165 these days, I actually have a stronger core from working out (I HAVE ABS!) and a lot of shit that bothered me so much before hasn't mattered. It sounds stupid but it's as if this fog of shit I thought mattered just became irrelevant now.

I'm still as negative as I was before though. It hasn't changed my attitude at all.
Well good luck, If I had a choice between abs and being sober> it's been 30 years since I have worried about either.

30 years, my life did not get better right away, it took over a decade of suffering, and some very hard work before it started paying off big time.

I wish to all of you the joy of being free of alcohol and the pains it causes in everyone's lives around us.
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Old 05-17-2019, 08:01 AM   #1216 (permalink)
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Well good luck, If I had a choice between abs and being sober> it's been 30 years since I have worried about either.

30 years, my life did not get better right away, it took over a decade of suffering, and some very hard work before it started paying off big time.

I wish to all of you the joy of being free of alcohol and the pains it causes in everyone's lives around us.
Thanks. It's kind of saddening and usually I'd drink a few beers to feel better about it. Now I'm just looking at how much I spent on brewing equipment and knowing I can't get that money back and wishing I'd just gotten into wheeling instead of brewing. This hobby ain't cheap!
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Old 05-17-2019, 08:11 AM   #1217 (permalink)
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Thanks. It's kind of saddening and usually I'd drink a few beers to feel better about it. Now I'm just looking at how much I spent on brewing equipment and knowing I can't get that money back and wishing I'd just gotten into wheeling instead of brewing. This hobby ain't cheap!
Hate to break it to ya, but wheeling isn't cheap either
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Old 05-17-2019, 03:30 PM   #1218 (permalink)
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Hate to break it to ya, but wheeling isn't cheap either
I was talking about wheeling (this hobby) being expensive. I probably won't be able to afford the beer everyone takes wheeling until I'm in my 50s and my rig is finally to a point I don't want to work on it anymore. By then I'll just come back and hang out in chit chat again.
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Old 05-17-2019, 04:24 PM   #1219 (permalink)
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Kinda part of why I broke up with the GF. I HAD to change everything, but she was not willing to budge an inch on anything. I know different story- not married- no kids- but same concept. If i don't do 'x' she is leaving, if I dont do 'y' she is leaving. I got the to point where if I have to change everything I am- you know all the things you have told me for years you loved about me- then maybe we are not a good match.

As for drinking. I have been drinking WAY too much since the break up. Not affecting life, but more than I want to. I need to cut back. I also want to stop smoking- seems the two are on the same graph line.

I am really thinking about just stopping drinking for the sake of quitting smoking. BC I know I will not do that after a few beers (been there tried that)

You only need to change one thing.

EVERYTHING.
When you are hurting enough you will change.
I am very fucking hard headed, being German and Russian.
But I did reach the level of self inflicted pain it took to wake up.
So far it's been 31 years sober with no desire to drink alcohol.
Remember only you can decide when you have had enough.
Good luck
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Old 05-17-2019, 04:31 PM   #1220 (permalink)
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Thanks. It's kind of saddening and usually I'd drink a few beers to feel better about it. Now I'm just looking at how much I spent on brewing equipment and knowing I can't get that money back and wishing I'd just gotten into wheeling instead of brewing. This hobby ain't cheap!
Don't get me wrong, I struggle once in awhile.
Paying bills and shit that comes out of thin air.
Never dwell on money spent, yesterday is gone.
Watch the Movie "Frozen", and LET IT GO.
There are much better ways to feel good with out the down sides.
You have to figure out what those things are.
It's not the same for everyone.
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Old 05-17-2019, 07:34 PM   #1221 (permalink)
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My first and last post in this thread.
Where’s the formicarium update fucker?
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Old 05-18-2019, 03:59 AM   #1222 (permalink)
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Try for 31?
That would be tomorrow, It started with some shit I was watching on TV about drinking, and the 30 day thing came up.

So I thought 30 days ? pffft no big deal , will I drink again ? probably , but I know I it isn't that important to me.
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Old 05-18-2019, 01:28 PM   #1223 (permalink)
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Drinking or not, no matter where they come from they are all the same.
When it comes to sex.
Women need a reason.
Men just need time.

Just because you are married or living together, does not mean free domestic care.
Hell no shit I spend more time with our kids than my wife does.
I work full time and all the overtime I can afford.
I do most of the cooking, now most of the dish washing.
When I cook I make real food not garbage from a box.
My 6 year old told me once he really likes my cooking.
But make exotic things that really are not that hard to make.
Chicken Cordon Blu, with a Bearnaise sauce.
Shrimp scampi, I make mine a touch on the hot side with a couple of dashes of cayenne pepper powder.
Spaghetti with meatballs with some shredded Mozzarella on the noodles before adding meatballs and sauce.
Sometimes simple is great as long as you make it with love.
I make Beanie Weenies for the kids.
I make a ground chuck mac and 5 cheese casserole to die for.
If you wear clothes then you should also feel responsible for doing a little laundry.

I did not start off doing these things, but I got the last promotion I will ever get. But I had to go on AWW 2 shift. Friday, Saturday, Sunday nights 6PM till 6 Am.
Hours suck yes but I get 4 days off a week and sometimes I get 4 days of overtime.
I have allot of time around the house by myself.
So I started doing the above things.
I have always liked and do cook.
I still take care of the yard, house, construction projects, maint. on the cars..

Now the side effects are as follows.
The wife does not bitch, she actually may even feel a little guilty and starts doing more around the house.
Her Sex drive will increase, no Shiite you do the above right and it's like wrestling a tiger.
Remember what said about Women needing a reason.
She will damn sure make sure you have the time.
It's gotta be better and cheaper than divorce.
Good Luck!
__________________
[QUOTE=ChevyGal;9752200]I personally think it's cool Janet Reno likes to wheel. :)[/QUOTE]
Alfred W. is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 05-18-2019, 01:51 PM   #1224 (permalink)
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Member # 55560
Location: Central Valley, CA
Posts: 2,579
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alfred W. View Post
Drinking or not, no matter where they come from they are all the same.
When it comes to sex.
Women need a reason.
Men just need time.

Just because you are married or living together, does not mean free domestic care.
Hell no shit I spend more time with our kids than my wife does.
I work full time and all the overtime I can afford.
I do most of the cooking, now most of the dish washing.
When I cook I make real food not garbage from a box.
My 6 year old told me once he really likes my cooking.
But make exotic things that really are not that hard to make.
Chicken Cordon Blu, with a Bearnaise sauce.
Shrimp scampi, I make mine a touch on the hot side with a couple of dashes of cayenne pepper powder.
Spaghetti with meatballs with some shredded Mozzarella on the noodles before adding meatballs and sauce.
Sometimes simple is great as long as you make it with love.
I make Beanie Weenies for the kids.
I make a ground chuck mac and 5 cheese casserole to die for.
If you wear clothes then you should also feel responsible for doing a little laundry.

I did not start off doing these things, but I got the last promotion I will ever get. But I had to go on AWW 2 shift. Friday, Saturday, Sunday nights 6PM till 6 Am.
Hours suck yes but I get 4 days off a week and sometimes I get 4 days of overtime.
I have allot of time around the house by myself.
So I started doing the above things.
I have always liked and do cook.
I still take care of the yard, house, construction projects, maint. on the cars..

Now the side effects are as follows.
The wife does not bitch, she actually may even feel a little guilty and starts doing more around the house.
Her Sex drive will increase, no Shiite you do the above right and it's like wrestling a tiger.
Remember what said about Women needing a reason.
She will damn sure make sure you have the time.
It's gotta be better and cheaper than divorce.
Good Luck!
Legend!
__________________
A bunch of old crap
Mattafact is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 05-19-2019, 11:48 AM   #1225 (permalink)
CJF
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Member # 41971
Posts: 5,964
Might as well put this in writing: Gonna try for no alcohol today.
CJF is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
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