My first and last post in this thread:
Originally Posted by yotasmob
One week today (Xmas). Sober date: 12-18-14. Don't need it in my life any more. Drank more in my 20s than most people could drink in two lifetimes.
Frankly amazed I'm still alive. I could drink a fifth of whiskey in one night and still go out to the bars and have more no problem. Wicked high tolerance even since I was just a teenager. Never got so much as a buzz off of anything less than a 6 pack or a pint.
AA isn't for everyone but if you find a group you like its worth going to for meeting new, non-drinking friends, to hear people's stories and keep yourself motivated to stay dry. Most people I know that drink are alcoholics and either don't know it yet, or are in denial. I know I was for years. Cheers to those who made the choice to cut the sauce and happy holidays.
Originally Posted by yotasmob
It took me two years of really trying.
But I hit 5 months without a drink a few days ago. Longest I've gone since I was a teenager.
Between that first post, and that last post, a lot happened to me. I tried multiple times to quit - as is evident from many attempts to start over that I posted about here. There were many, many more I didn't post about. What is certain, is my life went to absolute shit in those 3 years. My ex gf, also an alcoholic but with a serious anger problem, ran me over at 45 mph in a drunken rage. I attempted suicide, twice. All three times it was a miracle I survived. Anyone in this thread that has slipped down an alcohol fueled self destructive rampage knows, there is no end to the destruction we can cause ourselves when we just stop giving a fuck. That stuff is just the tip of the iceberg.
The good news is: today marks two years without a drink. In those two years, I have experienced and overcome every single challenge I thought I could never overcome without drinking.
What I came to find is that I didn't so much have a drinking problem, as I did a thinking problem. I just wasn't able to grasp, understand, and really begin to break down how fucked up my perspective was until I got some serious time without drinking. The further I got away from my last drink, the more I began to see improvements in many different areas of my life.
Since I have quit alcohol 2 years ago, I have had the following benefits:
Lost overall 80 lbs
Depression has virtually gone away after lifelong battle with it (alcohol is a depressant after all lol. hm)
Anxiety is much more manageable.
Regained self confidence and then some
Stronger, and in better shape than I ever have been
Been able to maintain healthy diet and lifestyle for 2 year
Gotten laid more in the last two years than my entire adult life combined (by classy chicks, not bottom barrel bar whores
Get good sleep all the time, get tired at normal times, good energy all day
I'm fucking happy. And can find joy in life. And when shit goes to all fuck, I keep my shit together, and get through it, no matter what. And I don't drink.
Save a fuckload of money, all the time
Suicide isn't even on the table. period.
I'm not about to sit here and say this was easy. Or that if I decided to start drinking tomorrow that it wouldn't all go away. Because it would. I can't drink. It has a toxic effect on my mind, my spirit and my soul. It might have taken two decades to slowly drag me to the point of suicide. But I know for a fact it would suck be down a black hole I would likely never get out of should I pick it up again. Today I am totally cool without drinking. It simply isn't important, and I rarely even think about it.
So for me, not drinking is easy. The life I have today is most certainly a life I could never have imagined. Has it all been pink clouds and rainbows? Absolutely not. But I lived a lot of my life desperate to feel something. Anything. And I never did. I didn't want to live. I looked for death at every opportunity. But I couldn't escape.
Today I am free man. I want to live. I am happy with my life. I'm proud of what I have accomplished, and what I have survived. I may not be where I want to be in many ways, but in my head, I've never been happier. It takes daily work, but the more you do it, the easier it is. I found group therapy works the best for me. People with commonality. Shared experiences. If you are honest and open with other people who have experienced similar things, you will begin to find out ways to fix your own problems. But you have to be open to the changes that need to happen. Sometimes you gotta do stuff you don't want to do. To fix you. This thread is one of those places where you can get insight. Make use of it. Or go to AA. Find something that works. But talk to other people. Its crucial.
If you are in this thread, and you think you'll never escape the grip this stuff can have on you: you can. If you think you've fucked up too bad and you'll never rebuild: you will.
Just focus on not drinking today. And do it again tomorrow. The more time away from that last drink you get, the clearer you will be able to think. You'll be able to take the next steps.
I am not on PBB that often (trying to more frequently), but if you are struggling, and need to talk, my PM door is always open.