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Old 03-07-2016, 01:44 PM   #1 (permalink)
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useless things about your day you want others to know. gcc

I figured it was easier to start a new clean thread for everyone to post their useless thoughts and happenings.





















I thought after 8 years nothing I could do would shock my girlfriend.

Yesterday she found a free peacock on Facebook but you had to take 3 old roosters with it. I knew it was probably a bad idea to throw them all in with my other birds right but against better judgement I did. They seemed to be all fine for the 20-30 minutes I was watching them so I went back to other projects.
A couple hours goes by and I hear her yelling at the birds so I go have a look. They are all pecking the shit out of one of the new silky roosters pretty good. I tell her " I know how to fix this" and walk up the hill to our chicken coop. (My honest intention going into the coop was to just let it go, figuring it would be mountain lion food by morning) However when I got inside the other birds had already pecked half of its head open and it's insides were coming out. I reached down, grabbed it by the head, and gave it a quick hard twirl 2-3 times and it layed limp instantly. My girlfriend was horrified that I would do that and stormed inside. I carried it over to the garbage can, threw it away, and carried about my day.

Well 24 hours later and I just get a phone call. She is bawling her eyes out muttering "you didn't kill the chicken". I guess she went to throw out a bag of trash and when she opened the can it ruffled it's head feathers starring at her blinking it's eyes. I told her to cut its head off with the shovel or just close the garbage can lid and I'd deal with it when I got home. She left it in there for me.

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Old 03-07-2016, 01:48 PM   #2 (permalink)
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If you're going to wring its neck, you don't stop until the head comes off. Fuckin' amateur!
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Old 03-07-2016, 01:50 PM   #3 (permalink)
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If you're going to wring its neck, you don't stop until the head comes off. Fuckin' amateur!
Well for Fuchs sake I never read an instruction manual. I was impressed with how well it worked at the time. I feel bad for her but part of me thinks it's pretty funny.
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Old 03-07-2016, 01:50 PM   #4 (permalink)
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you only half-choked your chicken?
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Old 03-07-2016, 01:52 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Pretty good bet he'll be choking his chicken more often now
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Old 03-07-2016, 01:54 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Two good spins and then a quick downward jerk when it's at the apex of it's flip.
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Old 03-07-2016, 01:54 PM   #7 (permalink)
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You should have made her pluck and gut it and fry it up.
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Old 03-07-2016, 01:57 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I went to buy packing tape and got hit on by a grey haired cashier.
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Old 03-07-2016, 02:00 PM   #9 (permalink)
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You should have made her pluck and gut it and fry it up.
It was 3-4 years old
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Old 03-07-2016, 02:07 PM   #10 (permalink)
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The 2.99 hot dog, drink and chips did the trick for lunch.
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Old 03-07-2016, 02:07 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Chickens is hard to kill. Turkeys too.

I wrung the neck of my rooster when he went after my wife for the umpteenth time. He was a dick. I used to carry a .22 revolver with snake shot in it just to shoot him with. He'd squawk like hell but it wouldn't hurt him. Not that he's gone I have nothing to shoot at. :\ Note to self; get another rooster to shoot at.
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Old 03-07-2016, 02:13 PM   #12 (permalink)
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The 2.99 hot dog, drink and chips did the trick for lunch.
I went for a double dose of gas station burritos for a delicious way to develop gastric distress.
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Problem with truffle butter is that it isnt gay st all

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Old 03-07-2016, 02:15 PM   #13 (permalink)
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In other news, I freckled my shorts with a questionable fart this morning.
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Old 03-07-2016, 02:20 PM   #14 (permalink)
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In other news, I freckled my shorts with a questionable fart this morning.
Three rules to live by as you age

Never pass a bathroom
Never waste a bonner
Never trust a fart
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Old 03-07-2016, 02:28 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Three rules to live by as you age

Never pass a bathroom
Never waste a bonner
Never trust a fart




Urban Dictionary: Bonner


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Old 03-07-2016, 02:36 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Im slowly taking apart the front end of this pos chevy and im trying to pull the plug out of the horn but it wont budge. Been trying at it for damn near 30 minutes.
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Old 03-07-2016, 02:45 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Chickens is hard to kill. Turkeys too.
We used to raise and kill 100 at a time. In my experiences, they have died 100% of the time after removing the head.
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Old 03-07-2016, 02:48 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mercedesrover View Post
Chickens is hard to kill. Turkeys too.
We used to raise and kill 100 at a time. In my experiences, they have died 100% of the time after removing the head.
http://www.miketheheadlesschicken.org/history
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Old 03-07-2016, 02:54 PM   #19 (permalink)
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I have a game i play in traffic called "guess that ethnicity". I drive alot for my job but I'm about 99% right after a few years. Heres my fool proof criteria;

Going 20 mph below the speed limit in a toyota/honda? Asian
Swerving and general lack of an understanding that they are in traffic? Indian
35 mph over the speed limit in a long, obnoxious American car? Black
Aggressive driving mostly including passing in a merge lane? White

I want to take video to prove it.
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Old 03-07-2016, 04:10 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Ever had a Barium shake for breakfast? They suck! Then the IV drip of some damn drug that makes you fee like someone dumped a five gallon pail of hot water on you. I am exhausted, it's been a long gloomy ass day. I need sunshine.

Note to self "always fully choke your chicken".

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Old 03-07-2016, 04:13 PM   #21 (permalink)
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I was voluntold to compete against Middle and High schoolers in a CO2 wood car derby thing today
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Old 03-07-2016, 04:16 PM   #22 (permalink)
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I stabbed the fuk outta my hand separating some hydraulic hoses. While it isn't shooting a fountain of blood like it was at first, now my hand is turning this cool blue n' purple color. Tetanus shot is up to date so debating the rest.....

trying to calm the fuk down and not punch a hole in something...
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Old 03-07-2016, 04:25 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Dibs on your stuff!
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Old 03-07-2016, 04:29 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by FlexyTJ View Post
I stabbed the fuk outta my hand separating some hydraulic hoses. While it isn't shooting a fountain of blood like it was at first, now my hand is turning this cool blue n' purple color. Tetanus shot is up to date so debating the rest.....

trying to calm the fuk down and not punch a hole in something...
All Bullshit aside, if you got hydraulic oil in the wound, I'd go have it looked at. Nasty infections can ensue.
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Old 03-07-2016, 04:30 PM   #25 (permalink)
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In other news, I freckled my shorts with a questionable fart this morning.
Your new official PBB nick name is Shit speckled muppet fart.
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