At 43 my fucking back is done! Nothing major from what the Doctor can tell. My lower left back muscles pull tight and then i cant walk or do jack diddly squat for weeks at a time. Its been like this for about ten years( the first time i was buffing my van and changing the oil. ) A few times a year it would happen and i would get an unwelcome vacation from work.
For the few here who know me personally you would know that i work like an animal. Ive always worked smart but in my case its just a lot of working smart. Since i was 13 I have been bustin my ass to earn a dollar. Its something I enjoy, gives me self worth, and keeps my brain computer in sync with my body vessel.
In the last year my back has gone out on me 9 times. The last 4 times within the last month and a half. For personal Religious reasons I am not to take any man made medicines. It pains me to say that i have received a steriod shot and the very next week a torridol or whatever the fuck they call it. I have a disdain for needles for when I was younger my brother was gripped by the clutch of Herion, I live every day with the demon who will never leave me because I let my superstructure weaken so I could stop him from being sick when he lost battle after battle in the war of becoming clean. No 9-12 year old should have to shoot up his brother. Luckily for ME and my family he lost his life to HIV/Aids through needle sharing and the Smack didn't take him out.RIP Lonnie AKA Flambo.
I have been fortunate to do small things but my wife helps me around the house and soon we will be seeking a live in Domestic. She has her own health issues to deal with.
Here is the hard nut to swallow. Im at a good place and at the cusp of where i have always wanted to be career wise. I needed a few more years to get the place straight and be able to sit back and relax. I know as well as the next man who is complete that our path can not be controlled by us in its entirety. I truly get that. Sitting at a desk for more than 2 hours is mentally tough for me. As the general in my squad I can no longer slay dragons along side or most importantly Slay the dragons at work in the battlefield that they can not defeat on their own.
My fellow management staff looks at me like i have 6 medusa heads when i try to discuss my emotional issues. (All of them with all due respect are great people but they are not in any way trying to relate or have no interest in labor. MY Job is good with me sitting on my black ass all damn day pointing the finger.)
The issue is clearly within myself. I tried to discuss my options with the VP of Engineering and the typical awesome mutha fucka he is got me to laugh. But he could tell i was holding back the tears. IM FUCKIN DONE! HE wants me to sit on my ass also.
Soo with that being said and my entire crew babysitting me I go home and cry every night. My crew doesn't deserve to have to watch the boss. They do and I love them for that. It reminds me that they actually listen to my complex solutions to the advice they seek and they listen, hear and take heed to what I say.
My main thing is "If you don't take care of yourself then your no good to nobody". I'm like a mix of Dolomite, Marcus Garvey, A shitty street thug, and the Buddha. Yet when shit is real i am very humble with all of that.
Medicine is out of the question. Walking slow is what im focused on mainly because going at my normal speed just hurts too much. BUT ive been changing the same damn U-joint in my van since 10 am and its finally fixed at 1:30.
THe Doc says absolutely No drag racing my cars that pull the wheels up so they are being sold this week. My current trail rig or the next one I build has to have a real suspension seat and 5 point harness. Absolutely NO Personal activities beyond what normal people. You should seen the look on the Doc face when my reply was WAIT, NIKKA WHAT! LOL Meh it is what it is. I am Grateful i can at least wheel. (Drag racing and going fast feeds my brain computer but trail riding for me is deeply spiritual as it the most direct connection I have to Mother Earth and what she Provides US all.)
So with that said/spewed...... Has anybody dealt with the same issue from going from Labor to the desk full time. When i say labor because tgis is pirate I dont mean Guadalupe hanging at the day worker spot because he is doing the right thing to feed his family. Im talking more along the lines of the working Manager/Engineer/tech/mechanic having to be stuck at the desk all day bored with not much to do. The company I work for is great and I am not leaving on my own accord. But they are sending signals toward HR, Director of Operations etc etc. That shit just 8nt me. I could look at it as another challenge (Glass Half Full) but it wasnt in the plans for my retirement plan. (When i retire i am going to full time a program for young urban area gang members etc to help them see that they can walk away from the demons of the streets and actually do life the right way by working their ass of, not looking for handouts and become better members of
society.) Yeah imagine that. Me of all people trying to help a mutha fucka.
So with a mini War and Peace stated above, I need some help in how to overcome the issues i have from having to put the tools down and be the BOSS instead of the BOSS who likes to play the worker.