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Old 11-02-2018, 06:21 AM   #26 (permalink)
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Yes its the wifes sisters kids. They arent too screwed up but they have had no discipline. The sister in laws husband killed himself about 4 months ago,he was the baby daddy to the youngest and the others two's dad sure isnt a model citizen but he seems to be trying to get his shit straight. He takes all three of them for regular visitation. With a good lawyer he may get custody of his two but as the court papers read right now they are taking them away from him too because they say he should have known what condition the kids were living in. Which is partly true but he lives about 3 hours away in another state so im not sure he realized exactly how bad it was. I dont mind taking them temporary until someone gets their shit straight its on a permanent basis im saying no to. At the moment i dont even have a big enough house to hold 4 kids,id have to build on a couple more rooms.
Then there is hope. For temporary, yes but, considering you say they have had no discipline, I'd set them all down and lay out the rules. Make it extremely clear these are not negotiable and they will be followed.
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Old 11-02-2018, 06:22 AM   #27 (permalink)
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Damm I would hate to be in your shoes. Your going to be 65 when that 4 year old is graduating high school. Do you have the financial means to rise three more kids? What about college? Housing? Food? Can the state step in and help you out with the expenses?
Your a hero if you take them in, basically set them in the right direction.
What about the kids Father?
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Old 11-02-2018, 06:28 AM   #28 (permalink)
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Hire that man a good lawyer. Like get off of Pirate and do it now. It will be a hell of a lot cheaper than raising three kids that aren't yours and cause a hell of lot less conflict than you holding your ground and having them go to foster care.

Him taking the kids is the best possible outcome here.
Exactly..
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Old 11-02-2018, 06:37 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Can the state step in and help you out with the expenses?
You do get some assistance from the state as a foster parent. Unfortunately that is why the foster system is so screwed up, lots of people just doing it for the money.

I'm not sure if its enough to actually cover raising a kid properly though.
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Old 11-02-2018, 06:46 AM   #30 (permalink)
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Sell them.
Profit.
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Old 11-02-2018, 06:48 AM   #31 (permalink)
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How strong is you marriage? Does you wife know her sister is a deadbeat? Hire the lawyer for the baby daddy and help him get his 2 crotch fruits. Then you only raising 1?

Your an asshole but I totally understand not wanting to go through it for another 14-20 years before they are all “on their own”.

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Old 11-02-2018, 06:57 AM   #32 (permalink)
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Pics of the sister in law's starfish?
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Under an hour and its said Out-fuckin-standing
I was going to post this,
but if sis in laws pics can't be had then take pics of wifes,
should look about the same.
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Old 11-02-2018, 07:04 AM   #33 (permalink)
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Assist the father of the 2 in any way you can, hire an attorney, advocate for him loudly

Stay in contact with him, follow up, keep tabs on things

Take the the 4yo for 30 days and get the mom in whatever program needed, detox, mental heath, whatever, to get her shit together

I know here, if it's a foster situation, the state programs will basically pay for daycare, and provide transportation to daycare, get him/her in a good pre school with structure and most of the burden will be handled

If the kids are a wreck and your wife insists on keeping them, move out, but keep that number, single mom's are freaky
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Old 11-02-2018, 07:08 AM   #34 (permalink)
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Pics of the sister in law's starfish?
I hear she fucks
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Old 11-02-2018, 07:15 AM   #35 (permalink)
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4, 7 and 10? Shit you just got 3 kids you can train to do chores. It's not like they are 1, 2 and 3 and need constant care. Look at it this way. If you don't take them in at least on a temp basis your wife will hate you forever. So take them in. And welcome them to the hardest boot camp ever. They will either become great kids or hate you. If they hate you then you can discuss with the wife letting them go to foster care because THEY want to go.

Not enough rooms? Two words: Bunk beds.
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Old 11-02-2018, 07:21 AM   #36 (permalink)
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How does your wife feel about it?
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Old 11-02-2018, 07:23 AM   #37 (permalink)
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I married into a family with three grown adult daughters. And I've had to deal with it 2.5 times.

I'm not a kid person. I think others hit it with depends upon how 'screwed up' the kids are.

In one case, it was for a 10ish year old boy and it sounded like it would be permanent. He had several problems and my wife was onboard with 'hell no'.

In another case, it was a 6 month old girl and it sounded like maybe 2-3 years. My wife and I worked with cross state CPS to be ready for this. This involved putting up fencing, grating off in wall heaters, and gating off fireplace. Fortunately it didn't happen.

In case 2.5, same boy from above at about 14 years old. Same answer.
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Old 11-02-2018, 07:24 AM   #38 (permalink)
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Where is the Father??? Dad will have his side of the family to help out. He is legally first in line to take care of these kids.
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Old 11-02-2018, 07:29 AM   #39 (permalink)
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Where is the Father??? Dad will have his side of the family to help out. He is legally first in line to take care of these kids.
Read the thread. All sperm donors are accounted for.
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Old 11-02-2018, 07:30 AM   #40 (permalink)
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Asshole level 4. Selfish level 9.7. Not the kids fault they got bad luck. You might have the opportunity to make three good citizens and a lot of love and good vibes for you. If they were neighbors or strangers I could understand but blood relatives you gotta try. I wouldn’t give a second thought. Yep it’ll suck for a while but the return may be spectacular
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Old 11-02-2018, 07:31 AM   #41 (permalink)
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grating off in wall heaters
The smart ones only make that mistake once.
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Old 11-02-2018, 07:36 AM   #42 (permalink)
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Depends on the kids, If they are well behaved, well adjusted and understand their mothers problems. It would not be hard to take them in. If the were raised like wolves, I'd not have a problem sending them into the foster care system.

My SIL married into problem kids, to people outside the family they were perfect. The truth of it they were hellions. One ended up going to a mental hospital for 6 years for her actions.
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Old 11-02-2018, 07:39 AM   #43 (permalink)
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How strong is you marriage? Does you wife know her sister is a deadbeat? Hire the lawyer for the baby daddy and help him get his 2 crotch fruits. Then you only raising 1?

Your an asshole but I totally understand not wanting to go through it for another 14-20 years before they are all “on their own”.

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This, Help him get his 2 kids, and take the youngest if need be, This will likely be the easiest solution for all involved.. the little one will be the longest term but the least work to set on the correct path. Maybe the mom will shape up at some point and be able to get back involved at some point. Don't let this be a get out of jail free card for her to go have more spawn though..
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Old 11-02-2018, 07:44 AM   #44 (permalink)
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Tough deal, but if you’re not committed %110, it’s best to not go down that road. I’m 51 and understand.
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Old 11-02-2018, 07:48 AM   #45 (permalink)
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The smart ones only make that mistake once.
That was my opinion. CPS thought otherwise There were LOTS of absurd requirements but we just smiled then did them. I want to say we spent close to $1k to be compliant and ready to go.

To make matters worse, this was going to be out of state deal.
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Old 11-02-2018, 08:00 AM   #46 (permalink)
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3 of 10. I've been here. Sister in laws daughter has 3 taken by the state, knocks out a 4th cause its fun..I stood my ground and said no, we have a daughter who was 9 at the time and I want to provide for my own first. In the long run it worked out cause another sister took the kid in and is doing great. If you are not 100% in don't do it.

On another note if the state wants to fund baby making they should also give away free clipping and tying. kids having kids SMH
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Old 11-02-2018, 08:01 AM   #47 (permalink)
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The sister in law has 3 kids ranging from about 4 ,7 and 10 years old. She is a piece of shit and the state is gonna take them and i told my wife i didnt want them. My own kids were about 13 years apart with the youngest now being 13 so ive basically been raising a kid for the last 26 years,ill be 50 next year. How big of an asshole does this make me?
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Old 11-02-2018, 08:03 AM   #48 (permalink)
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7/10. But, that has nothing to do with whether it's the right decision.
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Old 11-02-2018, 08:05 AM   #49 (permalink)
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not an asshole at all. If you kept those feelings hid and took the kids, that would be bad for them.

If you can't love those kids and give them the stability they need... they need to go where they can.. otherwise, history will repeat.

Our kids are finally gone... but, I have been getting my mind right that at some point, we could be in that situation (with some of our relatives kids) I am not facing it yet, but I am getting my mind in the space where i could love a whole new set of kids and take care of them and work hard to take care of them all...

If you ain't got it... don't fake it.
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Old 11-02-2018, 08:12 AM   #50 (permalink)
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I don't think I could let the state take my nieces and nephews and possibly split them up. I'd do what it took to raise those children. Sounds like they haven't had a great life thus far, I'd do what I could to change that.
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