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Old 11-03-2018, 05:53 AM   #101 (permalink)
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@EMT what happened to that land deal?
Basically i offerend 50 more an acre to keep it out of court,they accepted. I am currently living on it.
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Old 11-03-2018, 10:09 PM   #102 (permalink)
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Asshole level 4. Selfish level 9.7. Not the kids fault they got bad luck. You might have the opportunity to make three good citizens and a lot of love and good vibes for you. If they were neighbors or strangers I could understand but blood relatives you gotta try. I wouldn’t give a second thought. Yep it’ll suck for a while but the return may be spectacular
Or he might have the opportunity to spend 10 more years of his life miserable and broke instead of enjoying a part of the very limited amount of time we all have on this earth.... May not be the kid's fault, but doesn't mean he should have any obligation to pick up the pieces of the sister in law's failures either.

At the end of the day do what you think is right. Not something any of us can decide for you. The question I'd ask is which would be worse... dealing with possibly POS kids for 10+ years or feeling guilty that you could have helped them but didn't (combined with possibly being hated by your wife). Hard place to be.

Being honest about it all is important, and kudos to you for being willing to ask on here and admit/talk about it.
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Old 11-04-2018, 07:03 AM   #103 (permalink)
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it is called maturity, family and sacrifice. All admirable traits IF you have them. If you don't, don't appear to be a hero to others while actually sucking ass as a human.
^^^^he put is best with an emphasis of Sacrifice. Sucky situation for everyone for sure especially for the kids but if you are honest with yourself and don’t think you can do it then don’t. Financially, at least in TX, you would be give. A small monthly stipend mostly would cover kid expenses and kids would have free tuition to state school. Again this is in TX. You would never get rich or anywhere close to it but takes away most if not all of the financial part of raising a kid from foster care.

I am not going to say what I would do because our lives are vastly different so it wouldn’t matter anyways. Good luck with your decision as it isn’t an easy one.

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I was waiting for someone to point this out.

Also, start planning your home addition, new cars, etc. With the state involved you will need 2 new cars that are newish and have proper room for the entire family. Oh, and they will have to meet certain crash safety levels too. At least that is what my buddy here is dealing with.
I have never heard of the new car thing. I have spent some time very recently as a licensed foster parent in TX. They may have asked my vehicle but I don’t remember it and they were ok with a 2005 F150. Sounds fishy that TX would care about their vehicle as long you you aren’t transporting more people than it was designed for. Or maybe their agency which they chose which is contracted by the state cares but I don’t really think the state of TX give a crap what you drive.
My buddy and his wife have been trying to foster to adopt for years. They came and met with them several times. Full background checks on them and all of their family who might be around. They did and interview with me and itjust friends. I thought it was a referral interview, but quickly realized it was more.

His wife had a 2010? Acura TL, he has a spotless 2 door 90's Tahoe/ Blazer and a couple of Corvettes. One classic that was his Grandfather's and a C6 Grand Sport. They flat out told him that his Blazer was too old because it didn't have airbags up to their standards (even though the age they were talking about isn't allowed in the front seat). His wife's TL was borderline and they said he really needed to buy his wife a new car and gave him a list of safety ratings and things it should have. Not a deal breaker, but would "move them down the list" if they didn't. He was also told any child could never ride in either Corvette even if he turned the passenger airbag off in the C6. As I recall he had to sign a certified document for them on this. His wife's car was hot and totaled a few weeks later so she got the new car. They were still told he needed to sell his Blazer and get something else, not just get a new car. They want it gone. He told them he would do it as soon as they got the call, but they had already jumped through too many hoops and hadn't even been close to getting a foster. It's been 2 years, they still haven't gotten a call. He makes good $, his wife stays away home, new 5 bedroom house in gated neighborhood in good suburb. However, they claim they can't find good homes for kids. Complete BS.
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Old 11-04-2018, 07:22 AM   #104 (permalink)
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My buddy and his wife have been trying to foster to adopt for years. They came and met with them several times. Full background checks on them and all of their family who might be around. They did and interview with me and itjust friends. I thought it was a referral interview, but quickly realized it was more.

His wife had a 2010? Acura TL, he has a spotless 2 door 90's Tahoe/ Blazer and a couple of Corvettes. One classic that was his Grandfather's and a C6 Grand Sport. They flat out told him that his Blazer was too old because it didn't have airbags up to their standards (even though the age they were talking about isn't allowed in the front seat). His wife's TL was borderline and they said he really needed to buy his wife a new car and gave him a list of safety ratings and things it should have. Not a deal breaker, but would "move them down the list" if they didn't. He was also told any child could never fisse in either Corvette even if he turned the passenger airbag off in the C6. As I recall he had to sign a certified document for them on this. His wife's car was hot and totaled a few weeks later so she got the new car. They were still told he needed to sell his Blazer and get something else, not just get a new car. They want it gone. He told them he would do it as soon as they got the call, but they had already jumped through too many hoops and hadn't even been close to getting a foster. It's been 2 years, they still haven't gotten a call. He makes good $, his wife stays away home, new 5 bedroom house in gated neighborhood in good suburb. However, they claim they can't find good homes for kids. Complete BS.
100% agreed. The adoption process is a nightmare and it's why so many end up going through Russia or China to adopt. It's literally easier and cheaper to adopt a kid from the other side of the planet than one from right down the street.
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Old 11-04-2018, 10:47 AM   #105 (permalink)
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How does your wife feel about it?
Second.
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Old 11-04-2018, 10:48 AM   #106 (permalink)
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How does your wife feel about it?
Second.

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Old 11-06-2018, 03:14 PM   #107 (permalink)
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Depends on the kids. If they are great kids, who can get a shot at life if you take them in, then yeah a little.
Although it is selfish asshole that you asking about.
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Old 11-06-2018, 03:36 PM   #108 (permalink)
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Or he might have the opportunity to spend 10 more years of his life miserable and broke instead of enjoying a part of the very limited amount of time we all have on this earth.... May not be the kid's fault, but doesn't mean he should have any obligation to pick up the pieces of the sister in law's failures either.

At the end of the day do what you think is right. Not something any of us can decide for you. The question I'd ask is which would be worse... dealing with possibly POS kids for 10+ years or feeling guilty that you could have helped them but didn't (combined with possibly being hated by your wife). Hard place to be.

Being honest about it all is important, and kudos to you for being willing to ask on here and admit/talk about it.
this.

everyone talking about how the kid's aren't at fault and deserve a shot, fuck you.

it's always about the children. What other things do you justify for the children then?

EMT has done his duty as a parent and citizen. He's raised his kids, why should someone elses kids be his responsibility?

don't do it because you feel obligated. You will resent the kids, you will resent everything about it and it will fucking ruin you.
If you do it because yo uwant to, fine, but I wouldn't bow to anyone telling me I had to simply because I was related to them. They're not the ones that have to commit, so fuck them.

as to asshole? no. You're not an asshole. Well, maybe you are, but not because you dn't feel obligated to clean up someone else's mess.
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Old 11-06-2018, 03:44 PM   #109 (permalink)
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Take the kids and nail her for support. if she grows up she'll take them back. They your wife's relatives? Yours? You can pick your friends. You're stuck with family.
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Old 11-06-2018, 05:01 PM   #110 (permalink)
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EMT,

I guess it depends on if you are a strong enough Christian (if at all). If you propose this to GOD and ask him for an answer he will send you a sign, if it is to go ahead with it, then DESPITE your faults or weaknesses it will work out in the end.

Everyone likes to twisted what "my brother's keeper" really means. It means if your blood brother dies, WITHOUT a child alive to inherit the property and name, you were legally and morally obligated to go into the widow and help her conceive. This is where Cain, (imho) was being a wisenheimer to GOD when he said:

Genesis 4:9
And the LORD said unto Cain, Where is Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: Am I my brother's keeper?

Besides being a liar (like his father Satan) Cain was saying I (being from the seed of Satan) have no legal or moral interest in Abel because he is of a different father (blood line) then me.

Contrast this to what Jesus said:

Luke 10:29 (the good Samaritan story)
But he, willing to justify himself, said unto Jesus, And who is my neighbour?

What was Jesus's ultimate response?

37 And he said, He that shewed mercy on him. Then said Jesus unto him, Go, and do thou likewise.

Then Mark 12:31
And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.

Then if the person was not too bright, what did Jesus say again?

Luke 10:27 And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.

> Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

If you were these kids, what would you want your "uncle" to do?

Watch the video by Everlast (not that I am a big a fan of the group with the foul language ) "Long at All"? with the homeless man riding the bike.


Legally you are not your brother's keeper to these kids. The question is how much do you love your wife and how much love will you show her and how much mercy will you show these children?

Could they be like the kid that strangled his mother to death in Florida over bad grades? Or the one that killed his grandparent the same week over a video game, absolutely! BUT, GOD is a shield against evil and if you do something GOD approves of then not even the likes of Satan, Soros, or Obama can stop you.

When you reject these children, remember in your old age, they will be running the country, not you.

If it was me, here is what I would do. I would get the three kids, tell them if you want to NOT live in foster care, here are the rules:

#1 You never raise a hand or voice to my wife. You do what she says, like my own children. If you have an issue, feel free to yell or hit me, just know you are getting it back in like manner if you tick me off too much. I have 50+ years of being an arse and get in some practice in my spare time on Pirate4x4. :-D

#2 I am legally adopting you and you are getting my last name. Until you are 18 -AND- out of my house and on your own, you are not to see these people at all (mother and/or father). GOD gave you to them to take care and they cared more about themselves, then you, You will be the thing I think of when I get up in the morning and before I go to bed. You will be more precious to me then gold.

#3 You are doing chores and getting part time jobs to help carry your own weight and build character. I certainly will be working more to support you when I should be thinking about retiring and storing away gold.

#4 Tell the parents (aka egg and sperm donors) in front of the kids (except maybe the 4 year old) You adults have two choices.

Choice #1 Your kids can be legally adopted by me and become my kids and live a decent life in a household where they will be loved. They can inherit what I have equally with my own flesh and blood when I grow old and die. Even if it is only $1000 each, it is more then you have now to give them. When they are 18 AND out of my house, they are then free to contact you, move in with you, or totally ignore you. Otherwise you have a restraining order not to be within the state of OK until that time. As for the choice of contact after 18 years of age, it is up to them though they will still be MY kids.

I suggest you use the time over the coming years to build a life for yourself where you can at least consider inviting them over to your own house for a vacation once they turn 18.

Choice #2 You keep on doing the wonderful job of providing for your kids as you are now, that GOD had entrusted to your care. I wash my hands of the matter. Though you all are welcome at family gatherings as in-laws.

"Without love you got nothing."
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Old 11-07-2018, 01:45 PM   #111 (permalink)
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Regardless of if you are an asshole or not, It's ok to be an asshole.

Your first responsibility is to your immediate family. I know I wouldn't take in some messed up kids if it would compromise the quality of life for my own children and I wouldn't feel bad about it. Quality of life, paying for college, paying for weddings, paying for cars, other things a parent does for their kid. If any of those had to be compromised because you took on additional kids, that's not right or fair to your own kids. If you have to forfeit your retirement funds to pay for them, that's not right or fair to you and your wife.

I have two nephews and they're good kids and my brother and SIL are good people. If something happened to them I would take in my nephews, no different than they'd take in my kids if something happened to my wife and myself. That being said, we have kids the same age and we both have money that would go to supporting the kids so it wouldn't be a financial issue and I wouldn't be compromising my retirement years to be a parent.

I wouldn't take on small children, I wouldn't take on children that don't have any other financial support, and I wouldn't do anything to help a shitbag who has put themselves in a bad situation through their own poor life decisions.
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Old 11-07-2018, 05:53 PM   #112 (permalink)
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The sister in law has 3 kids ranging from about 4 ,7 and 10 years old. She is a piece of shit and the state is gonna take them and i told my wife i didnt want them. My own kids were about 13 years apart with the youngest now being 13 so ive basically been raising a kid for the last 26 years,ill be 50 next year. How big of an asshole does this make me?
The biggest ever. Put them to work in the meth lab or pimp them out. Win ,win.
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Old 11-07-2018, 05:59 PM   #113 (permalink)
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100% agreed. The adoption process is a nightmare and it's why so many end up going through Russia or China to adopt. It's literally easier and cheaper to adopt a kid from the other side of the planet than one from right down the street.
No shit????
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Old 12-31-2018, 05:34 PM   #114 (permalink)
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Well ive had the 3 crotch fruit for about 2 weeks now, im about ready to kick baby puppies but maybe it will be better once school starts. The kids arent necessarily bad kids,im just old and grouchy and its a big adjustment when your household size doubles over nite with 3 kids under the age of ten. So we will see how shit goes. I told the wife this WILL NOT be a permanent situation or my ass will be moving to a trailer out by the pond ,she wasnt amused but knew i was probably serious.
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Old 12-31-2018, 05:55 PM   #115 (permalink)
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I told the wife this WILL NOT be a permanent situation or my ass will be moving to a trailer out by the pond ,she wasnt amused but knew i was probably serious.
Not a van down by the river?
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Old 12-31-2018, 06:14 PM   #116 (permalink)
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Ever notice in every one of these threads for PBB advice, the wife wins?
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Old 12-31-2018, 06:17 PM   #117 (permalink)
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Ever notice in every one of these threads for PBB advice, the wife wins?
lol happy wife happy life but the upside is she is bout ready to pull her hair out too. Although she will never admit it i can see she is questioning her decision.
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Old 01-09-2019, 09:59 AM   #118 (permalink)
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How's the trailer?
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Old 01-09-2019, 10:07 AM   #119 (permalink)
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How will these 3 new kids affect your 13 year old daughter. Will the next 5 to 7 years of her life be negatively impacted? You HAVE TO save for your retirement. If you don't you'll be the states or your kids burden. Will you be able to set enough for you and your wife in the next 20 years of working to raise 4 kids?


Good luck bud. It's a shit sandwich no matter what end you start at.
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Old 01-09-2019, 10:18 AM   #120 (permalink)
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You'll put in all the work of raising them, then they will want to "reconnect" with their biological parents when they turn 18 and the sister has turned over a new leaf after the hard work is done. You'll get zero credit and die resenting them because you never bought the new boat/truck/plane you always wanted.
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Old 01-09-2019, 10:29 AM   #121 (permalink)
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I don't know if your older kid is a female or not, but if so, you will know what I'm talking about. In two years, when your 13 YO hits 15 and goes absolutely crazy, this situation will not help that at all. This WILL happen, be prepared.

Don't worry though. We'll be here to help you through it and tell you "We fucking told ya so! Dumbass!"

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Old 01-09-2019, 11:09 AM   #122 (permalink)
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lol happy wife happy life but the upside is she is bout ready to pull her hair out too. Although she will never admit it i can see she is questioning her decision.
No wife - happier life

In either case that is not an easy thing to deal with regardless, you have my sympathy.

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Old 01-09-2019, 11:35 AM   #123 (permalink)
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I don't know if your older kid is a female or not, but if so, you will know what I'm talking about. In two years, when your 13 YO hits 15 and goes absolutely crazy, this situation will not help that at all. This WILL happen, be prepared.

Don't worry though. We'll be here to help you through it and tell you "We fucking told ya so! Dumbass!"

.


My daughter is 15 and this shit is going to kill me. Crazy is an understatement.
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Old 01-09-2019, 11:46 AM   #124 (permalink)
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My daughter is 15 and this shit is going to kill me. Crazy is an understatement.
that there is your answer. I think you should just let everyone know that you just cannot do it. They'll understand or not, but, you know, when you are on a jet plane and they talk about 'in the event of an emergency' they always say, 'put your oxygen mask on first' because if you can't breathe, you can't save anyone else....

In this case, you know you just aren't able to help... say so. You are doing everyone a service by doing that.
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Old 01-09-2019, 12:01 PM   #125 (permalink)
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My daughter is 15 and this shit is going to kill me. Crazy is an understatement.
(Short thread hijack) She literally is. It's easier when you realize that she is not doing it intentionally. She has no idea how to handle it either. Be supportive. Read this. https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-list...=used&qid=&sr=
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