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Old 11-02-2018, 05:31 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Am i an ass hole?

The sister in law has 3 kids ranging from about 4 ,7 and 10 years old. She is a piece of shit and the state is gonna take them and i told my wife i didnt want them. My own kids were about 13 years apart with the youngest now being 13 so ive basically been raising a kid for the last 26 years,ill be 50 next year. How big of an asshole does this make me?
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Old 11-02-2018, 05:35 AM   #2 (permalink)
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On a 1-10 scale, 5
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Old 11-02-2018, 05:37 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Old 11-02-2018, 05:40 AM   #4 (permalink)
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4.7 Unless you are the baby daddy then it goes to 8.2.
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Old 11-02-2018, 05:40 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Ass hole is one word. So, you're an asshole for spelling ass hole wrong.
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Old 11-02-2018, 05:43 AM   #6 (permalink)
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The sister in law has 3 kids ranging from about 4 ,7 and 10 years old. She is a piece of shit and the state is gonna take them and i told my wife i didnt want them. My own kids were about 13 years apart with the youngest now being 13 so ive basically been raising a kid for the last 26 years,ill be 50 next year. How big of an asshole does this make me?
how is this your fault? why is this your responsibility? You didnt pop these kids out. You didn't knock her up. Yes i understand the "moral dilemma" that you face, but it still isn't your problem.

And where is your brother in all this?
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Old 11-02-2018, 05:51 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Yes, you're an asshole or you wouldn't be a part of the Pirate group. Being an asshole is part of the qualifications...


Considering we're close to the same age, I fully understand you not wanting to take on the responsibility of raising someone else's kids. Do I hate it for the kids? Without a doubt.

Tough spot to be in.
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Old 11-02-2018, 05:53 AM   #8 (permalink)
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It is a tough spot to be in, but I agree with your thinking. I'm assuming that it is your wife's sister, which makes it more difficult from a happy home perspective. Good luck.
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Old 11-02-2018, 05:54 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I could see how your level of care could be 0 but your wifes may be 10. That makes you a 5 on the asshole scalebecause you are no longer on this ride solo.
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Old 11-02-2018, 05:54 AM   #10 (permalink)
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how is this your fault? why is this your responsibility? You didnt pop these kids out. You didn't knock her up. Yes i understand the "moral dilemma" that you face, but it still isn't your problem.

And where is your brother in all this?
I'm guessing it's his wife's sister... It doesn't matter how much of an asshole we think you are, it's how much your wife thinks you are. It's not your problem but you are in a situation where you could step in and help the kids. Keep in mind that if the kids are aware that you had the option to take them, they will resent you for making them go to foster care for the rest of their lives too. Don't know how involved you've been in their lives up to this point or how screwed up the SIL has already made them. Lots of factors to consider..
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Old 11-02-2018, 05:55 AM   #11 (permalink)
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So this is your current wife's sister's kids, right?
Probably tough on her to see her nieces/nephews go to foster care.
Talk about a no-win situation
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Old 11-02-2018, 05:56 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Don't know how involved you've been in their lives up to this point or how screwed up the SIL has already made them. Lots of factors to consider..
This, if they were good kids I would consider taking them in, are there any other family members?
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Old 11-02-2018, 05:58 AM   #13 (permalink)
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any chance the dumb bitch will get her shit together sooner than later?
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Old 11-02-2018, 06:00 AM   #14 (permalink)
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It depends, if you just donít want them, I feel for you, and donít think you are exhibiting any asshole tendencies, if you take them anyways.
If you donít want them, and donít take them, and they end up in foster care, you are an over the top ass hole.
If you donít want them, and someone else takes them, you are not an asshole.
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Old 11-02-2018, 06:03 AM   #15 (permalink)
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If your brother was a deadbeat and going to prison would you subject yourself to raising three of his deadbeat crotch fruit?

I don't think you're an asshole for not wanting to clean up three of your wife's sister's mistakes until you're in your 70s. If you were the baby daddy I'd say you have some responsibility for the mess and should clean it up but if you're not then I don't see this being your problem (well, other than the fact that you married into this train wreck of a family).

I hope your wife has other siblings because there's no winning hear. I'd run some numbers and figure out what a divorce would cost vs raising three kids.

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This, if they were good kids I would consider taking them in, are there any other family members?
She's had 4, 7 and 10yr to fuck them up. There is a very small chance of them being good kids. I highly doubt OP is going to be able to make them into "good kids". If they were "good kids" this thread wouldn't exist.

Last edited by arse_sidewards; 11-02-2018 at 06:11 AM.
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Old 11-02-2018, 06:04 AM   #16 (permalink)
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You can take them and resent your wife for all the bullshit that will ensue.
You can not take them and be resented for all the bullshit that will ensue. Pick one.
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Old 11-02-2018, 06:04 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Old 11-02-2018, 06:06 AM   #18 (permalink)
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As much as your wife needs to take your feelings into this situation, you have to take hers in as well.

Technically those kids are your blood. To just let them rot away in the foster system is a rough deal. But to be perfectly honest, there is a very high chance those kids are long gone before they even get separated.

Tough break, sometimes the man in the relationship has to make the tough choices. Your wife might hate you in the short term, but after a long time will eventually agree with your decision. Such is marriage.

Id give you about a 6/10.
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Old 11-02-2018, 06:08 AM   #19 (permalink)
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So this is your current wife's sister's kids, right?
Probably tough on her to see her nieces/nephews go to foster care.
Talk about a no-win situation
Yes its the wifes sisters kids. They arent too screwed up but they have had no discipline. The sister in laws husband killed himself about 4 months ago,he was the baby daddy to the youngest and the others two's dad sure isnt a model citizen but he seems to be trying to get his shit straight. He takes all three of them for regular visitation. With a good lawyer he may get custody of his two but as the court papers read right now they are taking them away from him too because they say he should have known what condition the kids were living in. Which is partly true but he lives about 3 hours away in another state so im not sure he realized exactly how bad it was. I dont mind taking them temporary until someone gets their shit straight its on a permanent basis im saying no to. At the moment i dont even have a big enough house to hold 4 kids,id have to build on a couple more rooms.
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Old 11-02-2018, 06:12 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Pics of the sister in law's starfish?
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Old 11-02-2018, 06:16 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Is there anyway to get them on a trial basis? Tell them right up front that if they don't act right you are shipping them off to foster care?

I don't have kids but I would take my nieces or any of my friends kids if I needed to, no hesitation, but they are all decent human beings.

If they were the devil spawn that some kids are, I would be hesitant to take them on too.

I would give them a chance, but my tolerance for their BS would be very low, which might be what they need.
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Old 11-02-2018, 06:18 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Tthe others two's dad sure isnt a model citizen but he seems to be trying to get his shit straight. He takes all three of them for regular visitation. With a good lawyer he may get custody of his two but as the court papers read right now they are taking them away from him too because they say he should have known what condition the kids were living in. Which is partly true but he lives about 3 hours away in another state so im not sure he realized exactly how bad it was.
Hire that man a good lawyer. Like get off of Pirate and do it now. It will be a hell of a lot cheaper than raising three kids that aren't yours and cause a hell of lot less conflict than you holding your ground and having them go to foster care.

Him taking the kids is the best possible outcome here.

Last edited by arse_sidewards; 11-02-2018 at 06:19 AM.
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Old 11-02-2018, 06:19 AM   #23 (permalink)
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That is a tough decision to make for sure. Could you foster them and give them back to the SIL once she gets in better shape?
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Old 11-02-2018, 06:19 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Pics of the sister in law's starfish?
Under an hour and its said Out-fuckin-standing
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Old 11-02-2018, 06:20 AM   #25 (permalink)
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Hire that man a good lawyer. Like get off of Pirate and do it now. It will be a hell of a lot cheaper than raising three kids that aren't yours and cause a hell of lot less conflict than you holding your ground and having them go to foster care.
Him taking the kids is the best possible outcome here.
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