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Old 04-25-2019, 11:54 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Outcomes of trespasses... does this ever happen to you?

and what is your strategy.


In relationships with people.. friends, co workers, family members... someone will do or say something that is complete bullshit or a lie or do something that is relatively egregious (like wreck a car and lie about what happened) or shit talk a relative to other relatives about stuff that is nonsense. So, exhibit A, Person A does something they should not and something that is questionable.

When the misdeed is called into question or point it out or dismiss it (verbally, as in 'no, that is not true and I think you know that it is not true')

The whole thing gets flipped around to me and that I shouldn't be so direct or 'well, yeah, they were lying but you shouldn't have called them a 'fucking liar'....

In the end, I end up the 'bad actor' when the piece of shit who 'did the thing' walks away, no apology, no admission of guilt, nada.

it makes me hate people who I know and, in some cases, love. wt actual f?

I really, really hate the 'well, I guess I was wrong about that, but you made me feel really bad when you said I was lying.' that isn't a 'hey, I fucked up, I will remedy that.'

it is a blame that I made them feel bad... da fawk.
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Old 04-25-2019, 12:08 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Depends on the nature of the lie. Does it matter? Are they lying to save their own ass in a situation that doesn't affect you? Are they telling people lies about you?


1) Do nothing (sometimes the cons of calling the person out outweigh the pros).

2) Deflect with humor (acknowledges the lie but gives the liar a chance to admit the dishonesty without fearing you'll retaliate).

3) Play dumb (asking lots of questions to get details can force the liar into admitting the dishonesty without you calling them out).

4) Point out the lie (best done privately with directness).

Edit: 1-4 are shit I copied from some article. I have heard to "leave them an out" though.

.
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Old 04-25-2019, 12:15 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Yep,
Lost a friend, maybe plural even, over some similar BS just this past fall.

Long story short. Parts and tools were "shared" among friends with the premise that anything used was returned for use for others in the group. One person came on hard times and liquidated a vehicle, and lost ownership of another in which these parts were attached. Meanwhile was borrowing tooling to make profit with said tooling with the agreement of a set fee. Additionally, other tools were in their possession but made unavailable to others under the guise of "they are in storage from my move".
One day, the unavailable tools appear in FB photographs, and the fee for borrowing the other tools is still unpaid despite the money having changed hands for the profit venture, and the original parts all bolted to the other projects had not been refunded, replaced, nor anything said. When I made a stink about it I became labeled a "drama queen" and a crazy person for calling out people on their lack of keeping their word. I even, for some stupid reason, apologized for my methodology, however this person, and now their associate, no longer respond to me, and only contact the other friends in the group when they need something. I felt pretty bad about it for a while because I thought I was losing a friend. After further review into the past points of the relationship, I was just a "rent a tool" to them.

Its just the way some people are, and sadly, they are already the victim in their own mind so its pretty easy for everyone else to side with them.

I have only minor regrets and miss only a few things but have found my life needed the change created by the situation.
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Old 04-25-2019, 12:18 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Most families have a liar and everyone already dismisses everything they say. It does however depend on the lie and what its about.

Now us (the wife and I), no one comes to visit simple because we call bullshit when we hear it and that makes us the assholes...which I'm good with. Stay the fuck away...I prefer my wife's company over any of yours anyway.

But the moment they need help, you can bet your ass we'll get a call.
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Old 04-25-2019, 12:23 PM   #5 (permalink)
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My vote = stand up for the truth and never apologize for doing so.

If someone resents the truth being told, they're a piece of shit.

Life's too short to enable dishonest people - they can fuck right off.

Compromise if needed for diplomatic reasons, but that's on you.
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Old 04-25-2019, 12:25 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Those scenarios tend to be the result of having trash people in your life. Surround yourself with better quality people, problem solved.
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Old 04-25-2019, 12:27 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I really, really hate the 'well, I guess I was wrong about that, but you made me feel really bad when you said I was lying.'
Reply with, "I told truth, and will not apologize for that. You should feel really bad for lying. I suggest not lying, so you won't have to feel like a lying piece of shit. Please don't ever ask me to compromise my integrity."
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Old 04-25-2019, 12:29 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Yeah, my strategy is to weed people like that out of my life as much as possible. I read these threads and realize I'm doing a pretty good job at it.
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Old 04-25-2019, 12:30 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by thumping View Post
Most families have a liar and everyone already dismisses everything they say. It does however depend on the lie and what its about.

Now us (the wife and I), no one comes to visit simple because we call bullshit when we hear it and that makes us the assholes...which I'm good with. Stay the fuck away...I prefer my wife's company over any of yours anyway.

But the moment they need help, you can bet your ass we'll get a call.
I could have written this. annoys the shit out of me.
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Old 04-25-2019, 12:31 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by ExWrench View Post
My vote = stand up for the truth and never apologize for doing so.

If someone resents the truth being told, they're a piece of shit.

Life's too short to enable dishonest people - they can fuck right off.

Compromise if needed for diplomatic reasons, but that's on you.
yeah, in this latest interlude, I just said, "I can't apologize when I don't owe one. Your relative fucked up and I called it and I know that you love her and blah blah, but, she is a fuck up. I'm not sorry that I notice it and call it."
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Old 04-25-2019, 12:45 PM   #11 (permalink)
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yeah, in this latest interlude, I just said, "I can't apologize when I don't owe one. Your relative fucked up and I called it and I know that you love her and blah blah, but, she is a fuck up. I'm not sorry that I notice it and call it."
If anyone has a problem with the truth....the truth isn't the problem.
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Old 04-25-2019, 12:48 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Those scenarios tend to be the result of having trash people in your life. Surround yourself with better quality people, problem solved.

this is so true, except family..family can be tough. Have similar issues with my brothers wife. Hate her... makes my blood boil, but I don't want to lose the relationship with my brother. so I bite my tongue when they are around.
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Old 04-25-2019, 12:55 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Depends on work, or personal.

Personal: Everyone gets one(1) free fuckup I will overlook if they are a good friend, if they are less than a good friend then they get the boot, period, no redemption, no forgiveness. If the incident affects me directly, you better believe I am going to go out of my way to fuck with the asshole at every turn.

Work: Fess up, and it is overlooked, hold onto the lie and you better believe suddenly your email inbox is open to your supervisor. Your hours are being directly tracked by HR, and every web page you go to is logged and reported....don't fuck with the IT person, they will destroy your carrier for the most petty or reasons.
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Old 04-25-2019, 12:58 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Sounds like whomever you're talking to is incapable of thinking of themselves beyond victim mentality.

Just my opinion; It's okay to be wrong, it's not okay to be wrong and lie through your teeth about it.
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Old 04-25-2019, 01:22 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I have some easter Sunday bs for you all , I will report back when I get time on the computer. It is probably worthy of its own thread ! But it way to much to do on a phone.
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Old 04-25-2019, 01:23 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Quote:
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I really, really hate the 'well, I guess I was wrong about that, but you made me feel really bad when you said I was lying.' that isn't a 'hey, I fucked up, I will remedy that.'

it is a blame that I made them feel bad... da fawk.
I'm dealing with this right now with a really really close friend and it's tearing me up and tearing us apart. In every other way we get along better than any of my other friends. Right now I don't have a strategy, or even know what I'm going to do with them as a friend. I don't want to lose them as a friend but the petty lies and deception, no matter how small or "meaningless", is a knife in the heart for sure. It's just not necessary.
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Old 04-25-2019, 01:29 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Who needs friends that are liars anyway? Kill that shit ASAP. Kick a few out of your life and the rest learn not to fuck around or they get the same shit.
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Old 04-25-2019, 01:43 PM   #18 (permalink)
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The truth hurts, if you don't like it, too bad. It is what it is. Theres a reason I get invited to very few meetings at work. If I get "invited" to a meeting I know theres something management is afraid to say themselves, I call it like I see it, a spade is a spade, not a shovel and don't try to convince me otherwise cause you'll get my opinion about that as well. (insert grumpy old man smiley who don't give two fucks about your b.s.)

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Old 04-25-2019, 01:53 PM   #19 (permalink)
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yeah, in this latest interlude, I just said, "I can't apologize when I don't owe one. Your relative fucked up and I called it and I know that you love her and blah blah, but, she is a fuck up. I'm not sorry that I notice it and call it."
Perfect. Maybe add "Her discomfort comes from her dishonesty, not my honesty. Integrity is important, and I cannot compromise mine."

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If anyone has a problem with the truth....the truth isn't the problem.
THIS ^^^

Socrates was willing to die for the truth.
I can endure a little social discomfort for the same.
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Old 04-25-2019, 02:01 PM   #20 (permalink)
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I only hang out and share with the same wheeling friends, and it’s a small circle. The rest I just don’t call back, and they figure it out soon enough.

Still have several Fire friends I still trust with my life, but don’t hang out much.

Others have figured out I ran out of fucks to give and don’t even keep them as contacts in my phone.

Several family members rarely see me and they don’t know why. Not my problem. I’m busy and have my own shit to do and the closer I get to 50 the less and less I care about what anybody thinks.

Fuck ‘em, move on, count the losses and tighten up your circle.
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Old 04-25-2019, 02:05 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Yup this is me too. Guests like 3x a year at the most, and they are on the floor. Bought a 2-bedroom house just for this reason. That’s what Hotels are for.

I like dogs better than most people anyway.

Quote:
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thumping View Post
Most families have a liar and everyone already dismisses everything they say. It does however depend on the lie and what its about.

Now us (the wife and I), no one comes to visit simple because we call bullshit when we hear it and that makes us the assholes...which I'm good with. Stay the fuck away...I prefer my wife's company over any of yours anyway. <a href="https://www.pirate4x4.com/forum/images/smilies/thefinger.gif" border="0" alt="" title="flipoff2" >:-)</a>

But the moment they need help, you can bet your ass we'll get a call. <a href="https://www.pirate4x4.com/forum/images/smilies/laughing.gif" border="0" alt="" title="laughing" >:-)</a>
I could have written this. annoys the shit out of me.
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Old 04-25-2019, 02:21 PM   #22 (permalink)
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If anyone has a problem with the truth....the truth isn't the problem.
The problem is most of society today cannot handle the truth. In a quote from Edgar Friendly in Demolition Man " the world has turned into a 51 year old virgin sitting around in his beige pajamas,. while sipping a banana, broccoli shake, singing I'm an Oscar Meyer wiener".

Sad to see or society become this.
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Old 04-25-2019, 02:44 PM   #23 (permalink)
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People try to bullshit me all the time because I'm a good listener...and just as important I don't give a shit....At the worse when the shit starts to get deep I just say I have to go.... and walk away...
There's more than a bit of bullshit on this forum...
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Old 04-25-2019, 05:24 PM   #24 (permalink)
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The problem is most of society today cannot handle the truth . . .
All the more reason to stand up for the truth.
Peer pressure from non-shitbags FTMFW!
Make the effort, embrace the struggle, and make the world better.

Granted, it's not the easiest way to go - doing the right thing rarely is.
Explaining to the fast-food semi-moron that they gave me $1 too much change is frustrating, but I do it.
Just because many people are dishonest pieces of shit doesn't mean I should be one.
Let go of your integrity, and you can rationalize anything - and BTW, fuck you if you do.

It would be easier to not wipe my ass, but I don't want to smell shit, so . . . priorities, man!
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Old 04-26-2019, 02:41 AM   #25 (permalink)
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I don't want to lose them as a friend but the petty lies and deception, no matter how small or "meaningless", is a knife in the heart for sure. It's just not necessary.
Say exactly that.
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