Beyond pissed... - Page 4 - Pirate4x4.Com : 4x4 and Off-Road Forum
 
Pirate4x4.Com : 4x4 and Off-Road Forum  

Go Back   Pirate4x4.Com : 4x4 and Off-Road Forum > Miscellaneous > General Chit-Chat
Notices

Reply
 
Share LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 06-12-2019, 09:58 PM   #76 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2004
Member # 31211
Location: Montrose, CO
Posts: 1,224
Also, call me old school, but the physical aspect of a relationship is pretty sacred to me. I can forgive just about anything for my wife, but not sure if I could ever really move past being cheated on. My wife and I have discussed this in conversation in the past, and really on the same page. I think sex is the most monumental physical expression of love in a relationship (the rest is pretty much non-tangible), so maybe this is why it means so much. It's not ownership of your partner, it's respecting them enough to not break that sacred commitment and trust.

On the other hand, if someone messed with one of our kids and she throat punched and killed a bitch, and then told me what happened, I would fire up the mini excavator and starting digging a hole. I'm kind of a ride or die mutha fucka I guess. Hence being so torn up for my buddy.
charlieboyd65 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-12-2019, 09:59 PM   #77 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2016
Member # 673218
Location: North Shore/Mass
Posts: 463
Quote:
Originally Posted by charlieboyd65 View Post
He says, "The messed up thing is that I've been trying to get her to ski with me in CO for 13 years and she never wanted to." Sad...

That fucking hurts

Sent from my LM-G820 using Tapatalk
Mighty Mats is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-12-2019, 10:52 PM   #78 (permalink)
Meet me at the bar
 
crowbar7's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Member # 346233
Location: Ramona, CA
Posts: 1,156
dntsdad gets it charlieboy does not. If you have never been a fulltime caregiver to your life partner you have no idea how that changes the dynamics of your relationship. What she did was wrong but not unexcusable. I came very close to cheating on my wife but didn't. She feels I did calling it an "emotional affair". Basically I had become close with a woman who was going through the same thing with her husband as me with my wife. We could lean on each other and relate, empathy instead of sympathy.

If you have not lived through this you will never understand. My daily routine was get kids up make breakfast get to school, take care of wifes morning needs, go to work, come home and pick up kids, take care of wifes midday needs, go to work, come home make dinner get kids through night time routine and take care of wifes evening needs then go back to work for a few more hours. Lucky to get 5hrs sleep. Not to mention dr appointments and kids activities. It is fucking hell.

At first you get a lot of support from people but they have lives and move on and you are literally left alone. How the fuck would you feel if you did everything and when you made dinner your spouse says you made it wrong, "well maybe I did but I'm a mechanic not a chef". My wife was so physically miserable that she was incapable of thankfulness and complained about everything. I take my marriage vows very seriously but that does not mean I am superman. Everybody has limits.

When I met this other woman we became close and she was the only person I could talk to that understood what I was going through. I could have poked her but I didn't though it was progressing to that. Then a couple years ago my wife was in the hospital and the dr told me it was 50/50 if she makes it through the night( I started a thread here asking you all for prayers). I was a complete mess crying like a baby in the hospital. I am still friends with the other woman but not the same if that makes sense.

My wife is doing better now but still disabled. Life will never be what it used to be and I have accepted that but it still sucks. You who pass judgement just don't get it. I have never openly talked about this before but felt moved to do so.
__________________
I love God, women and beer
crowbar7 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-12-2019, 10:54 PM   #79 (permalink)
Circus Ring ******
 
Bubba the Red's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2019
Member # 867108
Location: State of Discombobulation
Posts: 29
cb65, your buddy has a good friend in you, and your wife a good man. Keep being that. I wish your friend better health and you the best.
__________________
"If ever I meet one of you Texas waddies who ain't drunk water from a hoofprint, I think I'll... I'll shake their hand or buy 'em a Daniel Webster cigar."

John Wayne
True Grit
Bubba the Red is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-12-2019, 11:07 PM   #80 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2004
Member # 31211
Location: Montrose, CO
Posts: 1,224
Quote:
Originally Posted by crowbar7 View Post
dntsdad gets it charlieboy does not. If you have never been a fulltime caregiver to your life partner you have no idea how that changes the dynamics of your relationship. What she did was wrong but not unexcusable. I came very close to cheating on my wife but didn't. She feels I did calling it an "emotional affair". Basically I had become close with a woman who was going through the same thing with her husband as me with my wife. We could lean on each other and relate, empathy instead of sympathy.

If you have not lived through this you will never understand. My daily routine was get kids up make breakfast get to school, take care of wifes morning needs, go to work, come home and pick up kids, take care of wifes midday needs, go to work, come home make dinner get kids through night time routine and take care of wifes evening needs then go back to work for a few more hours. Lucky to get 5hrs sleep. Not to mention dr appointments and kids activities. It is fucking hell.

At first you get a lot of support from people but they have lives and move on and you are literally left alone. How the fuck would you feel if you did everything and when you made dinner your spouse says you made it wrong, "well maybe I did but I'm a mechanic not a chef". My wife was so physically miserable that she was incapable of thankfulness and complained about everything. I take my marriage vows very seriously but that does not mean I am superman. Everybody has limits.

When I met this other woman we became close and she was the only person I could talk to that understood what I was going through. I could have poked her but I didn't though it was progressing to that. Then a couple years ago my wife was in the hospital and the dr told me it was 50/50 if she makes it through the night( I started a thread here asking you all for prayers). I was a complete mess crying like a baby in the hospital. I am still friends with the other woman but not the same if that makes sense.

My wife is doing better now but still disabled. Life will never be what it used to be and I have accepted that but it still sucks. You who pass judgement just don't get it. I have never openly talked about this before but felt moved to do so.
Actually, I do get it. Even said so in my recent post. I'm not saying he should not forgive her. I'm saying, I'm not sure I personally could. But as others have said, we wouldn't know if we were in the situation unless it happened.

My friend is not disabled. He is not bedridden. He did not require anywhere near the same level of care as others have mentioned. He couldn't leave the house for a while or drive, but actually was pretty strong in the beginning. And, he is feeling stronger now. The 4 months or so in the middle, seemed like the worst probably.

Anyway, I haven't called his wife any names, or said she's a piece of shit, just said it is a really shitty deal for my buddy and his family. Should everyone just say, hey it's okay it's just stress. Homie feels like shit, looks death in the face everyday, still works and provides for his family and wants to love them the best he can because the future is very uncertain. Are we to feel more sorry for her than him?

Actions have consequences. Ever had someone make you so mad, you thought, I really want to just beat the shit out of this person? Did you? Most people don't act on it. Of course, the feelings are very real, does that mean it's okay to just act on it? And, then lie about it, and continue to try to cover it up. Shit, even if it happened one night in the heat of passion, it's still shitty, but to continue on with it and lie? Sure, it's all good. No big deal...
charlieboyd65 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-12-2019, 11:15 PM   #81 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Member # 53528
Location: norcal
Posts: 15,176
this is where that saying "theres always two sides to a story" fits right


i see it from both sides, both are wrong but both are right, shitty deal. life lessons for all of us to learn from
rockyota83 is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-12-2019, 11:15 PM   #82 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2004
Member # 31211
Location: Montrose, CO
Posts: 1,224
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bubba the Red View Post
cb65, your buddy has a good friend in you, and your wife a good man. Keep being that. I wish your friend better health and you the best.
Thanks man. You know, when I heard the news of his cancer a year ago, it really hit home. Both into wheeling/fabricating, both in mid thirties with families, both self employed and generally doing okay. Then, I hear the news of his cancer and realize, fuck this could have been me or anyone one of my other good friends with wife and kids. It all seems like this could happen to me. Cancer, heart attack, whatever... We're not invincible/bulletproof anymore. We have to plan to take care of our families if we're not around.

So, fast forward a year (to yesterday), and I hear about his marriage and the cheating, and it really just breaks my heart. You know, he's been fighting like hell, and now he has this to deal with.
charlieboyd65 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-12-2019, 11:17 PM   #83 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2004
Member # 31211
Location: Montrose, CO
Posts: 1,224
Again, I'm not saying she's the devil. Just saying, great let's kick my buddy in the dick one more time just when starts to think there might a chance at living longer than his initial prognosis. Just when he is building optimism and energy to keep pushing, this happens. Even, the best of us, in good health with no other major glaring issues would probably get kicked down a few rungs with this kind of situation. But hey, she needed some comfort. So does my fucking friend, and she just took that away.
charlieboyd65 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-12-2019, 11:33 PM   #84 (permalink)
The dude abides
 
DEER TICK's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Member # 114517
Location: Grass Valley
Posts: 1,350
Beyond pissed...

She’s a piece of shit whore. Any human that would do that to someone in his position , that they “love”, deserves to get strung up and gutted alive.
__________________
Opinions are like assholes.Everybody has one,and most stink!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Last edited by DEER TICK; 06-12-2019 at 11:34 PM. Reason: Punctuation
DEER TICK is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-12-2019, 11:46 PM   #85 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2004
Member # 31211
Location: Montrose, CO
Posts: 1,224
Quote:
Originally Posted by DEER TICK View Post
She’s a piece of shit whore. Any human that would do that to someone in his position , that they “love”, deserves to get strung up and gutted alive.
Worse, it will eat away at her for the rest of her life. Kind of similar to survivor's remorse, but probably worse. I think she was a good person, that was in a tough situation, that made a very bad choice. But, that shit can't just be erased. If my buddy forgives her fine, that's his choice. But, I guarantee it will stay with her and fuck with her. More importantly and unfortunately, it will stay with the family (ie the kids). One is barely a toddler, but the other three are 10 and older. Old enough to somewhat get it and remember, and hold hard feelings.
charlieboyd65 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-13-2019, 12:10 AM   #86 (permalink)
Meet me at the bar
 
crowbar7's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Member # 346233
Location: Ramona, CA
Posts: 1,156
Quote:
Originally Posted by charlieboyd65 View Post
Actually, I do get it. Even said so in my recent post. I'm not saying he should not forgive her. I'm saying, I'm not sure I personally could. But as others have said, we wouldn't know if we were in the situation unless it happened.

My friend is not disabled. He is not bedridden. He did not require anywhere near the same level of care as others have mentioned. He couldn't leave the house for a while or drive, but actually was pretty strong in the beginning. And, he is feeling stronger now. The 4 months or so in the middle, seemed like the worst probably.

Anyway, I haven't called his wife any names, or said she's a piece of shit, just said it is a really shitty deal for my buddy and his family. Should everyone just say, hey it's okay it's just stress. Homie feels like shit, looks death in the face everyday, still works and provides for his family and wants to love them the best he can because the future is very uncertain. Are we to feel more sorry for her than him?

Actions have consequences. Ever had someone make you so mad, you thought, I really want to just beat the shit out of this person? Did you? Most people don't act on it. Of course, the feelings are very real, does that mean it's okay to just act on it? And, then lie about it, and continue to try to cover it up. Shit, even if it happened one night in the heat of passion, it's still shitty, but to continue on with it and lie? Sure, it's all good. No big deal...
You can say you get it all you want but you do not get it. In an earlier post you called her a coward. You are upset and understandably so because what she did is fucked up but that does not mean you get it.
__________________
I love God, women and beer
crowbar7 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-13-2019, 12:19 AM   #87 (permalink)
Zeus of the Sluice
 
dntsdad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Member # 125937
Location: Central, Ca.
Posts: 4,556
Quote:
Originally Posted by crowbar7 View Post
dntsdad gets it charlieboy does not. If you have never been a fulltime caregiver to your life partner you have no idea how that changes the dynamics of your relationship. What she did was wrong but not unexcusable. I came very close to cheating on my wife but didn't. She feels I did calling it an "emotional affair". Basically I had become close with a woman who was going through the same thing with her husband as me with my wife. We could lean on each other and relate, empathy instead of sympathy.

If you have not lived through this you will never understand. My daily routine was get kids up make breakfast get to school, take care of wifes morning needs, go to work, come home and pick up kids, take care of wifes midday needs, go to work, come home make dinner get kids through night time routine and take care of wifes evening needs then go back to work for a few more hours. Lucky to get 5hrs sleep. Not to mention dr appointments and kids activities. It is fucking hell.

At first you get a lot of support from people but they have lives and move on and you are literally left alone. How the fuck would you feel if you did everything and when you made dinner your spouse says you made it wrong, "well maybe I did but I'm a mechanic not a chef". My wife was so physically miserable that she was incapable of thankfulness and complained about everything. I take my marriage vows very seriously but that does not mean I am superman. Everybody has limits.

When I met this other woman we became close and she was the only person I could talk to that understood what I was going through. I could have poked her but I didn't though it was progressing to that. Then a couple years ago my wife was in the hospital and the dr told me it was 50/50 if she makes it through the night( I started a thread here asking you all for prayers). I was a complete mess crying like a baby in the hospital. I am still friends with the other woman but not the same if that makes sense.

My wife is doing better now but still disabled. Life will never be what it used to be and I have accepted that but it still sucks. You who pass judgement just don't get it. I have never openly talked about this before but felt moved to do so.
Prayers to you my friend.

I truly DO understand how you feel, although I can honestly say that my wife was never angry at me, God, or anything else. That would have made everything even tougher to deal with.

Unfortunately for me, I am not sure that I ever left that cycle of life that started with diagnosis even though she has been gone for 1 1/2 years about. So weird to say/type that cause that just hit me and now I have tears in my eyes..........Ok I am back. The cycle I mean....I transferred from a husband to a caregiver, and then my wife and my patient were gone. I lost both if that makes sense. I lost a purpose it felt and feels like. I don't think that has ever gone away. I have never transitioned to MY life.

Not sure if that makes sense or not.

I hope that things pick up for you, that find a sense of peace as you move forward.

If you ever want to chat, PM me your number. I can call 24/7 and talk as long as a little teenage girl.
__________________
Long days and pleasant nights
dntsdad is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-13-2019, 12:29 AM   #88 (permalink)
Zeus of the Sluice
 
dntsdad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Member # 125937
Location: Central, Ca.
Posts: 4,556
Quote:
Originally Posted by crowbar7 View Post
You can say you get it all you want but you do not get it. In an earlier post you called her a coward. You are upset and understandably so because what she did is fucked up but that does not mean you get it.
I was going to say the same thing a couple of times as the OP has repeated that he "gets it".

I am not trying to sound like a martyr or anything but until you've been there, you don't "get it".

Similarly, you also don't get the fear and pain your friend has, even though he may tell you about it.

I don't "get" the fear of being in combat just because someone told me about it, or I saw a movie.

What your friend's wife did was fucked up. Really fucked up. And you are correct, if she has any amount of humanity, that her actions will haunt her for a long time......although I hope not forever.

Being that her person of choice was a younger, college-aged kid, I would imagine that she got the double whammy of the traditional "look.....a younger guy still finds me attractive" coupled with the lonely feeling of being a caretaker. A perfect storm.

I'd say support your friend and he needs, and deserves, it more than her. he didn't choose anything when she did.

However, give grace as you can to her today, and moving forward. After your friend and his glioblastoma run their course together, she will need support for her and children.
__________________
Long days and pleasant nights
dntsdad is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-13-2019, 12:41 AM   #89 (permalink)
Registered User
 
gregj50's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Member # 151818
Location: lake tapps
Posts: 209
Sweep the Fkn driveway and there’s always a rock left behind, that guaranteed you will Fkn step on!!!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
gregj50 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-13-2019, 12:46 AM   #90 (permalink)
Meet me at the bar
 
crowbar7's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Member # 346233
Location: Ramona, CA
Posts: 1,156
Quote:
Originally Posted by gregj50 View Post
Sweep the Fkn driveway and there’s always a rock left behind, that guaranteed you will Fkn step on!!!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Please from the bottom of my heart STFUGreg.
__________________
I love God, women and beer
crowbar7 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-13-2019, 01:50 AM   #91 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2004
Member # 31211
Location: Montrose, CO
Posts: 1,224
Quote:
Originally Posted by dntsdad View Post
I was going to say the same thing a couple of times as the OP has repeated that he "gets it".

I am not trying to sound like a martyr or anything but until you've been there, you don't "get it".

Similarly, you also don't get the fear and pain your friend has, even though he may tell you about it.

I don't "get" the fear of being in combat just because someone told me about it, or I saw a movie.

What your friend's wife did was fucked up. Really fucked up. And you are correct, if she has any amount of humanity, that her actions will haunt her for a long time......although I hope not forever.

Being that her person of choice was a younger, college-aged kid, I would imagine that she got the double whammy of the traditional "look.....a younger guy still finds me attractive" coupled with the lonely feeling of being a caretaker. A perfect storm.

I'd say support your friend and he needs, and deserves, it more than her. he didn't choose anything when she did.

However, give grace as you can to her today, and moving forward. After your friend and his glioblastoma run their course together, she will need support for her and children.
Maybe their is a communication fail on my part here. Maybe I should say that "I understand" as opposed to "I get it." Like saying, I sympathize as opposed to empathize. It has not happened to me (fortunately), so I cannot say I know what it feels like. However, I can understand the rationale behind her decisions. Maybe saying she was a coward was harsh. Maybe I should just say what she did is seriously fucked up, and has some serious consequences beyond just herself.

To you and crowbar, I am sincerely sorry for your loss. And no, I cannot empathize with what you have been through. But, I feel for you and hope the best for you both. Life can be tough and unfair. That is for sure.
charlieboyd65 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-13-2019, 01:51 AM   #92 (permalink)
Rednek
 
billybob_81067's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Member # 52387
Location: Rocky Ford, Colorado
Posts: 8,695
Send a message via AIM to billybob_81067 Send a message via MSN to billybob_81067 Send a message via Yahoo to billybob_81067
Quote:
Originally Posted by Action Fab View Post
Anyway, it leads me to think biologically we're predestined to seek out multiple partners and it's monogamy that makes calm citizens who can conduct business without rampant warring. I don't think a healthy society is possible without monogamy.
That would explain why black societies aren't healthy or able to conduct business without rampant warring...

You Racist!
__________________
The one, the only, the Dane.
billybob_81067 is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-13-2019, 01:52 AM   #93 (permalink)
E. Spengler
 
Subybaja's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Member # 206384
Location: Spenard, Alaska
Posts: 3,787
Quote:
Originally Posted by dntsdad View Post
I don't "get" the fear of being in combat just because someone told me about it, or I saw a movie. .
Funny you mentioned that, as it's the exact example I was thinking of.

Would everyone be making Reddit cry-faces for a deserter who abandoned his post and sworn oath? Maybe his squad-mates needed him in a dire time, but it was stressful and frightening! I guess it wasn't the right decision, but you have to consider his mental state when he went AWOL, not just brand him a coward and deserter. Unless you were there, under fire, you can't judge.

Horseshit.

She didn't have the guts to buckle down and pull through a hard time.
She didn't have the decency and respect to walk away.
She should be judged as a failure.

Eta this, which I fully agree with:

Quote:
To you and crowbar, I am sincerely sorry for your loss. And no, I cannot empathize with what you have been through. But, I feel for you and hope the best for you both. Life can be tough and unfair. That is for sure.
__________________
We had part of a slinky. But I straightened it.

Last edited by Subybaja; 06-13-2019 at 01:54 AM.
Subybaja is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-13-2019, 05:01 AM   #94 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Member # 85771
Location: Minnysooota
Posts: 18,412
Quote:
Originally Posted by DEER TICK View Post
She’s a piece of shit whore. Any human that would do that to someone in his position , that they “love”, deserves to get strung up and gutted alive.




I hate goddamn deer ticks but you are alright.
__________________
Make Forums Great Again!
ky scrambled is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-18-2019, 04:20 PM   #95 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Schly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Member # 2741
Location: Santa Rosa, CA
Posts: 20,143
Man, my wife had a brain stem stroke. She was completely debilitated for a couple months and partially debilitated for many months after that. It's been years now and she's still not the same.

The last thing on my mind was cheating. The FIRST thing on my mind was making sure my wife's needs were met every single day.

She had to learn to speak, walk, drive, write, etc. ALL over again. Not once did cheating ever even cross my mind.

Fuck your friends wife. She's a cheating cunt.
Schly is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Pirate4x4.Com : 4x4 and Off-Road Forum forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

** A VERIFICATION EMAIL IS SENT TO THIS ADDRESS TO COMPLETE REGISTRATION!! **

Email Address:
Insurance
Please select your insurance company (Optional)

Log-in


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:34 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2019 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2019 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.