Originally Posted by crowbar7
dntsdad gets it charlieboy does not. If you have never been a fulltime caregiver to your life partner you have no idea how that changes the dynamics of your relationship. What she did was wrong but not unexcusable. I came very close to cheating on my wife but didn't. She feels I did calling it an "emotional affair". Basically I had become close with a woman who was going through the same thing with her husband as me with my wife. We could lean on each other and relate, empathy instead of sympathy.
If you have not lived through this you will never understand. My daily routine was get kids up make breakfast get to school, take care of wifes morning needs, go to work, come home and pick up kids, take care of wifes midday needs, go to work, come home make dinner get kids through night time routine and take care of wifes evening needs then go back to work for a few more hours. Lucky to get 5hrs sleep. Not to mention dr appointments and kids activities. It is fucking hell.
At first you get a lot of support from people but they have lives and move on and you are literally left alone. How the fuck would you feel if you did everything and when you made dinner your spouse says you made it wrong, "well maybe I did but I'm a mechanic not a chef". My wife was so physically miserable that she was incapable of thankfulness and complained about everything. I take my marriage vows very seriously but that does not mean I am superman. Everybody has limits.
When I met this other woman we became close and she was the only person I could talk to that understood what I was going through. I could have poked her but I didn't though it was progressing to that. Then a couple years ago my wife was in the hospital and the dr told me it was 50/50 if she makes it through the night( I started a thread here asking you all for prayers). I was a complete mess crying like a baby in the hospital. I am still friends with the other woman but not the same if that makes sense.
My wife is doing better now but still disabled. Life will never be what it used to be and I have accepted that but it still sucks. You who pass judgement just don't get it. I have never openly talked about this before but felt moved to do so.
Actually, I do get it. Even said so in my recent post. I'm not saying he should not forgive her. I'm saying, I'm not sure I personally could. But as others have said, we wouldn't know if we were in the situation unless it happened.
My friend is not disabled. He is not bedridden. He did not require anywhere near the same level of care as others have mentioned. He couldn't leave the house for a while or drive, but actually was pretty strong in the beginning. And, he is feeling stronger now. The 4 months or so in the middle, seemed like the worst probably.
Anyway, I haven't called his wife any names, or said she's a piece of shit, just said it is a really shitty deal for my buddy and his family. Should everyone just say, hey it's okay it's just stress. Homie feels like shit, looks death in the face everyday, still works and provides for his family and wants to love them the best he can because the future is very uncertain. Are we to feel more sorry for her than him?
Actions have consequences. Ever had someone make you so mad, you thought, I really want to just beat the shit out of this person? Did you? Most people don't act on it. Of course, the feelings are very real, does that mean it's okay to just act on it? And, then lie about it, and continue to try to cover it up. Shit, even if it happened one night in the heat of passion, it's still shitty, but to continue on with it and lie? Sure, it's all good. No big deal...