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Old 07-10-2019, 11:31 AM   #51 (permalink)
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I did the math and got the 2nd income down to less than $300/mo of realized income without getting to tax brackets and including the changes to health insurance.
Yep. I was aggravated because I basically worked a month for free. My wife is a CPA and does taxes for a living. I told her to run the numbers and see when I had worked too long and put us in the next tax bracket so we could maximize income while not working for free. I knew I was not working and being on call Thanksgiving and Christmas so I had a drop dead date in mind. She told me we would be fine, she had checked, etc. Yep, when it came tax time and I was going over our stuff I caught it. I still remind her regularly about me putting up with an extra month of crap for FREE.
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Old 07-10-2019, 11:37 AM   #52 (permalink)
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Find a way for the wife to stay home.

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just need to keep better tabs on where they leave tools.
I've found plenty of nuts and bolts where they don't belong. (inside new radiators and stuff like that).

I chased a flat tire issue on my dirt bike for awhile before I realized there was an allen wrench inbetween the tire and tube. Hah

Everything takes longer with the kids but it's still worth it even when they wreck stuff.
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Old 07-10-2019, 11:38 AM   #53 (permalink)
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Old 07-10-2019, 11:43 AM   #54 (permalink)
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At 2.5 she’s recently started to ask to help to fix our cars and her favorite car to ride in is my POS Scout.
It's nice living in the south were fullwidth beat to hell trail rigs are street legal.

My kids love my POS and want to ride in it all the time. Sometimes we run errands, sometimes we just cruise around.
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Old 07-10-2019, 12:58 PM   #55 (permalink)
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looking for tips on simplifying life or quite possibly a reality check that its pretty simple.
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Im not trying to be a dick and minimize your perceived stress, but your week sounds pretty laid back.
see what i said in my original post. by no means am i saying my life is complicated or stressful at this point. what i am saying is that in this transitional season the wife and i make good money and finally are debt free after about 5 years with some wild fluctuations in income. my income is double what it was last year with no overtime. im looking for ways to utilize my income to simplify my life a little. last year there was some serious stress/tension between the wife, but that had more to do with my job then anything. funny how working more at a job she 'values' is no big deal, when before its was a problem. another topic for another day.

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Also tossing my hat into the stay at home parent ring... kinda.

We have a 2 year old. I make too much money at my job to stay at home. My wife is a teacher, but because she's been teaching for 14 years(started at 21) and has a masters degree, her salary was high enough that it is still more cost effective to put our kid in daycare than stay at home. Instead, she and another teacher who also just had a baby in her district opted to team teach. My wife works 2 days a week and the other teacher works 3. We still took a hit on income, but it's awesome to have her home with our son 3 days a week. We have a sitter for the other two during the school year.

With one kid so far who isn't old enough to be doing school, sports, ect. I know our life is easy so far. Wife is already talking about kid number two and I'm over here wondering how the heck I'm going to be able to chase more than one of these things around at the same time.
there was another teacher she did some long term subbing for when she was getting her credential that she considered doing it with that would have worked well (simpler personalities) but the district killed co-teaching and that other teachers quit teaching and makes a bunch of money selling fancy cookies now.

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As many have said above do the math and you will likely be surprised at how little of that 2nd income is actually coming home.
child care is currently around ~14% of my income (the lower of the two), so its really hard to justify the wife or i not working from a purely numbers game.

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They keep each other occupied.

Sometimes they occupy each other by fighting, sometimes by working together, plotting against you...
ahh the look on my wifes face when i walk in the door whiles shes making dinner tells the whole story. its all good or all bad, no in between. the youngest is mobile an is making dinner a challenge for her since she is too slow to play with the other two so she entertains herself. shes 13 months and i got this from the wife the other day.

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It's nice living in the south were fullwidth beat to hell trail rigs are street legal.

My kids love my POS and want to ride in it all the time. Sometimes we run errands, sometimes we just cruise around.
this is almost daily conversation
kids - we want to ride in the bronco
me - you guys broke by sticking tools in the wheel
kids - you should fix it
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Old 07-10-2019, 01:20 PM   #56 (permalink)
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My schedule looks almost identical to yours. My kids are 2 and 5 and into gymnastics and swimming and other shit. it sort of sucks during the week when you get up, get out the door, get home, eat and get them to bed. seems like there's no time for anything else. We don't spend a ton of money on shit, but one thing we did was hire a house cleaning service. i figured for a couple of hundred $$ a month, i don't have to clean my house AND i get those few hours back, its totally worth the money to me. Otherwise, its just a family calendar to keep things straight.

My jeep rarely gets worked on anymore. the dirtbike hasn't moved in months (although my daughter just got a pw50). but my 2 year old "helped" me mow the lawn last night with his little mower and it was a good time.

Staying at home was never a plan for either of us. it was partially too expensive where we used to live, but we both didn't have the patience to e with the little ones all day everyday. They love going to daycare to see their friends so they don't care either way.








***totally off topic- you post on pinkbike under the same user name? just noticed today reading the comments
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Old 07-10-2019, 01:20 PM   #57 (permalink)
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How do people who work long hours do it? We both work 12's, I leave the house at 4:30am and am home at 7PM, she leaves at 6:30AM and is home at 8PM. Do some day cares work with long hours?

I have to work 14 days a month, she has to work 12 day a month so we can probably cover most days but there would be 1-2 a week we'd need child care for. There's a decent chance she would go to part time but just seeing if anyone makes it work with dumb hours. We are a couple years out from having kids and should be in a place to make it work with about 1.5 incomes instead of the 2. Neither of us have family here.
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Old 07-10-2019, 01:40 PM   #58 (permalink)
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How do people who work long hours do it? We both work 12's, I leave the house at 4:30am and am home at 7PM, she leaves at 6:30AM and is home at 8PM. Do some day cares work with long hours?

I have to work 14 days a month, she has to work 12 day a month so we can probably cover most days but there would be 1-2 a week we'd need child care for. There's a decent chance she would go to part time but just seeing if anyone makes it work with dumb hours. We are a couple years out from having kids and should be in a place to make it work with about 1.5 incomes instead of the 2. Neither of us have family here.
I work your shift (7am-7pm) and my wife is an RN and works from home normal 8:30-5 mon-fri. On my days off I have the kids all day. Days I work they go to a hybrid day care/pre K center. This place is absolutely badass and my kids are no doubt better/smarter humans for going there. They go 2 days one week, 3 days the next. Wife gets off work, goes and gets them, comes home and has supper ready for me by 7:30 (I live close to work).

If she worked 2/2/3 like I did we couldn't have kids.
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Old 07-10-2019, 02:32 PM   #59 (permalink)
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My schedule looks almost identical to yours. My kids are 2 and 5 and into gymnastics and swimming and other shit. it sort of sucks during the week when you get up, get out the door, get home, eat and get them to bed. seems like there's no time for anything else. We don't spend a ton of money on shit, but one thing we did was hire a house cleaning service. i figured for a couple of hundred $$ a month, i don't have to clean my house AND i get those few hours back, its totally worth the money to me. Otherwise, its just a family calendar to keep things straight.

My jeep rarely gets worked on anymore. the dirtbike hasn't moved in months (although my daughter just got a pw50). but my 2 year old "helped" me mow the lawn last night with his little mower and it was a good time.

Staying at home was never a plan for either of us. it was partially too expensive where we used to live, but we both didn't have the patience to e with the little ones all day everyday. They love going to daycare to see their friends so they don't care either way.


***totally off topic- you post on pinkbike under the same user name? just noticed today reading the comments
lawn guy is coming soon because i hate doing it and my wife get spastic if the long gets long. growing up her dad easily spent 5-6 hrs a week on the yard, not happening here. getting my wife to buy groceries from one place saving the hassle of running around town would be nice. not sure i could sell her on a cleaning service, but that would be nice.

sure do
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Old 07-10-2019, 02:40 PM   #60 (permalink)
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lawn guy is coming soon because i hate doing it and my wife get spastic if the long gets long. growing up her dad easily spent 5-6 hrs a week on the yard, not happening here. getting my wife to buy groceries from one place saving the hassle of running around town would be nice. not sure i could sell her on a cleaning service, but that would be nice.

sure do
Not sure if you can do this and being single it never crossed my mind, but was at a buddies place on a ranch this week. They buy groceries once per month and use the pickup service at Walmart (or Sams or Costco). Would take a bit of planning but I can see it saving some time.
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Old 07-10-2019, 02:47 PM   #61 (permalink)
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Not sure if you can do this and being single it never crossed my mind, but was at a buddies place on a ranch this week. They buy groceries once per month and use the pickup service at Walmart (or Sams or Costco). Would take a bit of planning but I can see it saving some time.
the problem with have ran into with shopping for more then a week at a time is fruit/veggies spoil before we eat them. the carb at dinner is the only thing that is 'processed'. everything else is real food and we only eat out a few times a month.
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Old 07-10-2019, 02:55 PM   #62 (permalink)
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ah yeah, they have a garden or can everything.
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Old 07-10-2019, 03:59 PM   #63 (permalink)
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A job isn't only a paycheck. Some folks need to be around grown ups
I can attest to this Chris. My wife was stay at home for about 12-13 years. Now that we bought our first house, we decided we only wanted to be "this much" poor and that she would need to get back to work. My wife was getting bogged down with kids kids kids, laundry laundry laundy, dinner dinner dinner, repeat repeat repeat. Getting back to work really helped her. Not sure if it was getting time away from the kids, the social part of being around adults more, getting out of the house, contributing monetarily to the houshold, or all of the above. But its much better now that she is back to work. Whatever you do, don't go all OJ Simpson on us.
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Old 07-10-2019, 04:13 PM   #64 (permalink)
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Welcome to the kids rat race, my take isn't perfect but it is at least keeping me and the wife liking each other most days. We're also lucky enough that our oldest is 12 now and can stay home alone and also take care of his younger sister, that's a HUGE game changer honestly.

We do Hello Fresh two meals a week, no stress in thinking about what to thaw out, get, make etc. for those two nights. 1 night a week is family pizza night (usually Friday night). We have a house cleaner once a week and do online grocery orders that we just pickup at the side door of the store.

I'm lucky that my wife owns her business and wants to be the mom that takes off work to do teeth cleanings, Dr. appts., etc. I try my best to keep my work world down to 8:00 to 5:30 M-F. She spends a good amount of time "working" at home at night but always has the TV on in front of her so that's not super productive time.

I have limited time for outside activities but force time in the winter to snowmobile and have just accepted the fact that I only get to go wheeling two or three times per year now. I spend money on food service or cleaning services to acquire time, I have put my work last enough times that I might have hampered advancement in my company but I also don't care because I've spent some good times with my family.

The one thing I have tried hard to do the last few years is to make every second count, when I'm at work I'm working and trying not to solve home problems, when I'm home I try not to solve work problems. Everything is a trade off.
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Old 07-10-2019, 04:56 PM   #65 (permalink)
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I'm following this thread half ass paying attention while my 2yr old tries to put on the 4yr olds shoes
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Old 07-11-2019, 10:31 AM   #66 (permalink)
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the problem with have ran into with shopping for more then a week at a time is fruit/veggies spoil before we eat them. the carb at dinner is the only thing that is 'processed'. everything else is real food and we only eat out a few times a month.
Can you do peapod or insta cart for grocery delivery?
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Old 07-12-2019, 02:31 PM   #67 (permalink)
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I have been lucky. When my wife and I had our first son, 30 years ago, she worked for the first year. He had an amazing caregiver so it made it easy. My wife and I were both making a little more than the annual average family income at the time. She worked until we had enough to buy our first house, together. I already had a townhouse, but it had not accrued any equity. The day our house closed, was the day she quit, and never went back to work. We did it that way, because of the screwed up way home loans, and ability to pay are calculated. There was a time when we contemplated her going back to work, but after running the numbers, we were better off financially by her providing day care for some other people in the neighborhood. My wife rocked the stay at home mom thing, but had an executive level position before she quit. I was working a union warehouse job.
Now, 30 years later, I own my own business, that was started, on the side, after she quit to just give us a little more breathing room. After 7 or 8 years, it got to where it paid better than my regular job, so I quit, and she did the books.
So, what were the benefits of her staying home? My kids were always well cared for. When they were in school, she volunteered and knew every single teacher they had on a personal level. She was also able to track, and participate in whatever club they chose to be in. Two of our kids were national merit scholars, read, full university tuition, with a stipend. Three of them either have a masters, or are in the process of getting a masters or higher. One just got accepted to nursing school. They are decent human beings, and I am certain that a lot of it was just because their mom was home when they got home, was able to check up on them, and let them know she cares. Also because she was home, I was able to work when I needed to, sometimes it would be in the afternoon, sometimes overnight, and sometimes, it would be 48 hours straight, and I did not have to worry about if my kids were being properly taken care of.
Some of hte things that she did, to make sure I was involved were, if I washome, when the kids were little, I did the baths. It was just my job. There were times when I came home after a 20 hour day, and would be just in time for baths, and I would give them. It didn't seem fair at the time, but nothing about marriage is fair, it's about working together. She also made sure that I scheduled my time to go on every single field trip that my kids went on. It doesn't seem like much, but it made a difference, especially for the choir trips to Austria and Spain. Not going to lie, they were both awesome. Also, as soon as they were old enough, they would go to work with me. It was great when they were little, because they would do what they were told. It got rougher when they got older, because the work is physically demanding, and I would expect them to do their part.
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Old 07-12-2019, 04:58 PM   #68 (permalink)
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It's senseless to have kids if you're just going to leave them in the hands of strangers all day while you both continue to work in the rat race. To me, such people only had kids to brag about them, and post pictures to Facebook; they don't really care about what's in the child's best interest, as long as they can feel successful and accomplished in having them. And please, don't tell me an infant needs to be "socialized". They'll get that soon enough in school.

And really, most families wouldn't even need two incomes if they hadn't fallen for the student loan scam, drive cars that aren't paid for, buy way more house than they need, finance toys and home renovations, and spend $50K on a wedding. The way most people live is frightening enough without adding children to the picture. It's all a scam and trap set up by society to enslave you.
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