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Old 11-04-2019, 06:07 AM   #26 (permalink)
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RIP

I will say Iím tired of people saying ďpermanent solution to a temporary problemĒ. There are some situations that canít be cured. You just canít will away cancer or some terrible mental disorder.
This. I lost a dear friend about a year ago due to in his words "the pain from terminal pancreatic cancer just got to be too much". Knowing him as I did and how tough he was, it had to be extreme for him to do that.
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Old 11-04-2019, 06:28 AM   #27 (permalink)
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I say it is ok to off yourself. After all, it is your life.
But all I can say is: "Try not to kill yourself, because for all you know you might end up RIGHT HERE again and it all repeats."

It's really shit for other people, mostly.
Drugs are what they are. It's never the drug. Next life they will be taking meth and H together again.
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Old 11-04-2019, 06:36 AM   #28 (permalink)
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Sorry to hear that. A good friend of mine did it August 2014. With a shotgun. It sucks and you can't help but wonder if you could have done more. My condolences.
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Old 11-04-2019, 06:39 AM   #29 (permalink)
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sometimes that feels like the only solution left, when you fight to change and fail, that feels like the most successful thing.
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Old 11-04-2019, 07:29 AM   #30 (permalink)
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Sorry for your loss. It sucks.



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Originally Posted by Mr Stubs View Post




In my opinion suicide is such a selfish act. People never think about how their actions affect everyone around them, from friends and family, to the ones that find and deal with the aftermath.
Disagree. Often they feel it is best for their loved ones if they are gone.
I've heard a psychiatrist say in one particular case you could tell him 'I love you' and he literally heard 'I hate you.'

We lost a dear friend last week. From knowing him, the situation, and from his last acts I absolutely believe he did it because he thought he was a burden to others.

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I wonít judge a person who I donít know.
Bravo.
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Old 11-04-2019, 07:30 AM   #31 (permalink)
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I say it is ok to off yourself. After all, it is your life.
But all I can say is: "Try not to kill yourself, because for all you know you might end up RIGHT HERE again and it all repeats."

It's really shit for other people, mostly.
Drugs are what they are. It's never the drug. Next life they will be taking meth and H together again.
I guess, just leave a will or something if you do it, saves the family from dealing with allot of shit.. bank accounts, cars, 401ks, insurance...etc.
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Old 11-04-2019, 08:19 AM   #32 (permalink)
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It was the drugs, not him. My wife’s ex was into a lot of drugs. He was dead a long time before the drugs killed him.
Same for me and my ex wife (she was 30 IIRC). Every situation is different, but I am a firm believer you can't help those that don't want to help themselves.

So sorry for your loss OP.

Last edited by Bones; 11-04-2019 at 08:19 AM.
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Old 11-04-2019, 09:28 AM   #33 (permalink)
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sucks. sorry you're having to deal with it.

just remember, you cannot make sense of it. you think you may know what's going on it someone's head, but you don't. it is a somewhat selfish thing to do, but to put your problems before theirs is part of the issue. be there for your wife. it never makes sense.

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Old 11-04-2019, 11:18 AM   #34 (permalink)
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My sisters husband hung himself in the late 90s. He was a respected electrician, had a great like and no money problems. But, he had depression issues, which seemed to run in his family. His son is now in his 40s. I worry about him a bit as my sister says he is depressed sometimes too. I know dealing with mental illness issues are dealt with much better than back then, but still worry.
Statistically, if someone close to you has committed suicide, your likelihood of committing suicide is way higher, I don't know about the causation, but maybe check in on him a little extra.

I've had some friends and co workers go through some shit, even people I wasn't close to, I actually wish I was a little better with feelings and shit, but I've dropped a handful of texts along the lines of
"Hey man, I know you're gong through some shit, we're all here for you, anything you need, my phone is always on, or call the EAP number and talk to somebody, I've used it before and it's great to clear your head"
Sometimes I get "thanks" a few days later, usually nothing at all. I'm in mining, mineral extraction has the highest suicide rate of any profession.
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Old 11-04-2019, 11:59 AM   #35 (permalink)
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Sorry to hear this. You can't try to rationalize it. No one can understand what is going on in the head of someone suicidal. They are not think straight.

I lost a great friend a couple of years ago, and I still have issues dealing with it. His family is still a mess. He was literally the poster husband,father and friend. He had issues with two co-workers that made his life hell at work. they made him feel worthless, and because of that everyone around him now has to deal with the pain of his loss. It didn't matter what his family did, they got into his head and altered his thought process. It wasn't selfish of him it was hart less of them. The company lost another person because of these two a couple months ago. The family has filed lawsuit, but who knows what will happen.
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Old 11-04-2019, 12:32 PM   #36 (permalink)
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The circles I run in this is a not uncommon occurrence. Two of my friends committed suicide. One had been clean for quite a while, but he never really managed to put the demons away despite trying lots of different things. The other, I don't know, too smart? Couldn't manage to accept he couldn't handle it alone. Left a wife and three sons to wonder.

How you deal with it? Man, I don't know. I know I remember the good times I shared with those guys and hope they've found whatever peace they couldn't get in life. Time helps, but I think of them every now and then and what could have been, so it never really goes away completely.
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Old 11-04-2019, 12:34 PM   #37 (permalink)
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I don't know anyone who hasn't been affected by this topic.

I lost my best man, cousin, and a few friends... not to mention others I "knew" to an extent.

To me, at least, its always been a mild shock when I learn of it. Some I expected, some not. The hardest ones to comprehend it are the kid's left behind... I have had to see it first hand with my cousin. Left a hysterical wife and two young kids 5 and 7 years old. That was a rough. I drove his dad, my uncle out to Mississippi to pick up his sons remains. He was also the best man at my wedding. Hung himself off a balcony while on the phone with his wife.

My condolences MrShaft.
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Old 11-04-2019, 12:38 PM   #38 (permalink)
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You can't help some one who wasn't ready to help themselves. I'm sorry for your family's loss but I bet there was nothing anyone could have done.
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Old 11-04-2019, 01:16 PM   #39 (permalink)
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I don't know anyone who hasn't been affected by this topic.

I lost my best man, cousin, and a few friends... not to mention others I "knew" to an extent.

To me, at least, its always been a mild shock when I learn of it. Some I expected, some not. The hardest ones to comprehend it are the kid's left behind... I have had to see it first hand with my cousin. Left a hysterical wife and two young kids 5 and 7 years old. That was a rough. I drove his dad, my uncle out to Mississippi to pick up his sons remains. He was also the best man at my wedding. Hung himself off a balcony while on the phone with his wife.

My condolences MrShaft.
Thanks man, that is terrible when there are kids involved.

I will be cleaning his mess up as usual, the house him and my MIL have been living in is in major disrepair etc. So somewhere in my free time I guess I will be dealing with that clean out & getting her somewhere.

Just the scene with the blood in the garage was horrifying, I don't know how she can be there all the time now.
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Old 11-04-2019, 01:35 PM   #40 (permalink)
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Sorry for your loss.

In my opinion suicide is such a selfish act. People never think about how their actions affect everyone around them, from friends and family, to the ones that find and deal with the aftermath.
Really situationally dependent. Expecting someone to live with shit they can't deal with is just as selfish.

But yeah, I've dealt with three indirectly that were extremely selfish.

First was a friend of mine in middle/high school's mom. She hung herself in their shed out back without any warning, no note, nothing knowing the kids got home from school before anyone else would find her. She was batshit religious nuts.

Second was a neighbor. Was dating a girl in the office at the apartment complex we lived in. She broke up with him and next day he shows up with a gun telling her he's going to commit suicide by cop. Cops show up, stand off lasts hours and he finally rushes out to his porch firing a handgun over everyone's head and they sniped his ass. Some poor motherfucker went to work that day like any other day and came home having to live the rest of his life having killed someone who was too much of a coward to do it themselves.

Third was my step-dad's bio dad a couple months ago. Terminally ill, got tired of the pain and shot himself in the head. Didn't say a word to his wife, just walked in the bathroom and blew his brains out and left her to deal with all the shit that goes with it. I get taking yourself out if you're in pain that will never end or something, but at least have the decency to do something for the people that have to deal with the mess and fallout.

Last edited by Motorcharge; 11-04-2019 at 01:36 PM.
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Old 11-04-2019, 01:58 PM   #41 (permalink)
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Sorry for the loss-
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Old 11-04-2019, 02:04 PM   #42 (permalink)
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Damn,
I feel for you and your family man.

I lost my mom to suicide last year, she had struggled with mental health issues for a long time.. no drugs, no booze, just determined to live her life on her own terms.. I tried getting her help. I flew all the way across the country so she could be released to my care after she got picked up seven states away on a 5150. It is hard for me to realize I couldn't have done more than I did. I still think what if I just...

I'm still dealing with it, she didn't leave a will and her property burned in the camp fire, I just got the property tax bill in the mail today.
I try to remember the good times and not dwell on the how or the why, it's pointless for me..

Talking about it can help relieve the pressure, it took a while for me, it gets better. It brought my family closer than we had been in years, everyone deals differently, just letting them know you are there for them can help.
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Old 11-04-2019, 02:48 PM   #43 (permalink)
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Sorry for your loss. RIP


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Old 11-05-2019, 02:31 PM   #44 (permalink)
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RIP

I will say Iím tired of people saying ďpermanent solution to a temporary problemĒ. There are some situations that canít be cured. You just canít will away cancer or some terrible mental disorder. Itís not like you have the flu and tough it out for a few weeks. Who knows why people start using drugs? Self medicating? Maybe they were just wanting to get high? Itís hard to say what the underlying cause is and unfortunately our mental health situation sucks in this country. I used to have the same mindset until I went through some stuff myself. When you wake up miserable every day for years and every avenue you try either fails or you end up worse itís easy to let your mind wander. Thatís when you start to think itís going to last forever.

I wonít judge a person who I donít know.
Well said.
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Old 11-06-2019, 09:30 AM   #45 (permalink)
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i know the feeling of wanting to kill yourself, it is said in the bible there is a pain worse than death. when my first wife left me i got severely depressed and tried to kill myself i had a fully loaded gun and i pulled the trigger three times and all i got was three clicks so i tossed the gun aside and curled up in a ball and cried for three days. i was all alone except for Jesus he wrapped me in his arms and cried with me and told me i was his child and he would take care of me. and i stayed that way for three days. i still get bouts of depression but nots as bad. and in spit of what my ex did to me i still love her.
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Old 11-06-2019, 10:01 AM   #46 (permalink)
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Well said.
The mental health system sucks yes, at one point we had the cops and a swat team at our house because he was running around the house calling people saying that someone had broken in.

The police failed to make contact with him, wouldnt bust the door down because there was no crime, and they suggested we get a PFA, protection from abuse, and just have him thrown out. I was like ahh oh we need help with a possible mental issue not to throw the guy on the street.
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Old 11-06-2019, 12:39 PM   #47 (permalink)
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Sorry for the way it turned out. I had to deal with an uncle who offed himself. He was in the middle of the divorce. His last act was to sign the divorce papers. He was under the care of a "mental health professional." I was holding his guns for him. He got one from his room mate. As you can imagine the exwife fought to have the signed divorce papers annulled so all his shit became her shit. His parents and child had to buy his shit at public auction if it meant anything to them. He called me the night before he did it. I didn't get the voice mail until after it was done. He just wanted to call and talk to me. The whole thing was a shitshow from start to finish.


I have a nephew (other side of the family) hooked on meth and he's suicidal right now. He's a fucking mess like you describe. He stole about $600 from me and tore up around another $1K worth of shit just to get the $600. I hope he gets it under control, but I have my doubts at this point.

I also had a great uncle I was close to that had a shit ton of medical issues. He fought like hell until he lost the quality of life he could handle and done himself in.

All 3 are very different for the family and friends in they cope. I've already written the nephew off.
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Old 11-07-2019, 08:35 PM   #48 (permalink)
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very unfortunate choice

You and your family have sincere condolences in this matter! 4 years ago my sister finally succeeded in this same endeavor! Suicide is SOSO tough for the family because all that is left are questions, my Mom and Dad searched their entire past looking for where they made the mistakes that caused my sister to do this. As far as words for you and your family the main this I can tell you is that its not any of your faults, it wasnt your problems that caused this tragedy I would consider some possible counseling if your family is having ongoing issues in recovery after this!
I never liked this saying but I have unfortunately learn it to be true! "We are only as sick as the secrets that we keep" I talk a lot because I swear there is way to much truth in that saying!
Our prayers are to you and your family Sorry for your Loss!!
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Old 11-07-2019, 08:38 PM   #49 (permalink)
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My bro was hooked on hard drugs for a long time and that is what we think caused all this but no one will really ever know
Ok well, we know. It was the hard drugs. Sorry for your loss, fuck hard drugs.
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Old 11-08-2019, 07:05 AM   #50 (permalink)
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You and your family have sincere condolences in this matter! 4 years ago my sister finally succeeded in this same endeavor! Suicide is SOSO tough for the family because all that is left are questions, my Mom and Dad searched their entire past looking for where they made the mistakes that caused my sister to do this. As far as words for you and your family the main this I can tell you is that its not any of your faults, it wasnt your problems that caused this tragedy I would consider some possible counseling if your family is having ongoing issues in recovery after this!
I never liked this saying but I have unfortunately learn it to be true! "We are only as sick as the secrets that we keep" I talk a lot because I swear there is way to much truth in that saying!
Our prayers are to you and your family Sorry for your Loss!!
Karl
Thanks for the words, we set up a one on one counselor for next week and my wife is gonna attend a group session, she has massive guilt issues right now.
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