|Yesterday 11:20 PM|
I can’t really explain it other than the thinking about it is just tiresome. I miss the numbing it gave me to stress, the fun guy it turned me into, the friends I lost when I quit, the smell of that hard liquor, I miss my big blue cup. I know I sound like a little bitch, but when I quit, I really didn’t think it would still be this hard this many years in. The older I get, the more stress I get and I want that outlet back. The only thing that keeps me from buying a bottle is the fact that I know I’m struggling with it so hard.
|Yesterday 09:56 PM|
|Yesterday 08:44 PM|
You have stressors in your live recently?
|Yesterday 07:55 PM|
|Yesterday 07:48 PM|
|Chopperman||So after 9 years with no booze, I’m damn near close to throwing in the towel and starting back up. I just miss it, how sick is that?|
|Yesterday 02:26 PM|
Those days never go away. Numbing the pain works for a while but truthfully, it never goes away. Even today I'm having a bad day and I'd really like to go get a nice hard buzz and not have to think about it for a few hours, but when I wake up it is no different than it was before AND I feel like shit.
|Yesterday 11:44 AM|
Glad we could help
|Yesterday 11:39 AM|
|Cool Hand Luke||
|Yesterday 09:19 AM|
|Yesterday 09:17 AM|
|Yesterday 08:40 AM|
|Cool Hand Luke|
|Yesterday 07:52 AM|
|Yesterday 07:46 AM|
|Cool Hand Luke|
|Yesterday 06:02 AM|
|Yesterday 05:58 AM|
|Cool Hand Luke||
|08-19-2019 09:03 AM|
Good job on going to the bar and not drinking. It shows you CAN do it and still keep the same friends. I started drinking soda (Dr. Pepper, Sprite/7up, etc.) and while it's not the same I kind of try and drink less of it. Plus I don't wake up feeling like shit after having 7 Dr Peppers like I would after 7 6%+ beers. Heck even two rockstars ( I LOOOOOVE Rockstars) doesn't fuck with my sleep as much as alcohol did.
I'm somewhere around 90s (actually I think it's 3 months tomorrow) and was thinking about this thread. Drunk people amuse me. Well...FUN drunk people. If you're a mean asshole I'm not laughing. I went to a SF Giants game and the 6 people next to me brought in a bag of ice, a BUNCH of cups, a handle of Captian Morgna, a flask of Tito's Vodka, and offered me some. "Na I'm good but DAMN y'all brought like the WHOLE bar." The three guys with them were FUCKING WASTED and when they walked past me to get to their seats the sentence "yeah I'm too drunk right now to walk over the seats behind you" amazed me for a 12:00 game. It ended up being 88F, they left for shade and the guys behind them mentioned how every other word from the guys was 'an F bomb' but at least the ladies were having fun drinking. I realized after they left I'd have had at least two $15+ beers at that game and ended up spending that on dinner with the wife, and parking. I aint got money for $30-60 in beer at a game. Heck even at a local baseball game they were $8 and I thought "jesus fuck I use to buy at least three of those."
I'm still broke (cheap) but at least it feels better than hungover and broke. Oh and my 20 month old kid isn't sleeping through the night so being in there for an hour or so around 2:00am and still functional around 5:30am to make breakfast, lunch, change him and let the wife sleep past her alarms was nice. NO WAY I'd have been able to be woken up had I drank my usual 6 pack of drunk juice on a Sunday night. On top of my cholsesterol being it's lowest, running getting better, and my "not race" going VERY well (still fucking sucked worse than a hangover while doing it) I'm glad I quit MOST of the time. Sometimes I still just wanted to drink a few too many beers, get that "hard buzz" going again and remind myself why I quit, but 90 days is kind important. Heck....that's like 20 days away from the record I set earlier this year.
I did enjoy watching the 50-90 year old family who visited for Hot August Nights get wasted for two dinners I went over there. Especially when I told one "Don't leave a soldier a soldier on the battlefield as she pours all but two shots of vodka out of the handle they've killed in two days. She said "no I have to go light. My sister wants to stay up and talk since we don't see each other often. We've been going to bed early because we've been dinking all day." Imagine that. Wasted half your vacation drunk or in bed recovering from drinking.
Evernoob Weird how when we quit drinking that cholesterol number magically fits into the box. Dr. asks what's different and you're sitting there thinking "I don't drink a 6 pack a night?" Now Carbs....fuck THOSE things. I remember my dad going to chocolate when he quit drinking. I'm doing the same thing with ice cream (HALO ice cream because it has less sugar), soda, and pretty much anything a 10-15 year old boy would eat in excess. I justify it by running a shit ton, and kind of try to mix my Gatorade 50% with water. Can't say I drank many Gin and tonics but now I'm drinking a ton of Bubly (sparkling water) so I guess that's kind of the same as tonic water. Plus way less sugar than soda, and about $4/12 pack. I don't think my wife has a problem with me buying 3 12 packs of sparkling water for $15 vs a 36 pack of Coors Light.
|08-18-2019 12:35 AM|
I cut back because the Dr. said I had some signs of peripheral neuropathy caused by B-12 deficiency. That's basically stabbing pins and needles. Alcohol messes with your body's ability to metabolize the B-complex vitamins.
She gave me some supplements and they didn't really work, which I suppose is the Dr's way of demonstrating that it doesn't matter what you do, alcohol intake is the problem.
However, after cutting my drinking in ~1/2, the condition cleared up. Really, about 10 days after the Dr. visit, cleared right up.
My blood work keeps coming back good too. I'm convinced by research my cholesterol is in balance due to my copious intake of ethanol. Very good science for that.
I know that sobriety/12-step people are just praying as hard as they can for me to have a big systemic failure Sorry boys, I've been to a thousand of your meetings, I know exactly how your little minds think.
However, the damage done to my life by those hysteric Puritans is irrevocable. To them, it doesn't matter, since they lost limbs, killed their kids, killed someone, etc, so the fact I will never have anything allowed in my life except material possessions is nothing to them. And, as I found out, the rest of society outside sobriety circles was eager to throw my life away, they couldn't work fast enough to fuck me up, even before I drank alcohol
So I'll tip a G&T back for you guys, since I know none of you like that drink uke: My greatest self-inflicted health problem right now is my intake of Carbs.
|08-17-2019 11:17 PM|
|Little Red Zuk||
I've been following this thread for awhile now. I've been a steady drinker of 3-4 drinks a night for a long time. Always had a good time playing league darts, hanging out in a comfy local bar for other events. Recently, the bar I hung out at closed, so I switched to a different bar. I realized I was leaving my truck there more often, I think due to stronger pours and some depression issues that caused me to go "Just one more." often over my normal limit... I also found myself being a bigger asshole to the sometimes-kinda-sorta-girlfriend, and the smallest things would set me off when I got home.
So I started thinking about cutting back, but either a shit day made me want to numb myself, or just the habit or boredom found me in the bar hanging out again, even without darts or football. I then started getting mad at myself about it, thinking I screwed up again, and then the attitude would tank again, and then that would make me want another drink. This has continued for a couple of months.
Now, I am preparing for inner ear surgery, and the doc said to stop all booze, ibuprofen, multi-vitamins, and energy drinks a week before the procedure. So that was a kick to actually be far more conscious about it, rather than allow myself fall into the habit.
So now I am 4 days without a drink. I know that doesn't sound like much, but it's probably been 10-12 years that I've gone that long without even a beer in that time period. Even in that time, I've been able to go to the bar and just have a soda and water. (This bar is also where I eat a lot of my meals) My procedure is coming up this Wednesday, and after that, I know I'll be on the couch for almost a week just trying to recover. So in interest of the procedure, I will have been forced to go 2 weeks without drinking, and I'm not sure I can say when I've gone that long without a drink.
I don't know if I am or just think I am, but I seem to be sleeping better already. I was able to get up this morning and get some errands done, where before on a Saturday morning I would have nursed some coffee on the sofa, before going back up to retrieve my truck. So I am going to continue the non-drinking after this surgery, and see what happens.
Thanks for listening. I can't post this on Facebook or anything, because I don't want to worry Mom, as many on her side of the family were alcoholics, and I've pretty much hidden it from the family.
|08-01-2019 07:35 AM|
I hate hills.
I also don't like trail running too much.
My running friends know this about me.
If I'm lucky a guy in town will be able to run with me and we can make it fun. He just started training for Javalina Jundred.
I'm looking forward to figuring out my Trekking pole/handheld skill level. I've never run with poles and NOT had my vest. I'm thinking I can get through this run with just a handheld. If I can it opens up a TON of possibilities for future ultra marathons (not sure the wife knows I'd do another, or kind of want to) if I can get by with just a handheld between aid stations.
I'm telling myself it isn't a race it's just a "supported long run" for fun but, if there are only 10 people like last year (due to a major fire and tons of smoke) I could POTENTIALLY be in the running for the overall win. Only the overall winner gets an award. I'd be a big fish in a small pond if I won. I might even tell them to give it to last place even if it says winner. I'm more hoping they give out a Kleen Kanteen pint cup. $80 for a stainless cup I could buy plenty of...but it doesn't have the run/memories tied to it. I'd blow $80 on beer and it wouldn't last as long as the cup. I have the same cup from a different race at work and never use it. Wife asked why I was doing it (we're camping this weekend) and I told her "well we had nothing scheduled that weekend when I signed up and I want to check out the area. You won't want to hike there so this does both." She wouldn't hike there because she wouldn't want to hike 15+ miles with a 20 month old. Uphill for the whole first half.
|08-01-2019 06:16 AM|
As a runner I can really appreciate the added clarity in the morning, not feeling fluffy and lethargic, etc etc. What race/route are you doing on Saturday?
Good work on Day 72 man. Rooting for ya.
|07-31-2019 02:35 PM|
72. Now I spend my time arguing on the internet.
When I controlled my drinking I didn't enjoy it.
When I enjoyed my drinking I didn't control it.
That's so fucking true. COCamper put it up somewhere else and said it came from here. It's pretty easy for me to remember the order because of how true it is. The annoying thing now is my step-father-in-law who "doesn't drink", but "had a few on the plane" for the first time blah blah blah....asked me if I drank at a wedding, then almost like peer pressure brought in the "not even one. I mean it's a wedding" type talk. I wanted to say "replace drink with heroin, or meth, or weed, or cocaine and ask me why I didn't do any of those? Weed is legal but you're not asking me why I didn't smoke a joint at the wedding. why not? "
I have some bullshit 23-24 mile uphill run Saturday. At least I won't be doing it hungover as shit. I'll probably feel the same way around Noon on Saturday as I would at 8am if I drank 6-9 beers Friday night at the lake maybe with some rum mixed in. At least I'll make the 4:45 am wake up call to get to the race start. this not drinking thing is bullshit.
|07-16-2019 10:45 AM|
1,000 DAYS?!?!!?! DAMN SON! I'm like....carry the two....divide....google that shit....WAYS behind you.
I did hear someone, when talking about a running streak, say 100 is the first one to hit, then it's 1,000 and after that it's stuff like "how many weekends you can do 20 milers" and weird shit (runners are weird) like that. I guess "how many family gatherings" or "how many birthday parties" without booze you can start counting.
|07-16-2019 10:09 AM|
Yeah, I know its more habit than anything, got in the truck to drive to work this morning, first thing I reached for was my can of chew. There wasn't one in my pocket, but there was a can in the door, I left it alone. Probably been 25 years since I didn't have a dip on the way to work.
engnmonkey- Congrats on the personal milestone. 1000 days is awesome and I look forward to joining that club at some point.
|07-16-2019 09:50 AM|
Congrats on the progress and thanks for bumping this thread.
Today is a personal milestone for me. 1000 days. That sounded impossible at one point. To anyone trying to kick the habit, stay strong.
One day at a time
|07-16-2019 09:39 AM|
18 months...damn. Even a year seems like forever and a day away while at the same time being a "meh" kind of feeling. I think it's slightly easier for my brother in law not to drink now since I'm "sober" or whatever. Maybe it's the FOMO or maybe he just dind't want to do it alone. Dunno. Dunkare. I quit tobacco (a few times) pretty easy just by not buying it anymore. It kind of felt odd but I didn't really miss it. Yeah I've smoked a few cigarettes since "quitting" but every time it's kicked my ass and I remember it not really phasing me when I smoked 5-6 a day. More habit than anything.
My grandma quit by throwing away lighters. My mother (15+ year "closeted" smoker) said she would find full cigarettes around the house in their usual locations. Grandma smoked and drank coffee so the unused cigarette was left next to her chair where she'd usually finished her coffee. Step father said his dad quit (cigars) the same way. Chewed cigars for a while but never lit them. Eventually quit buying them. I watched a guy in my office "quit" then bum a few dips from a guy until that guy quit. Just make sure you don't buy them, and if you REALLY want to be smart...put that 10% into a jar so you don't ACTUALLY have the money you haven't been spending. I'm not sure where the money I spent on beer came from. I'm always broke now.
|This thread has more than 25 replies. Click here to review the whole thread.|