|01-07-2020 11:52 PM|
|VcrusaderV||You don’t know till you’ve been there. I’ve been married 30 years and I was injured severely in 2008. Now my wife has to care for me and there’s not much I can do. If she cheated on me I’d be crushed but I can’t blame her. She didn’t ask for a suck ass worthless life.... Just saying to go easy on her, it’s no picnic watching a spouse die.|
|06-18-2019 04:20 PM|
Man, my wife had a brain stem stroke. She was completely debilitated for a couple months and partially debilitated for many months after that. It's been years now and she's still not the same.
The last thing on my mind was cheating. The FIRST thing on my mind was making sure my wife's needs were met every single day.
She had to learn to speak, walk, drive, write, etc. ALL over again. Not once did cheating ever even cross my mind.
Fuck your friends wife. She's a cheating cunt.
|06-13-2019 05:01 AM|
I hate goddamn deer ticks but you are alright.
|06-13-2019 01:52 AM|
Would everyone be making Reddit cry-faces for a deserter who abandoned his post and sworn oath? Maybe his squad-mates needed him in a dire time, but it was stressful and frightening! I guess it wasn't the right decision, but you have to consider his mental state when he went AWOL, not just brand him a coward and deserter. Unless you were there, under fire, you can't judge.
She didn't have the guts to buckle down and pull through a hard time.
She didn't have the decency and respect to walk away.
She should be judged as a failure.
Eta this, which I fully agree with:
|06-13-2019 01:51 AM|
|06-13-2019 01:50 AM|
To you and crowbar, I am sincerely sorry for your loss. And no, I cannot empathize with what you have been through. But, I feel for you and hope the best for you both. Life can be tough and unfair. That is for sure.
|06-13-2019 12:46 AM|
|06-13-2019 12:41 AM|
Sweep the Fkn driveway and there’s always a rock left behind, that guaranteed you will Fkn step on!!!!
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|06-13-2019 12:29 AM|
I am not trying to sound like a martyr or anything but until you've been there, you don't "get it".
Similarly, you also don't get the fear and pain your friend has, even though he may tell you about it.
I don't "get" the fear of being in combat just because someone told me about it, or I saw a movie.
What your friend's wife did was fucked up. Really fucked up. And you are correct, if she has any amount of humanity, that her actions will haunt her for a long time......although I hope not forever.
Being that her person of choice was a younger, college-aged kid, I would imagine that she got the double whammy of the traditional "look.....a younger guy still finds me attractive" coupled with the lonely feeling of being a caretaker. A perfect storm.
I'd say support your friend and he needs, and deserves, it more than her. he didn't choose anything when she did.
However, give grace as you can to her today, and moving forward. After your friend and his glioblastoma run their course together, she will need support for her and children.
|06-13-2019 12:19 AM|
I truly DO understand how you feel, although I can honestly say that my wife was never angry at me, God, or anything else. That would have made everything even tougher to deal with.
Unfortunately for me, I am not sure that I ever left that cycle of life that started with diagnosis even though she has been gone for 1 1/2 years about. So weird to say/type that cause that just hit me and now I have tears in my eyes..........Ok I am back. The cycle I mean....I transferred from a husband to a caregiver, and then my wife and my patient were gone. I lost both if that makes sense. I lost a purpose it felt and feels like. I don't think that has ever gone away. I have never transitioned to MY life.
Not sure if that makes sense or not.
I hope that things pick up for you, that find a sense of peace as you move forward.
If you ever want to chat, PM me your number. I can call 24/7 and talk as long as a little teenage girl.
|06-13-2019 12:10 AM|
|06-12-2019 11:46 PM|
|06-12-2019 11:33 PM|
She’s a piece of shit whore. Any human that would do that to someone in his position , that they “love”, deserves to get strung up and gutted alive.
|06-12-2019 11:17 PM|
|charlieboyd65||Again, I'm not saying she's the devil. Just saying, great let's kick my buddy in the dick one more time just when starts to think there might a chance at living longer than his initial prognosis. Just when he is building optimism and energy to keep pushing, this happens. Even, the best of us, in good health with no other major glaring issues would probably get kicked down a few rungs with this kind of situation. But hey, she needed some comfort. So does my fucking friend, and she just took that away.|
|06-12-2019 11:15 PM|
So, fast forward a year (to yesterday), and I hear about his marriage and the cheating, and it really just breaks my heart. You know, he's been fighting like hell, and now he has this to deal with.
|06-12-2019 11:15 PM|
this is where that saying "theres always two sides to a story" fits right
i see it from both sides, both are wrong but both are right, shitty deal. life lessons for all of us to learn from
|06-12-2019 11:07 PM|
My friend is not disabled. He is not bedridden. He did not require anywhere near the same level of care as others have mentioned. He couldn't leave the house for a while or drive, but actually was pretty strong in the beginning. And, he is feeling stronger now. The 4 months or so in the middle, seemed like the worst probably.
Anyway, I haven't called his wife any names, or said she's a piece of shit, just said it is a really shitty deal for my buddy and his family. Should everyone just say, hey it's okay it's just stress. Homie feels like shit, looks death in the face everyday, still works and provides for his family and wants to love them the best he can because the future is very uncertain. Are we to feel more sorry for her than him?
Actions have consequences. Ever had someone make you so mad, you thought, I really want to just beat the shit out of this person? Did you? Most people don't act on it. Of course, the feelings are very real, does that mean it's okay to just act on it? And, then lie about it, and continue to try to cover it up. Shit, even if it happened one night in the heat of passion, it's still shitty, but to continue on with it and lie? Sure, it's all good. No big deal...
|06-12-2019 10:54 PM|
|Bubba the Red||cb65, your buddy has a good friend in you, and your wife a good man. Keep being that. I wish your friend better health and you the best.|
|06-12-2019 10:52 PM|
dntsdad gets it charlieboy does not. If you have never been a fulltime caregiver to your life partner you have no idea how that changes the dynamics of your relationship. What she did was wrong but not unexcusable. I came very close to cheating on my wife but didn't. She feels I did calling it an "emotional affair". Basically I had become close with a woman who was going through the same thing with her husband as me with my wife. We could lean on each other and relate, empathy instead of sympathy.
If you have not lived through this you will never understand. My daily routine was get kids up make breakfast get to school, take care of wifes morning needs, go to work, come home and pick up kids, take care of wifes midday needs, go to work, come home make dinner get kids through night time routine and take care of wifes evening needs then go back to work for a few more hours. Lucky to get 5hrs sleep. Not to mention dr appointments and kids activities. It is fucking hell.
At first you get a lot of support from people but they have lives and move on and you are literally left alone. How the fuck would you feel if you did everything and when you made dinner your spouse says you made it wrong, "well maybe I did but I'm a mechanic not a chef". My wife was so physically miserable that she was incapable of thankfulness and complained about everything. I take my marriage vows very seriously but that does not mean I am superman. Everybody has limits.
When I met this other woman we became close and she was the only person I could talk to that understood what I was going through. I could have poked her but I didn't though it was progressing to that. Then a couple years ago my wife was in the hospital and the dr told me it was 50/50 if she makes it through the night( I started a thread here asking you all for prayers). I was a complete mess crying like a baby in the hospital. I am still friends with the other woman but not the same if that makes sense.
My wife is doing better now but still disabled. Life will never be what it used to be and I have accepted that but it still sucks. You who pass judgement just don't get it. I have never openly talked about this before but felt moved to do so.
|06-12-2019 09:59 PM|
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|06-12-2019 09:58 PM|
Also, call me old school, but the physical aspect of a relationship is pretty sacred to me. I can forgive just about anything for my wife, but not sure if I could ever really move past being cheated on. My wife and I have discussed this in conversation in the past, and really on the same page. I think sex is the most monumental physical expression of love in a relationship (the rest is pretty much non-tangible), so maybe this is why it means so much. It's not ownership of your partner, it's respecting them enough to not break that sacred commitment and trust.
On the other hand, if someone messed with one of our kids and she throat punched and killed a bitch, and then told me what happened, I would fire up the mini excavator and starting digging a hole. I'm kind of a ride or die mutha fucka I guess. Hence being so torn up for my buddy.
|06-12-2019 09:51 PM|
First thing I will say is this... His wife took on a HUGE task of driving my buddy to doctor's, treatments, medical, etc because he was not cleared to drive for quite a while. Along with that came keeping the house extremely clean and germ free to fight infections while on chemo. Also, taking care of 4 young girls (one was a newborn), gymnastics, school, etc. And, also taking over some extra responsibilities with their business. I know it was a LOT. No doubt. And, everyone gave her major kudos and respect for doing what she did.
If she resented him for all that stress, I understand...completely. If she wanted a break from her daily reality, I understand. If she wanted the touch of someone that could be intimate, I get it. But if you want to act on those feelings, then sack up, and tell your spouse BEFORE you act. You know why almost no one ever does it that way? Because, looking your spouse in the eye and being honest is like looking in the mirror and telling yourself that you are less than what you thought you were. It takes a strong person to be honest and upfront. It's the cowards way to just act, and try to hide it. It's the easy way out. Honestly, it might actually be like suicide by cop. I mean, how do you look your terminally ill husband, father of your children, in the face and say your can't do it anymore and you want out? If you cheat and get caught, and he gives you the boot, then technically you weren't the one to break it off. This might be a possibility actually.
To the guy that mentioned what your wife went through and the struggles, I understand, and serious kudos and respect to you. Seriously.
It's not about how we act when things are easy in life/relationships...it's how we act when things get tough that define us. This WILL define her life. It will affect how her daughter's perceive her. IE, Dad was dying and fighting for every extra day to be with us, and this is what Mom did... Note, I'm not calling her names and all that. I know it's a tough situation. Beyond tough. I'm just saying, I think it's probably tougher on the personal literally contemplating death everyday, and also dealing with all the other stuff too. He's not bedridden, he's always been very active and basically gets around okay (late 30s).
As for doxing the guy, out of respect for my buddy, I will not interfere in any way. No names, address, pics, etc. As for pics, same thing, but I will say she is pretty good looking.
A little more backstory. My buddy wheels with a group of folks where he lives in the midwest. One of those guys is a 21/22 yr old spoiled college kid. We'll call him douche bag. At spring break, my good buddy reached out to me and said hey I have a friend (douche bag) heading to Western CO for a week and is looking for some info on trails,etc. I said, hell yeah. Give him my number and I'll help anyway I can. We never were able to catch up for a beer (timing did work for either of us), but I pointed him in the right direction for trails. This comes and goes no big deal.
Last night, I hear my buddy and his wife are getting divorce. I let him know that I'm really sorry to hear this. He says, crazy thing is that she came with douche bag and his friend (let's call him home wrecker) to CO on that trip, but told him she was in Kansas City. He only found out because she came back from "Kansas City" on crutches with a blown bum knee. Says she hurt her knee running while out of town in KC. Couple weeks later, medical bill/statement comes in showing clinic/doctor was in Telluride, CO and she blew out her ACL/MCL. Douche bag and his fiance went skiing while on spring break wheeling trip. Apparently, so did wife and home wrecker.
She still doesn't confess to anything. So, my buddy knows which guys were on this spring break trip. One one of them is single. Researches the guy, finds address. Wife is supposed to be at a doctor's appt one day when my buddy rolls up to home wrecker's house and snaps pics of her car there. Now she's busted.
He says, "The messed up thing is that I've been trying to get her to ski with me in CO for 13 years and she never wanted to." Sad...
Cliffs: She cheated with a dumb fuck college kid, who probably feels entitled to everything, has no idea what it's like to be a man, and will not be there for her when she actually needs someone.
As for minding my own business... I am. Friend told me. I didn't pry. And, it was 1 AM and I was kinda overwhelmed with this news and felt so bad for my friend. Just needed to vent. The innocent and guilty will remain anonymous.
Edit: For the record, I kinda doubt she did this in the past. They are kinda bible thumpers. I think stress pushed her too far. But, we are adults and we need to think through consequences of our actions. This has very large consequences for her and her family.
|06-12-2019 09:33 PM|
Not the time. Unless you enjoy being a piece of cawk sucking gaping asshole shit
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|06-12-2019 07:05 PM|
|06-12-2019 05:34 PM|
Look at what civilizations have done throughout history. Everything we think is good or bad is because of a standard that has been set.
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