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Wife asked me to quit this weekend. Pretty much the "me and your son, or alcohol" conversation. Had a big bottle of a high ABV beer last night and went to bed. Drank the rest of the Macallan 18 I had on Friday night and passed out on the couch. Woke up today for my morning run and had to walk the last part of it because my stomach was going to explode. I've gone a month or so for diets previously. I don't know how this is different other than I never get the feeling of being drunk again. I'm sure it will come with time.
 

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H8DWINGS: I have been there, and it was a shit sandwich for me because in my mind I didn’t have a problem. I went along with it for about a year, then manipulated my way back to drinking like a gentleman. It wasn’t long after that I was doing things as I always had, but also making efforts to conceal my drinking from my wife to avoid another standoff. Lying. Of course that didn’t work either, and we were both miserable.
I eventually managed to get my head out of my ass for a minute to see myself clearly enough to want to quit for my own well being, so I did it again. But this time it was more than abstinence for the fear of consequences, it was recognizing that the unit between my ears was fucked up and I had to do something about it. Am still married and am grateful for every day that I have been sober. Especially today.
Tl, dr: quit for your own reasons if you are serious about it. Feel free to contact me if you like.
 

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I'm HOPING to avoid the "hiding it from the wife" kind of thing. I'm not sure about the "drinking like a gentleman" unless I have a HARD limit, if I go back, and stick with it camping, at family functions, or at home. I told her it isn't like I'm going to a bar and driving home. I drank at home and didn't drive or do anything dangerous. She just doesn't want our son to see, and I agree, me passed out on the couch with beer cans/bottles everywhere. Even after she said I could drink all I want Friday and Saturday she changed her mind. My dad quit over 20 years ago. I'm attempting to sell my brewing equipment and reinvest the money into a different hobby. Part of me is afraid I'll get even MORE into fitness (currently run marathons) and do something stupid like get into 50-100 mile races or triathlons because "at least I'm not spending my time drinking beer or passed out on the couch."
 

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Part of me is afraid I'll get even MORE into fitness (currently run marathons) and do something stupid like get into 50-100 mile races or triathlons because "at least I'm not spending my time drinking beer or passed out on the couch."
Yeah, that would be really stupid. :rolleyes:
 

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Part of me is afraid I'll get even MORE into fitness (currently run marathons) and do something stupid like get into 50-100 mile races or triathlons because "at least I'm not spending my time drinking beer or passed out on the couch."
I had the opposite happen to me back in 2013.

Did triathlons, ran 1/2 marathons, did crossfit... shit like that.
In 2013, I went back to school to do a MBA program. Stopped training/working out due to time constraints. Started drinking because of the stress of school/work/life balance being all out of whack. 5 years, and 30 lbs later, I've quit making excuses and have started training more and drinking much less. I feel better for it. And down 8 lbs since the beginning of June. Got a Duathlon scheduled for Sept and a 1/2 marathon on the books for Oct.
 

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Prioritizing getting drunk over your wife's emotional well being is a big red flag. You said she was worried about your son seeing you passed out, has that been an issue? Either way your drinking is affecting people in your life negatively. Have you been able to honestly admit to yourself that you have a problem?

I'm not judging at all, I'm a recovering alky myself. I knew I had a problem a long time before I could admit it to myself and others that I did, and a while longer before I was willing to honestly commit to making a change. I tried 'moderation' a few times. One or two just doesn't get it and by the time I 'got it' I was playing a game that I knew I couldn't win. Over and over. I never wrecked a car, lost a job, or put myself or anybody else in the ER but I put my wife through hell and was significantly 'less than' for the first five years of our sons life. Can't pay a fine or spend a night in jail to make that go away.

I'll say this and then get off my recovery soapbox: not one aspect of my life has suffered due to my decision to quit drinking, and a great many have improved greatly. Not saying it's easy, but it is worthwhile. I don't know you and you don't know me but if you ever want to reach out I'm happy to listen.
 

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Prioritizing getting drunk over your wife's emotional well being is a big red flag. You said she was worried about your son seeing you passed out, has that been an issue? Either way your drinking is affecting people in your life negatively. Have you been able to honestly admit to yourself that you have a problem?

I'm not judging at all, I'm a recovering alky myself. I knew I had a problem a long time before I could admit it to myself and others that I did, and a while longer before I was willing to honestly commit to making a change. I tried 'moderation' a few times. One or two just doesn't get it and by the time I 'got it' I was playing a game that I knew I couldn't win. Over and over. I never wrecked a car, lost a job, or put myself or anybody else in the ER but I put my wife through hell and was significantly 'less than' for the first five years of our sons life. Can't pay a fine or spend a night in jail to make that go away.

I'll say this and then get off my recovery soapbox: not one aspect of my life has suffered due to my decision to quit drinking, and a great many have improved greatly. Not saying it's easy, but it is worthwhile. I don't know you and you don't know me but if you ever want to reach out I'm happy to listen.
Well said^^^ Great post.
 

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Yeah, that would be really stupid. :rolleyes:
I currently run about 8-9 hours a day. Wednesday is a 2 hour run so I see my wife for about an hour that day and Sundays I'm gone at least 2 hours. I also need to train while we're away from home. I'd assume it takes double this amount of training to do a half ironman which is even MORE time away from the family. We already had to talk about me taking time off from doing lots of races so yeah, it could be really stupid to pick a hobby taking me away from my family just as much as drinking did. The difference is I can drink for two hours, not get drunk or inappropriate, and still spend time with the family. I can't do that when I'm running, swimming or riding a bike for an hour plus time to get ready and clean up after. So yes picking a hobby I'd spend time away from my family could be really stupid. Even if it's a healthy activity.


Prioritizing getting drunk over your wife's emotional well being is a big red flag. You said she was worried about your son seeing you passed out, has that been an issue? Either way your drinking is affecting people in your life negatively. Have you been able to honestly admit to yourself that you have a problem?

I'm not judging at all, I'm a recovering alky myself. I knew I had a problem a long time before I could admit it to myself and others that I did, and a while longer before I was willing to honestly commit to making a change. I tried 'moderation' a few times. One or two just doesn't get it and by the time I 'got it' I was playing a game that I knew I couldn't win. Over and over. I never wrecked a car, lost a job, or put myself or anybody else in the ER but I put my wife through hell and was significantly 'less than' for the first five years of our sons life. Can't pay a fine or spend a night in jail to make that go away.

I'll say this and then get off my recovery soapbox: not one aspect of my life has suffered due to my decision to quit drinking, and a great many have improved greatly. Not saying it's easy, but it is worthwhile. I don't know you and you don't know me but if you ever want to reach out I'm happy to listen.
I wasn't prioritizing it over my wife's well being. I've passed out on the couch maybe once a month. Possibly twice. It's been infrequent, in my opinion, because I'm in training mode. My son is 8 months old as a point of reference so it's a while away before he starts seeing me passed out and possibly longer until he starts remembering it. I don't think I had a problem because I could wake up and go to work the next day. I have shown up pretty sore from the day before and let that be a lesson a few times but it's never been an issue at work. Similar to what you're saying you did. I know she's told me she can't talk to me when I'm drinking and I've forgotten conversations we have had that I was coherent for. Just chalked it up to "wasn't important enough" the next morning.

I know there is nothing in my life that will suffer from quitting. I might miss drinking a beer or two because I liked having a variety of beers. I enjoyed doing well after a marathon and getting a beer. I even enjoyed being buzzed or drunk. Yeah I noticed this morning it was a little easier to wake up and run. I've always noticed that. My wife has always said I can quit for as long as I want. 30 days. 90 days. No question about me sticking with the plan of "no drinking for ---- days." It's when I start back up and go straight to a 6 pack of 7% beer. I don't think "well then think of it as "10 days" or "1,000 days" would really work as a goal. I know its a life change. I know it's easy to say no to a beer and I don't get pressured.

I guess one thing I'm a little "afraid" of is answering the "why don't you drink anymore? You use to love beer." because "I'm training/we're dieting" only last so long. I've also asked many people why they don't drink. I guess "I just stopped enjoying it" works. Yeah I know it's none of their business why I don't drink. My brother in law quit drinking because it was also ruining his marriage (from what I'm told) and I know part of me needing to quit is my wife being sober for 18+ months and not enjoying being around people drinking. I trust myself to be able to go to a bar and not drink. I trust myself to set a personal record I can tell people. I just feel like people always think negative thoughts about people who previously drank and now don't.

Oh and I had "recovering alcoholic" for some reason. How long do you have to recover until you're not? Are you allowed to have A beer/shot/glass of wine and not be an alcoholic? Is there some other title/label you can put on it such as "previous drinker" or "alcohol free" or something?
 

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When people ask me why I don’t drink anymore I simply tell them that I don’t care for a drink right now. I dont make excuses or try to steer the conversation away from it. Most people seem to understand it. The people who constantly ask are usually drunks who can’t fathom that I can sit down in a bar and eat a meal without drinking to excess.
 

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I wasn't prioritizing it over my wife's well being. I've passed out on the couch maybe once a month. Possibly twice. It's been infrequent, in my opinion, because I'm in training mode. My son is 8 months old as a point of reference so it's a while away before he starts seeing me passed out and possibly longer until he starts remembering it. I don't think I had a problem because I could wake up and go to work the next day. I have shown up pretty sore from the day before and let that be a lesson a few times but it's never been an issue at work. Similar to what you're saying you did. I know she's told me she can't talk to me when I'm drinking and I've forgotten conversations we have had that I was coherent for. Just chalked it up to "wasn't important enough" the next morning.

I know there is nothing in my life that will suffer from quitting. I might miss drinking a beer or two because I liked having a variety of beers. I enjoyed doing well after a marathon and getting a beer. I even enjoyed being buzzed or drunk. Yeah I noticed this morning it was a little easier to wake up and run. I've always noticed that. My wife has always said I can quit for as long as I want. 30 days. 90 days. No question about me sticking with the plan of "no drinking for ---- days." It's when I start back up and go straight to a 6 pack of 7% beer. I don't think "well then think of it as "10 days" or "1,000 days" would really work as a goal. I know its a life change. I know it's easy to say no to a beer and I don't get pressured.

I guess one thing I'm a little "afraid" of is answering the "why don't you drink anymore? You use to love beer." because "I'm training/we're dieting" only last so long. I've also asked many people why they don't drink. I guess "I just stopped enjoying it" works. Yeah I know it's none of their business why I don't drink. My brother in law quit drinking because it was also ruining his marriage (from what I'm told) and I know part of me needing to quit is my wife being sober for 18+ months and not enjoying being around people drinking. I trust myself to be able to go to a bar and not drink. I trust myself to set a personal record I can tell people. I just feel like people always think negative thoughts about people who previously drank and now don't.

Oh and I had "recovering alcoholic" for some reason. How long do you have to recover until you're not? Are you allowed to have A beer/shot/glass of wine and not be an alcoholic? Is there some other title/label you can put on it such as "previous drinker" or "alcohol free" or something?
You've put a lot out there in your last post, that's commendable. I'm not sure exactly how to respond, but if a friend or family member expressed to me the same sentiments that you have I would strongly encourage them to get sober and stay that way. You are fortunate to be grappling with this -before- you really fuck something up. You are a long way away from rock-bottom, my advice would be to quit while you're ahead.

I label myself a recovering alchoholic bc it is what it is. Alchoholism is a chronic condition with no cure but it can certainly be mitigated and managed through abstinence. I will never not be an alchoholic, but sobriety allows me to live my life free from it's shackles. Mind you, bad shit still happens but I'm able to deal with it much more proactively when I'm not drunk all the damn time, or passed out, or hung over.

I had candid conversations with my close family and friends, admitted that I was struggling and needed to make some changes. I have yet to encounter anybody that can't respect my desire to make a positive change in my life, and if/when I do they can fuck right off. "I don't drink" or "I'm not drinking today" are how I respond when offered, no judgment or superiority on my end just the truth.
 

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He currently runs 8-9 hours a day.
:cookie:
Typo. I thought I corrected it. up to 2 hours a day. 8-9 or even 10 hours a week. Add in swimming and cycling and I'd probably bring that to 20 hours a day. I wouldn't say spending 20 hours away from my family exercising would be any better than drinking beer while everyone is in bed.

You've put a lot out there in your last post, that's commendable. I'm not sure exactly how to respond, but if a friend or family member expressed to me the same sentiments that you have I would strongly encourage them to get sober and stay that way. You are fortunate to be grappling with this -before- you really fuck something up. You are a long way away from rock-bottom, my advice would be to quit while you're ahead.

I label myself a recovering alchoholic bc it is what it is. Alchoholism is a chronic condition with no cure but it can certainly be mitigated and managed through abstinence. I will never not be an alchoholic, but sobriety allows me to live my life free from it's shackles. Mind you, bad shit still happens but I'm able to deal with it much more proactively when I'm not drunk all the damn time, or passed out, or hung over.

I had candid conversations with my close family and friends, admitted that I was struggling and needed to make some changes. I have yet to encounter anybody that can't respect my desire to make a positive change in my life, and if/when I do they can fuck right off. "I don't drink" or "I'm not drinking today" are how I respond when offered, no judgment or superiority on my end just the truth.
I figured the best way to get whatever it is I need is to tell a bunch of strangers on the internet my story. I never fucked anything up in life due to alcohol thankfully. I would say I never put anything behind alcohol but I know I've missed training runs due to the night before. I half jokingly told my wife I should try CBD/THC as an alternative.
She asked what I'm doing with the beer in the garage. I told her I haven't decided. I could probably talk to some friends to figure out where I can sell it. Some of them are $30-40 each. I was keeping them for a big Christmas party or a bottle share that now won't happen. I'm sad but it's beer...that cost a fair amount and it's a collection.
 

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. Some of them are $30-40 each. I was keeping them for a big Christmas party or a bottle share that now won't happen. I'm sad but it's beer...that cost a fair amount and it's a collection.
Craft beer type stuff? Let me know what you got
 
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