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Probably because everyone quits until it’s fun and they think they have it under control.

I wanted some drinks tonight. Knock the edge off. Shitty day at work (written up) and I’m seen as critical of everything (I am) so it doesn’t matter what I say. I’ve felt like my boss has been looking for reasons to write me up and finally got one. The shitty thing is I can’t tell HER boss why I’m miserable or not working because I’m too critical (hard to manage, a problem) so having a few (6) beers (7-9%) would just make the bullshit go away and remind me why I need to shut the fuck up.

Yeah I know not too bad compared to some but fuck it would have been easy to drown my sorrows. Wife had to hear me bitch (daily occurrence) and with a 1 year old I can’t be 25 and look for a new job with lower pay. I actually NEED a job but sobriety would have been easy to crush for a night and start over tomorrow. $60 bottle of Bourbon just sitting above the fridge untouched. Never even had what’s in it before.

Mostly I’m pissed I can’t sleep. At least alcohol made me sleepy. I asked the wife if I could drink the bottle and she said no. ‘How about half? No...a third?’ Something about it will hurt tomorrow or something. I don’t know. I block out the bad stuff these days. Lmao!
 

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I've posted a couple times in this thread. I've succeeded.....and failed more than a few times.

I'm not going to fib and say I'm sober, because I'm not 100%. But for the last 4 months I've brought myself down to near nothing. During these 4 months I've consumed probably what I would have downed in 4 nights. Not perfect...but a vast improvement. I made some bad choices back in August. After some serious reflection, I know what contributed to those choices. So, I made a change.

I appreciate reading others stories. Sometimes it's hard to come here and face the music. Lots of courage here. Keep it up - whatever your journey is.
 

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Maybe the title is intimidating. I QUIT drinking. Maybe it should be ‘i quit drinking SO MUCH’ but that isn’t as appealing. I haven’t ever gone 4 months sober since I could buy alcohol. Heck, probably haven’t for the last 18 years.

Edit: 24 days. Stopped Dec 4 and I am sometimes greatful I can show up to work feeling 100%, not "100 percent".
 

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Killed 25 days today. Thought I could have a controlled amount but it has become ‘tomorrow is for recovery’ and I will still go out and get a long run in. I actually thought this time I could control it but it quickly became about the buzz. It’s sad honestly. Wife would rather do anything than hang out with me. I fawked up and though a ‘non-significant day’ (not new years) day would be okay if I kept the focus on tomorrow but tomorrow quickly became the ‘i Can deal with it’ tomorrow which sucks.
 

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Killed 25 days today. Thought I could have a controlled amount but it has become ‘tomorrow is for recovery’ and I will still go out and get a long run in. I actually thought this time I could control it but it quickly became about the buzz. It’s sad honestly. Wife would rather do anything than hang out with me. I fawked up and though a ‘non-significant day’ (not new years) day would be okay if I kept the focus on tomorrow but tomorrow quickly became the ‘i Can deal with it’ tomorrow which sucks.
Your thinker isn't working right. If it helps, I and many others I know have done what you are doing. For me, this was only the beginning of a shit show I had chosen over admitting I had a problem and doing something about it. I thought my way into some pretty bad places for a long time. Years of fights, nights in jail, upset wife and kids, pissed off bosses, money problems, lies, arrogance, crashed cars, losing friends, on and on. All to avoid one simple truth: I was a fucking drunk.

In the final stages of life implosion, a little 3 watt light bulb in my head flickered and I got the "moment of clarity" that was actually desperate navel gazing and got my ass into an AA meeting. That's where I began unfucking myself. Choose your path, but be aware that once you know you're fucked, drinking will not be fun anymore it will just be what you do. Even when you quit, it will still be trying to find a way back into your life. You're seeing that now I expect. For me, it's all still there, any time I want it back I can have it all and more. Today I choose not to have it back. That is what I mean when I say that I am grateful for what I have and what I don't have. You're in my prayers.
 

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never opened this thread before.... well not that I can remember

my liver went south and they told me I would die if I didnt quit.. Im not even sure how long ago it was.. last time I cheated, I had a couple shots at the family ranch on easter weekend.. I dont know.. maybe 4 or 5 years ago?
 

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Still drinking a little here and there, but have cut way back. Still can't sleep worth a shit. I'm now not drinking Monday through Weds and really watching what I drink rest of the week.

Doing better at getting to the gym a couple times a week. Had a stressful day Friday and really wanted to pour a strong one after work. Went to gym instead and did a pretty hard workout for hour and a half. Felt good leaving the gym instead of being 2 or 3 drinks in at that point.

Will be hanging out with friends later and plan to have a good time, not get bombed like used to.

HNY fawkers
 

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Killed 25 days today. Thought I could have a controlled amount but it has become ‘tomorrow is for recovery’ and I will still go out and get a long run in. I actually thought this time I could control it but it quickly became about the buzz. It’s sad honestly. Wife would rather do anything than hang out with me. I fawked up and though a ‘non-significant day’ (not new years) day would be okay if I kept the focus on tomorrow but tomorrow quickly became the ‘i Can deal with it’ tomorrow which sucks.
hey, you had 25 days.
 

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Happy 2019 to all my fellow quitters and those that have made some changes.

New Year's Eve was surprisingly easy for me to refrain from drinking, it never even crossed my mind until I was pouring champagne 5 minutes before midnight for everyone. I poured myself a flute of ginger ale and toasted the New Year with everyone else. It helped that 12/31 was day 350 for me, and I wasn't going to throw away 350 days for champagne, or for that matter, any type of booze. I guess I'm at that point that my days of sobriety are more important to me than a taste of alcohol.

It is really hard for me to grasp that my 1 year mark is approaching. I know many in this thread have a lot more years than that under their belt, and my hat is off to you. Thank you to everyone that has posted in here, it really does help to hear other perspectives as well as have another place to hold myself accountable to.
 

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I poured myself a flute of ginger ale and toasted the New Year with everyone else. It helped that 12/31 was day 350 for me, and I wasn't going to throw away 350 days for champagne, or for that matter, any type of booze. I guess I'm at that point that my days of sobriety are more important to me than a taste of alcohol.
Well done sir. :)
 

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I've been struggling with this my whole adult life, have a little over a year sober now. If AA isn't for you explore other options. There is a program called smart recovery that I get a lot out of. I never realized how many people are out there to help you until I was forced to go look.

Doing it alone never worked for me.
 

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Happy 2019 to all my fellow quitters and those that have made some changes.

New Year's Eve was surprisingly easy for me to refrain from drinking, it never even crossed my mind until I was pouring champagne 5 minutes before midnight for everyone. I poured myself a flute of ginger ale and toasted the New Year with everyone else. It helped that 12/31 was day 350 for me, and I wasn't going to throw away 350 days for champagne, or for that matter, any type of booze. I guess I'm at that point that my days of sobriety are more important to me than a taste of alcohol.

It is really hard for me to grasp that my 1 year mark is approaching. I know many in this thread have a lot more years than that under their belt, and my hat is off to you. Thank you to everyone that has posted in here, it really does help to hear other perspectives as well as have another place to hold myself accountable to.
Congratulations....
 
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