Pirate4x4.Com - Carnage on the 'Con, July 4th 2001

Sierra Rock Crawlers
Tin Benders
Pirates of the Rubicon
Rock Zombies

There was lots of trash talking on the Pirate4x4.Com Bulletin Board for months. "Our club can whoop your club," etc.

"Carnage on the Con" was going to be one to remember, allright. On 4th of July weekend, four well known clubs decided to have a friendly crawl off to determine who truly was "Zeus of the Sluice". The whole thing was spearheaded by camo from the Tin Benders. He did all the organizing, and arranged to have one of the 4wd magazines cover the event. As expected, there was a huge turnout. After all, with all the smack talk that was going on the Bulletin Board, many people were very eager to see who would prevail.

July 6th finally rolled around. I rolled into camp late that night. Apparently camo busted up his rig pretty good "prerunning" the course (cheater!) and would not be able to compete. Instead he would be the judge, using rules similar to the ARCA rulebook. At about 8:00A.M. Saturday morning, all the competitors lined up below the Sluice Box in random order. Camo then told us all exactly what the course layout was, and how points would be assessed. There were no flags, just some verbal rules as to where you needed to go not to get "flag points".

First in line was "fatkid" from the Tin Benders. Being one of their newer members, I didn't know what to expect from him. Scoping out his very clean Samurai, I was pretty sure that it wouldn't be able to make the required line to the left of the first rock. I suspected he would elect to take the 10 points on that obstacle and go to the right over the "easy" route. Sure enough, that's exactly what the fatkid did. He made an excellent run through the rest of the course with a very respectable 10 points. The first Pirate to attempt the course was the infamous Billy Bob. We were certain that he could make the left line, so we planned on attacking it like only Billy Bob does - full throttle. After the smoke cleared, Billy smoked the course with a ass kicking score of 3 points.

Another noteworthy run was from Mike of the Tin Benders. He skillfully piloted his 38" Boggered, air bagged Toyota buggy over the left line and finished the day with the third best score of the day - 5 points.

Some of the biggest smack talkers on the Bulletin Board came from the Sierra Rock Crawlers. And as luck would have it, most of them didn't show up. The SRC members who did show up were shorthanded, and were forced to run Sam's new Jeep that was fresh off the jackstands. Sam decided to put on a show and ran the course with his canoe strapped on the top of his Jeep. With the ultra soft and flexy coil spring suspension, it made for some exciting action. Sam ended up taking the right line and walking away with a respectable score.

The word of the day for the left line was "CARNAGE". Most vehicles that attempted it failed. Severe carnage was everywhere. Take Jeremy's Toyota from the Rock Zombies. While giving it his best shot, he broke both Dana 44 front axles, and a rear ring and pinion. All within 2 feet of each other! Now THAT'S carnage!

With several of the members of the Zombies, Tin Benders, and Sierra Rock Crawlers pointing out, it was clear that the Pirates of the Rubicon would win this event. After Billy Bob's awesome 3 point run, Bob sealed the victory by completely spanking the competition with a perfect zero. With a total of only 3 points on the board for the POR and 60+ for the other teams, POR just needed to run their last 3 rigs through the easy lines and take a flag or two and they would still win.

Troy and Lane from the Pirates both walked the course only getting 10 points each for taking the right line on the first rock. After the rest of the competition had run, it was clear that all I had to do was simply make it through the box without timing out, and we would win the contest by a land slide. But being the competitive person that I am, I decided that I had to get it awn in the new buggy to see what she could do. I attempted the left line, and after a couple tries, I ended up getting the front tires in the air. Instead of letting off the throttle, I gunned it, which sucked the rear wheels forward and nearly flipping me over backwards. The Cruiser idled happily sitting straight up thanks to the propane power, so I put it in reverse and with a little help from my friends, it dropped right back onto all fours. Not only did it land on all fours, but it twisted to the right, and lined me up perfectly for my line. After a little throttle jockeyin' and persuasion from Bob, I was able to pop over the massive boulder and finish the rest of the course with no points. While I didn't get the lowest score, I definitely seemed to be the crowd favorite with my wheel standing antics!

After all the dust was settled, it was clear who the winners were. With 1/3 the points of the 2nd place winner, team POR kicked ass in their backyard. The Tin Benders came in a respectable second place, and the Rock Zombies and Sierra Rock Crawlers tied for last.

So what was the grand prize for this event, you ask? First and foremost is bragging rights, and second is a donation by the loosing clubs in the winning club's name to the charity of choice. Oh yeah, the losers also have to take a swim in Spider Lake.

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